My grandson in danger of exclusion for biting

[Angiemm2016]

My grandson is in danger of being excluded for biting other children. His mum is a single parent who works hard to support him and is doing her very best to be a good mum. Although my son and she are no longer together, he does his best to support her and they are good friends - it was a teenage relationship and he is still in uni and she is now in another relationship. We have our grandson every weekend and he is a lovely boy and well behaved - although prone to the odd tantrum. The head has told her that he'd rather lose one child (our gs) than risk losing four pupil premiums which I feel is a very unhelpful thing to say - shouldn't he be seeking the help of other agencies and supporting our gs rather than threatening to expel? Any advice would be great as we're all worried sick - thanks

[AGenie]

Floggingmolly that wasn't at all what I said. I meant that he may not have learning difficulties and may in fact be quite bright, but just very poorly socialised and in need of some serious work on his behaviour.

[MissMargie]

If an adult came on Mn to say

"I've started a new job, lots of staff many unfriendly.'
'My closest support is busy with other stuff, I am being left to get on with it' (The boy's DM)
'My other closest support has gone somewhere, I don't know if he's coming back ever' (The DF)
'I get to stay with my rellies each weekend when I'd rather be with my closest supporters'.
'I feel frustrated and angry sometimes'.

Would elicit lots of suggestions like see your GP, can you afford a counselor?
Sadly these are not an option for the DGS.

[CodyKing]

'I feel frustrated and angry sometimes'.

Would elicit lots of suggestions like see your GP, can you afford a counselor?

Throw in - I get frustrated and angry and hit / bite people and the advise changes

[Sendraboots]

Can't be arsed to read the whole thread but I can imagine the hysteria op my son was the same it was awful to deal with and mn esp martianbushop was very helpful to me lots of kids bite whatever mn say it's so hard to deal with but will pass my son did martial arts to focus him and he's now black belt 1st dan it will pass

[tina363]

My 2 year old has bit his peers and I was considering removing him myself as I didn't want him hurting other kids (I work in the same daycare he attends) now he has started communicating more he can now say help, mine, no, go away etc and the biting hasn't happened unless he's tired or grumpy and just impulsively reacts. We watch him constantly and are able to intervene on those occasions when he is in a foul mood. We use picture cards to help him recognise us telling him no biting. I also say a mantra to him everyday before we go through the doors, no biting, no hitting, no kicking, be nice. Note he also bites himself when he's angry. We have concluded there's is no sen and its purely frustration that he seems to be growing out of now his vocab is getting better. Could any of these help your gs?

[GingerIvy]

My 7yo bites when he is overly upset and anxious, but it's when he is in meltdown (he is autistic). He is home educated, as he could not cope with the anxiety and stress of school (also due to lack of support and teacher ignoring ongoing bullying).

The school needs to look at what is happening PRIOR to the biting. What leads up to it? Is he frustrated? Having difficulty with something in particular? Social stress? Academic stress with particular tasks? It's quite likely that if they can spot a pattern at all, they can then provide support so that it doesn't happen, while working on coping skills for him so he can deal with those situations in future. Reactive consequences are not likely to work. They need to be proactive and find the cause.

[a7mints]

He is at school all week and left with his GPs every weekend.
I think we might just have the answer here! when do his mother and father spend time with him?

[Shockers]

Biting is usually a response to frustration. Read up on emotion coaching and try to give him strategies to express himself safely.

We tell DD (older but with sn) to stop, then use her words. If we're patient and speak gently, it works.

[Lelloteddy]

Lots of questions about what his mother is doing to address the behaviour/engage with the school etc.
What is his father doing exactly?

[CauliflowerSqueeze]

Do you think the 4 year old understands that it is a big deal? I mean if the normal response to "normal" bad behaviour is no telly, then maybe he doesn't differentiate between that and biting someone.

He will be weighing up whether or not it's worth it. If the response is no telly, he will presumably be doing something else, and that might be more attractive to him. "No Johnny, no telly tonight because you bit someone, so how about a jigsaw or colouring?"

It might be that the response is incorrect for him to learn from.

[Nuttnet17]

My grandson is just 4 and has started reception, he is struggling to settle and is shouting and running around trying to hit and bite the other children. He won’t sit still or join in any group play. My daughter is worried sick about him. Any ideas of help please?

[AllyMcBeagle]

@Nuttnet17 you should start a new thread. This one is a zombie 🧟‍♀️

[brighteyeowl17]

Expulsion isn’t easy and they have to show evidence so I imagine agencies have been involved? Have you not had an assessment or Edpsych evaluation? They have to consider other children’s safety in the meantime- has he been removed from class or anything?

[Oobis]

Can you have a look for fidget toys for autistic children? I'm not commenting on your grandson, but you can buy things which are designed for children to bite you hen they're overwhelmed - bracelets and the like. Might be worth considering? I guess biting in anger is different to frustration, curiosity, or whatever other reasons there might be. Disappointing there's not more constructive support from the school

[Nuttnet17]

Sorry very new to this what is a zombie thread ?