My grandson in danger of exclusion for biting

[Angiemm2016]

My grandson is in danger of being excluded for biting other children. His mum is a single parent who works hard to support him and is doing her very best to be a good mum. Although my son and she are no longer together, he does his best to support her and they are good friends - it was a teenage relationship and he is still in uni and she is now in another relationship. We have our grandson every weekend and he is a lovely boy and well behaved - although prone to the odd tantrum. The head has told her that he'd rather lose one child (our gs) than risk losing four pupil premiums which I feel is a very unhelpful thing to say - shouldn't he be seeking the help of other agencies and supporting our gs rather than threatening to expel? Any advice would be great as we're all worried sick - thanks

[BishopBrennansArse]

Are kids with send feral too, petit?
Biting is common in children who have communication disabilities. Are they feral?

(Not suggesting op's gs has send but assessment wouldn't hurt)

[Wantagoodname]

petit was just wondering how long ago you would have had to deal with something like this- a bloody long time ago!
your very lucky she wasn't a biter

[AGenie]

OP it just occurred to me that it might be good to watch carefully at home and see if your dgs is hearing you when you talk to him. If he's not always turning to look at you when you talk, he may have developed glue ear, which is common at this age.

It's quite easy and quick to get a private hearing test. Just google for "audiology" and the name of your town. It costs about £50.

[Wantagoodname]

bishop yes thank you!
Communication difficulties
Traumatic childhoods
Sensory processing issues
Learning difficulties
Emotional/mental health issues

These can all result in biting and non of these mean that te child is feral.

[BishopBrennansArse]

As AGenie said the communication issue may be entirely fixable i.e. Glue ear. That's still a SEN without being a SN.

It's not going to hurt to get him checked out by paeds.

[BishopBrennansArse]

Regardless if it's a SEN the school are obliged to support that not just threaten to exclude.

[Aeroflotgirl]

What are the school doing at reinforcing no biting. Instead of writing a little one off, they need to support him. He should be seeing the school SENCO. Mabey its the hectic home life that he has, and needs more time with mum. I would ask your dil to have a meeting with the teacher and the School Senco. If your dil is at lose what do do, get her to phone up child and family practice (branch of SS) for parenting courses or help. Contact SENDIAS. Just because he hasen't got an EHCP or seeing a specialist, does not mean he does not have possible SN.

[honkinghaddock]

My son probably bit 10 times during his first few weeks at school. It wasn't due to being 'feral' or poor parenting but due to his disability. Petit, do you not realise that anyone, including you, could have had a child that does this.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

Like others I would suggest the basic hearing and sight tests to rule out any problems. The NHS provide free hearing tests for children get the parents to speak to the GP or HV if he still has one. If he isn't hearing other children properly it could be that they are catching him unawares and he panics.
I would also agree that the parents should be chatting to the Senco to understand what strategies and investigations they are putting in place.
I would also have a look at his behaviour at home, is he getting the same messages from all caregivers for example? If he struggles with sharing, for example, can you play some sharing games to help model behaviour for him.
Don't let the Head just write him off, he is young and for some reason has developed an aggressive way of dealing with other children which needs looking into as it suggests he is not coping with the day to day interactions in a classroom.

[Starlight234]

My DS was bitten by a boy in reception.. thay are now in year 5 and quite good friends...However as a parent if my ds had been bitten regularly I would of been in insisting this child is kept away from mine.

Do bear in mine. these are parents are sending their children to school for the first time wondering if their child will get bitten today.

Yes eliminate any other causes .. Arrange a meeting with teacher and see what is been done in school what can be.

[WaitrosePigeon]

Obviously finding the route of the biting is the solution. How are things at home? Biting is usually out of frustration. He needs some support.

On the other hand, the parents of the children being bitten are probably getting very frustrated.

[derxa]

He needs assessment for his speech and language and behaviour within school. Having said that, I'm on the side of the HT. Ofsted don't like exclusions but this little boy's behaviour is a danger to others. If the HT is threatening to exclude then there must be more than the biting going on.

[Thefishewife]

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Gz3kzhcBm4Q



Lol😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

[RachelRagged]

My ex partner bit our then toddler son on the arm when he was little . Hence he is an Ex now.

[bumsexatthebingo]

I suspect that the head is threatening exclusion in the hope that the mother will remove the child and save him the bother of actually dealing with the issue. It is not uncommon for schools to threaten exclusion or suggest another school may be a better fit for a child to save the school money. The school wouldn't be able to permanently exclude the child until they had explored every, often expensive, avenue in helping them so what generally happens is that vulnerable children get passed from pillar to post and their problems multiplied until they end up as adults in the criminal justice system. Unless they are lucky enough to have well educated parents who know how to fight for the support the child needs. Which unfortunately the children who need the most support often don't.

[bumsexatthebingo]

Sorry for the rant op but provision for children with an in mainstream is a joke and it makes me really angry.

[maras2]

Thanks for the explanation of 'four pupil premiums' bumsex.It's been 35 years since my DC's were in nursery/primary education.

[momtothree]

I would also question your DIL approach to school

Is she horrified or not bothered?

Has she apologized to the other children?

Has she dealt with it at home? Loss of privileges etc?

Has she spoken to school?

Her attitude will impact greatly on how the head deals with this - she may well be making excuses rather than dealing with it

[honkinghaddock]

Home and school need to work together on this. Unfortunately if you have a head who makes comments like this one did, working together can be difficult.

[HeCantBeSerious]

Oh and whoever asked 'pupil premiums' are children who attract extra funding to the school because they would have qualified for free school meals before they were universal

They're only universal for 5-7 year olds in England. So not that many children.

[AGenie]

I just asked my six year old what would happen at school if a reception kid bit other kids ten times since the start of term and once on the face. He said first of all "blasting", but on mature reflection he just looked appalled. It sounds as though, even to a robust six year old, this would be considered extremely bad form.

Where is the little boy's Dad? It sounds to me as though Mum and Dad need to roll their sleeves up and work together a lot to break this problem.

[bumsexatthebingo]

The ops gs is in reception so I was assuming the 4 children being discussed were as well and therefore they all get fsm. PP is for children who have parents on a low wage or are 'looked after' and possibly some other criteria. They can also get fsm after age 7.

[2kids2dogsnosense]

Not much to say that hasn't been said except to agree with those who say DON'T bite him back.

To me that is telling a child that biting is an acceptable way to behave towards someone you are angry with.

[liz70]

"They're only universal for 5-7 year olds in England."

No, Scotland too, in P1 to 3 inclusive.