Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

DH pissing me off with housework

41 replies

KellyBoo800 · 25/09/2016 18:04

DH is seriously annoying me today but I can't say anything because he's still pulling his weight!!

Yesterday morning there were 3 jobs that needed doing - dishwasher, putting a load of washing on and one to hang out, and sweeping up. DSD volunteered to sweep up, DH told her to wait because he was going to dust and polish all the surfaces first. Not entirely necessary and we were heading out later that morning but no problem. Until he spent so long getting it perfect that I had to do the rest of the (necessary) housework by myself because he was doing something less urgent.

Same again today and it's driving me bonkers! There are jobs that I have asked him to do that have been bothering me for weeks (clean out the tortoise tank before we bring the tortoise in for the season - currently living in the garden, and putting some big items of his into the shed that are currently sat in the kitchen). He's now in the garden doing a bonfire - yes that needs doing at some point but he can't seem to prioritise!! Leaving me to make all the beds with the clean sheets.

I feel like IWBU to tell him that he still needs to sort the rest of it out tonight, because by the time he is done with the bonfire it will be late and he will be knackered. We both work long hours during the week so only do the bare minimum then, so it will wait till next weekend.

I'm going to have a bath and curl up in bed with a book, but would IBU to not make up DSD's bed so that when he goes to put her to bed in an hour he has to do it himself?

Driving me bloody crazy!!

OP posts:

Tumtitum · 25/09/2016 18:08

My DH does this as well and it also drives me mad... But he gets so wounded if I say anything as he thinks he's being super helpful!! My DH makes such a meal out of making any bed that in your shoes if I didn't make the bed it would prolong bedtime and I'd probably end up stepping in!!

RandomMess · 25/09/2016 18:10

I delegated food shopping, planning & cooking. It's fabulous I just turn up and eat the food!!!!

CalleighDoodle · 25/09/2016 18:14

He is choosing the jobs he wants to do. We can all do that! But the toilet probably would never get cleaned! thank him for doing the bonfire then remind him lf the jobs you need him to do before bedtime tonight.

I once, when pregnant, wrote my
Dh a list of the jobs that needed doing. He added 'change batteries on the catflap' to the bottom and then ticked it off. Er, no!

booksandcoffee · 25/09/2016 18:16

Unfortunately not everyone is good at prioritising. Perhaps a tactful discussion a little further down the road might be needed?

Original poster

KellyBoo800 · 25/09/2016 18:18

tum it's such a pain because he does a lot, but never what needs doing - so if there are 6 jobs we could share out between us, he'll find 6 other ones he would rather do meaning we are both doing twice as much as we need to! Luckily bed-making is one he does happily but I can see him getting pissed off when it comes to having to do it at the last minute because I haven't.

random I would love to delegate that to my DH but he is so bad at getting the timings right on a meal that everything is finished at different times so half the meal is cold by the time it comes to eating it...seems to take him twice as long too. He's not very mathematically minded so I do think he genuinely struggles with it (as opposed to deliberately fucking it up so I don't ask him to do it again). I think I need a PA!

OP posts:

emotionsecho · 25/09/2016 18:29

Ah yes the old 'do the jobs I enjoy/want to do rather than those that need doing and as long as I'm doing stuff I can't be moaned at' routine.

The only way to change it is to stop him in his tracks, e.g., when he decided to dust and polish all the surfaces you say no this is the job that needs to be done now/first, you can do the other one later.

Don't give him the opportunity to change the priorities.

NewRoadToHappinessxx · 25/09/2016 18:37

I think it's a man thing mine does this all the time and it is driving me to distraction!! Example - can you put the kids uniforms on I said as I left the house as this would give them time to wash and dry and then be ironed before I go to bed, I come back 3 hours later after taking all 3 kids with me and has he put the washing on? No! He's 'sorted' the garden and out the kids electric cars on to charge - it's going to be a late night for one of us !!

Original poster

KellyBoo800 · 25/09/2016 18:46

New that is infuriating! Luckily my DH takes sole responsibility for my DSD's school uniform (obviously I will wash it if it's in the pile and I'm putting a load on anyway). Although he has just sent DSD up from the bonfire to have a shower before bedtime. Meaning I've had to uncurl from under my fresh clean sheets to switch it on for her because she can't quite reach. What kind of torture is this?!

OP posts:

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 25/09/2016 19:03

Our house is a bit of a tip at the moment. Dh has decided that today he needed to remove all the guttering from the back of the house and paint the fascia boards.

Ginseng1 · 25/09/2016 19:09

Lol My guy is great works hard but like that is always 'sorting' out the garage or the garden for hours on end above any other job that needs doing!!! Or he'll decide this cupboard is a mess & 'reorganise' it & ignore the massive pile of washing that really needs doing!

HermioneJeanGranger · 25/09/2016 19:11

It's not a man-thing, it's an avoiding housework thing! I've been guilty of it in the past - when I know a horrible job needs doing I'll do loads of minor, pointless things so I can claim to have been busy all day and then DP has to do it

RandomMess · 25/09/2016 19:18

When I delegated the cooking it was a painful few years until DH learnt a wide meal repertoire and getting the timings correct and cooking veg for every dinner. It was far from instant success but I delegated and let him get one with it!

Cherrysoup · 25/09/2016 19:53

thank him for doing the bonfire then remind him lf the jobs you need him to do before bedtime tonight.

You're kidding, right? Thank him?! For doing a job? I don't get thanks for putting out the bins, changing the sheets or doing any other jobs, nor do I thank the DH unless he's done something I specifically wanted doing. It's a shared house, we share chores, I'm not going to thank him!

LittleLionMansMummy · 25/09/2016 20:14

Well I've finally exploded, after 3 or 4 days of asking dh to do the sodding hoovering (I'm 7 months pregnant). Instead he's faffed around doing jobs that although need doing aren't a priority (he has a complete inability to prioritise). When he said he'd do the hoovering tomorrow instead because he was tinkering around in the kitchen I finally snapped. Part hormones perhaps, but I shouldn't have to repeatedly ask him to do the hoovering. He can see there are bits all over the floor as well as I can ffs.

Sorry to hijack.

Original poster

KellyBoo800 · 25/09/2016 20:22

LittleLion sounds shit, well done for telling him straight though!

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 25/09/2016 21:20

Give him his list of jobs and tell him they need completing by whatever time.

You also have a list of jobs to be completed just to make it fair .

Then when you've done all of yours and are sitting with a book and a brew, he'll still have his to do. He might just get the message eventually. If he moans that he has done x, y and z just calmly point out that he should have stuck to his list.

Unicorn1981 · 26/09/2016 00:33

Today I cleaned the house from top to bottom then when I complained he didn't appreciate it he said but I entertained our daughter! He had spent time making a clangers planet with her which was brilliant of him but surely that's not a job and it's fun too!

Unicorn1981 · 26/09/2016 00:34

And you know when you complain they say something like but I hoovered everywhere last week or yesterday I took the bins out! Err well done?! Sorry to hijack too!

DeathStare · 26/09/2016 03:25

Why are your housework priorities more important than his housework priorities?

Blueskyrain · 26/09/2016 07:49

I agree with DeathStare. You have different priorities, yours aren't necessarily more important than his. I can understand how its frustrating, but you'd soon get annoyed if he started giving you lists of things to do.

If its annoying you, then discuss it as two equal adults, and come up with a fair way for both of you, so that you can both prioritise jobs you think are important.

TheAnswerIsYes · 26/09/2016 09:46

Nest time he is burning rubbish when the dusting needs to be done tell him you will take over the burning while he gets on with the dusting. Keep doing 'fun' stuff that needs doing and he might get the message.

Bumpsadaisie · 26/09/2016 10:06

Its difficult but the burning rubbish does need doing, its just less urgent.

My DH gets frustrated because there are hundreds of very important jobs to do (eg paint the windows, repair the rotten window frame, fix this and that, service the suspension on the car, redecorate) but because they are not imminently urgent (like the need to organise food for TODAY and washing and ironing FOR TOMORROW and to take DCs to this or that place and get a card for MILs birthday ON MONDAY and help DD with music practice before her lesson TOMORROW) the important but non-urgent jobs just never get done.

In our house we solve it by him doing the important but non-urgent jobs and me doing the imminent crisis type jobs. Plus if we can we both muck in with each other's jobs on the other's instruction and delegation (e.g. he will get a shop in and hoover, listen to DCs music practice while I will prime a window frame or go and get stuff for the car from Halfords).

It's works quite well but we both spend 7 days a week working our backsides off with work, household jobs and the DCs and their needs. Ah well I suppose it keeps us fit.

LetsJunglyJumpToIt · 26/09/2016 11:15

I told DH this weekend that he does the jobs he wants to do. We needed to clean the house for various reasons and DH suddenly pipes up that he could mow the grass and do a few DIY bits. Is that cleaning the house? No.

Original poster

KellyBoo800 · 27/09/2016 17:29

I would accept that we both have different priorities and that mine aren't more important than his - except for the face that keeping a tidy house isn't a priority for him at all. I've know this from the start and he has been very honest about how he really doesn't mind if it's not clean and tidy and sparkly but that he appreciates that it's a shared responsibility. So he asked me to point him in the right direction when things need doing, which usually works.

So the dusting isn't a priority because we don't have visitors, nor is the bonfire (of crap that has been in the garden for months). But the tortoise tank is because the weather is changing and he needs to come back indoors and cleaning the tank is one of DH's responsibilities that we agreed together. And moving big bulky stuff of his off the kitchen floor when me and DSD keep tripping over it is also a priority.

I really don't mind that he has different priorities but when they concern an animal and safety then surely that should be a mutual priority??

OP posts:

Original poster

KellyBoo800 · 27/09/2016 17:34

Also I would never give him a list of things to do because you're right, I would hate it if he did the same to me. And also because he is a grown man who doesn't need a list! But if I ask him when he's going to clean the tank and he says "I'll do it tomorrow" and the proceeds to do a bonfire instead, it is frustrating.

FYI it's now Tuesday and neither jobs have been done. And I've had to stay late at the office so will get home later than him, which means he can find the time do do those jobs whilst I cook him his dinner (please no bashing me for cooking his dinner, he's a rubbish cook and I enjoy doing it and having it ready for him when he gets home from work - mostly for my benefit as I don't like eating too late!)

OP posts:

Flip

1 2