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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to snap at this dog walker? Next time I might poke her in the eye.

60 replies

DrawingaLine · 27/09/2016 12:22

There's a woman down the road from me with two Westies. One is okay but the other is really quite aggressive but when the aggressive one gets aggressive she sets the other one off. So, two aggressive dogs really.

I've got a rescue border terrier who's growing in confidence but can be still quite nervous. Every time we pass this woman, her aggressive dog has a go at my dog. When they're far apart it's okay, my dog won't give a shit but when we pass close my dog gets very jumpy.

When her dog has a go at mine, this woman laughs and says 'Oh she doesn't like border terriers'. But I've seen her dog be aggressive to all breeds, not just border terriers Hmm. Plus, I don't actually see what's funny about my dog cowering against walls whilst her dogs bark and snarl without any sorts of correction. Maybe that's just my sense of humour failure though.

Last night we passed in a narrow alley way. When I saw them approaching, I stopped, blocked the path between her dogs and mine and bent down to stroke my dog until they'd gone past. This stupid fucking idiotic woman then stops right next to me and starts talking to my dog whilst her dog is going nuts at the end of it's lead. My dog is really confused, cowering and desperate to get home (we're about 10 meters from the door).

So I said to her 'We're waiting until you've moved on' or something to that effect. To which she said nothing and just carried on talking at my dog.

So I snapped at her 'Can you just walk on please, my dog's terrified'. She did move on but huffed and puffed down the road muttering at what a rude woman I was.

I'm hoping she'll avoid me now she thinks I'm rude!

OP posts:
corgiology · 27/09/2016 16:04

Imagine I put you in a cellar with clowns, spiders and a shark pool.

As I'm nice I also let your Mum be with you. She is allowed to talk to you.

Would you rather she ignored you and told you to get over it or would you rather she gave you a hug and said it's ok we'll be out soon?

Exactly the same for dogs. Reassurance does not mean the clown/spider/shark is scarier, it means I know you find it difficult but we'll get through this.
It's a partnership. Understanding. Trust.

Ignoring the issue (or worse correcting the issue) doesn't solve anything other than make the dog feel scared.

The best thing to do is to teach a 'watch me' as mentioned. At least then the dog is not focusing on the scary thing and feeling worse.

DrawingaLine · 27/09/2016 16:08

corgiology If my mum was there I'd be terrified (by the nasties) and bored to tears (by my mum's 'hot gossip' which is always decidedly luke warm)

But I do appreciate the analogy Grin

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ayeokthen · 27/09/2016 16:11

Years ago I had a lab/Alsatian cross who was very timid but also very protective of me (DV issues). There was some shitty little dog that we always happened to bump into on walks which would snarl and pull and try to snap at me. One day I asked the owner if he could keep it under control as it was stressing my dog out. Cue him roaring and shouting in my face which turned my dog into a raving lunatic trying to protect me. He kept shouting until I told him if he didn't fuck off I was going to let go of the lead and let him go. Funnily enough he carried the wee shite past in future!

Sugarlightly · 27/09/2016 16:12

I think the best thing to do is just continue to be clear and say "don't let your dog near my dog". Stroking your dog may seem intuitive when they are upset but reinforces the fear response through positive reinforcement.

CalmItKermitt · 27/09/2016 16:16

As others have said, you can't reinforce an emotion. Go ahead and reassure your dog. Ignore the "strong confident leader" stuff.

PageStillNotFound404 · 27/09/2016 16:21

I'm going to shout now because it's not getting through any other way.

YOU CAN'T "REINFORCE" FEAR BY STROKING YOUR DOG WHEN IT'S FRIGHTENED.

You simply can't. Fear is an emotion. You can reinforce behaviour, but not emotion. You (generic "you", not the OP particularly) will do no harm whatsoever by reassuring your dog when he/she feels afraid.

DrawingaLine · 27/09/2016 16:39

I've heard you loud and clear PageStillNotFound404

That article you sent was really interesting, thank you Smile

OP posts:
unicornthong · 27/09/2016 16:48

Can I just offer the really simple solution of not walking the same route/time as this other lady?

HKHKHR · 27/09/2016 17:05

When you see this woman turn around and walk away. If you see her down an alley turn around and walk back. Unfortunately some people are not sensible about dogs.

DrawingaLine · 27/09/2016 17:11

unicornthong Eurgh. If only my life were that simple. We walk our dog at the same time every single day, even weekends. This woman is out at all times of the day so we never know when we're going to bump into her!

HK Anywhere but the back alley, that's okay but when we're walking home up the back alley my dog absolutely will not turn around because she's heading for her dinner. The other day there was a car reversing down the alley way and I couldn't coax the dog to turn around, not even with cooked chicken! Stupid dog.

OP posts:
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