DH pissing me off with housework

[KellyBoo800]

DH is seriously annoying me today but I can't say anything because he's still pulling his weight!!

Yesterday morning there were 3 jobs that needed doing - dishwasher, putting a load of washing on and one to hang out, and sweeping up. DSD volunteered to sweep up, DH told her to wait because he was going to dust and polish all the surfaces first. Not entirely necessary and we were heading out later that morning but no problem. Until he spent so long getting it perfect that I had to do the rest of the (necessary) housework by myself because he was doing something less urgent.

Same again today and it's driving me bonkers! There are jobs that I have asked him to do that have been bothering me for weeks (clean out the tortoise tank before we bring the tortoise in for the season - currently living in the garden, and putting some big items of his into the shed that are currently sat in the kitchen). He's now in the garden doing a bonfire - yes that needs doing at some point but he can't seem to prioritise!! Leaving me to make all the beds with the clean sheets.

I feel like IWBU to tell him that he still needs to sort the rest of it out tonight, because by the time he is done with the bonfire it will be late and he will be knackered. We both work long hours during the week so only do the bare minimum then, so it will wait till next weekend.

I'm going to have a bath and curl up in bed with a book, but would IBU to not make up DSD's bed so that when he goes to put her to bed in an hour he has to do it himself?

Driving me bloody crazy!!

I think it's very natural get annoyed with each other over these things at times. Is it possible that he is trying to prove a point? Have you accidentally forgotten that you are working with an equal and adult and he is rebelling against this attitude?

Also some priorities so glaringly obviously trump others that it's really a moot point. Example: two loads of washing. One contains pants and socks that everyone needs by tomorrow as well as other every day clothes. The other contains a judo kit and other whites that are not needed until next Weds. Dh puts (his) judo kit in before realising that meant we no longer had detergent for the more important stuff. So he then had to go out and buy detergent so we could have clean pants and socks. And bought the wrong stuff. There's prioritising and then there's repeatedly putting things off purely because you can't be arsed.

And prioritising wrongly. My dh even admits he is unable to prioritise effectively. Oh, and then there's the 'I've done the hoovering for you' comments. No, you've hoovered the house because it needed doing and we've all contributed to the mess. You're not doing me a favour!

Anything I can't be certain but I don't think he's trying to make a point, because he's so cheerful about it! This is what I mean, he has asked me to remind him if housework etc needs doing because he can be a bit blind to it, but knows it is important to me. He has specifically said "I would rather you just ask me to do something than expect me to do it, because I don't want resentment building up inside you just because I've been a bit clueless".

Yes, I shouldn't necessarily have to ask him to do the housework but if he's happy for me to do that and its easier for me to ask him than to expect it, then that's what works for us.

Apart from this weekend when it has driven me bonkers because our foolproof system has backfired! But I can't get worked up about it now. I'm over being pissed off at him because as always, he's done a whole bunch of other things since then to make me happy and remind me why I bloody love him. And as long as the tortoise tank gets cleaned tonight so the poor thing can come back indoors, I'm happy!

He sounds a bit like my husband. I do give him a list, but at his request. Your post made me smile, I like it when I read about same marriages on MN (not often ).

Sane* that was meant to say!

Anything aw I'm glad I made you smile! I find myself getting annoyed with my DH so many times but it never lasts, he's too nice for me to stay angry at for long. He's become very good at figuring out if I'm upset about something and coaxing it out of me with a simple "you can either get yourself all wound up about it and it will come out eventually when you'll be really angry, or you can tell me now and I'll do everything in my power to fix it so neither of us get upset".

I got myself a good'un

He sounds like a good one. I'm similarly lucky, and try to remember that when I navigate around his humaness. (Also our husbands are pretty lucky too! )

Our husbands are damn lucky bastards honestly though it's so lovely to see people saying nice things about their spouses. Very glad you consider yourself lucky!

Oh god my husband is like this. We have people coming round in the evening so I'll say "can we get the house sorted together today" - he agrees then goes and sorts his sock drawer

Because that's where we entertain our guests

I think it's a form of passive control. If confronted they can say 'well, I'm doing something useful, this needs doing so....', but it's not actually useful at that moment. My ex used to tidy out the shed when we had people coming to visit and the house was a tip. When I asked him why, when all the bedrooms needed tidying and hoovering and downstairs needed a good clean he said 'well, they might look in the shed'.

It was his way of saying 'you can't tell me what to do!' and still be able to say that he was doing something productive. But then. he was an arsehole.

Dp and I are as bad as each other. We hate mess but hate tidying. It's clean, just messy.
I've recently had two huge sort outs in two rooms. He fixed the car. I don't mind this as it saves a fortune at the garage and he looks beautiful in overalls.
Talk to your husband.

My DH is like you. Thinks my priorities are wrong because they are not the same as his.0

DoNot have you read the updates? I've already said that when it comes to housework, my DH has always told.me he's useless with prioritising what needs to be done and has directly asked me to point him in the same direction.

I've also been pretty clear about what the different priorities are. Would you say having a bonfire was more important than clearing out a pets tank so that the pet can go back inside now that the weather has gotten colder? (Which I can't do myself because I have an extreme allergic reaction to some of the stuff he needs in the tank). Because I'm pretty sure most people would agree that pet care IS a higher priority than a bonfire.

You make it sound like I just think that what I want done is more important than what my husband wants done in every scenario, which isn't true in the slightest.

Yes yes yes
My DH also has different priorities. I would do: laundry, wipe surfaces, dishwasher, tidy toys away, clean bathroom. He would do: change washer in bath tap, get car tyres replaced, hack back garden, replace bulbs & batteries in smoke alarms.

It's exactly the definition of urgent vs important. He says he simply doesn't notice the things I think are essential.

did it help?what actually ever helped,how to make a man not to be childish and do something which is impo for family housework?