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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister has forgotten my birthday. Am I being a drama queen?

46 replies

PickledCauliflower · 24/09/2016 22:26

Older sister is the only relative I have any contact with. She 53 - I am 48.

Our family life was very dysfunctional. Mother (who was very cold) is now dead, no contact with violent father for last 27 years. Brother very much like him - we both have had no contact with him for years either.

We are pretty close really. We are very different in so many ways, but generally get on. We always do something nice for each other's birthdays.

No contact from her today, no birthday card or mention of my birthday.
She is on holiday at the moment abroad, but she has been messaging me on whatsapp to tell me what the weather is like, etc. Last message was yesterday.
She did not mention my birthday before she went away last week. I was expecting her to give me my card early and suggest we meet up when she returns.

She has forgotten, but I don't understand how? I could never forget her birthday - holidays or not.
My husband asked me today if we had a fall out or something, he couldn't understand how she could just forget.

I'm gutted over it. It makes me feel like she doesn't care a jot about me, to not acknowledge it at all.
Am I being dramatic over this?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 24/09/2016 22:29

Yes a bit.

Why don't you just remind her?

I forget all sorts of dates...especially if I'm shopping/packing/sorting out travel plans and going on holiday.

It doesn't mean I care any less, it just means I've forgotten a birthday.

FarelyKnuts · 24/09/2016 22:30

Well you feel what you feel.
I have one brother, who would possibly ring in or around the week of my birthday but not every year. And I can't say it bothers me too much.
But if you usually mutually remember each others birthdays and celebrate them then yes you can be a bit miffed she forgot.
As she's in holidays away she might be in holiday mode and not thinking about the date though. I know when I'm away, I'm not mentally plugged in to "back home" thoughts.

smallandimperfectlyformed · 24/09/2016 22:31

I don't think you're being a drama queen but I think you may be overthinking this because of your past. She probably has just genuinely forgotten & will be mortified when she realises. Happy Birthday Flowers

WorraLiberty · 24/09/2016 22:31

Meant to say happy birthday Thanks

Did you do anything nice with your DH?

Oysterbabe · 24/09/2016 22:31

I never know what day it is when I'm on holiday.

notapizzaeater · 24/09/2016 22:31

When I'm on holiday I don't 'think" about dates, I know it's Saturday but wouldn't realise it's 24th September. Perhaps she's just nit realised the date

mouldycheesefan · 24/09/2016 22:31

My siste r hasn't bothered with mine since I was 18, that was 30 years ago. I am not bothered. I still bother with hers.

maisybobbins · 24/09/2016 22:34

Oh pickled I'd be a bit sad and sorry for myself if my sister had forgotten my birthday.

She's forgotten, she's on holiday and all wrapped up in herself. I've done it to my sister once or twice and had to send her an embarrassed belated text. And my sister's done it to me.

I'd text her right now with a jokey reminder. "Happy Birthday to me, la la la" or something daft. Then you can wallow in her embarrassed reply.

Doesn't mean she doesn't care, just means she's a bit self absorbed right now for whatever reason. She needs a poke - do it!

Original poster
PickledCauliflower · 24/09/2016 22:37

Thanks for the greetings x
Pizza and wine in front of the TV. Not exactly pushing the boat out but nice all the same :)

I don't think I could remind her. I did once tell an ex boyfriend that he had forgotten, I sort of regretted it as I felt a bit daft.

I think I'm upset as we only really have each other (family wise). Maybe I am a bit nerdy when it comes to dates - I couldn't imagine missing hers.
And I think she would be really annoyed if I did!

OP posts:
littlemissneela · 24/09/2016 22:37

Possibly. She was probably thinking of all the ho,iday plans and it just slipped her mind. If you are so close, talk to her when she gets back.

Happy Birthday Cake Wine Flowers

Original poster
PickledCauliflower · 24/09/2016 22:39

And her first response would be that I should have reminded her.
I don't think I should have to really! I am feeling a bit sorry for myself I must admit.
It will pass, there are more important things to stress over I know :)

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 24/09/2016 22:51

You dont think you should have to remind her when she's busy on holiday?

Like lots of people have said, many of us dont remember what day it is when we're enjoying a holiday.

I wouldnt read too much (or anything actually) into her forgetting.

BillSykesDog · 24/09/2016 22:57

If she doesn't make a habit of it I would imagine that she has no signal/phone broken/pinched etc

Cleebope · 24/09/2016 23:02

I think Yanbu, you love her and are feeling hurt and a bit neglected. She will apologise as soon as she remembers- and you wil forgive her ! That's sisterhood.

jacks11 · 24/09/2016 23:06

Yes, a bit. And wallowing. It would have been nice for her to remember and as she usually does it is understandable that you'd be a tiny but miffed but I think it should be easy to move past after a short while.

Your DS is on holiday and may genuinely have completely forgot because she's away from home and relaxing.

I doubt that this means she doesn't care about you at all. Actually, I don't think it's fair to project that on to her for what is, in the grand scheme of things, a pretty minor error.

foodiefil · 24/09/2016 23:09

Oh bless you! Happy birthday Cake

Redesul · 24/09/2016 23:09

It probably doesn't mean anything. As people have said, she's probably caught up in the whole holiday thing and it's slipped her mind. Maybe when you next speak you can slyly drop the hint that it's your birthday/been your birthday by just saying what you got up to? "just enjoyed a pizza and wine with dh for birthday". If somebody said that to me I wouldn't assume they're reminding me. Then if she says you should have reminded her, just say you wanted to let her enjoy her holiday without her having to worry about your birthday, seeing as you usually seem to do something special

foodiefil · 24/09/2016 23:11

Posted too soon.

Was going to say I NEARLY forgot my sister's birthday last year. No real excuse, we're close, close family etc but I was busy with work and involved in my own shit and nearly didn't remember. I still love her desperately and was devastated I had nearly forgot - she noticed Blush sure your sister will feel the same. It's not personal. Don't dwell on it. Sorry you have no other family. Can you send a Whatsapp of what you've done for it as a gentle/cheeky reminder? Love to you

trafalgargal · 24/09/2016 23:15

Why are you so upset?
That she forgot or that it made you feel a lower priority than you think you should be. Some people are good with birthdays , others not so much .
If it's that important to you that she has to visibly celebrate the anniversary of your birth then when you ring her to ask how the holiday went suggest you get together for a belated birthday lunch.

Frankly above forty I was quite happy to ignore my birthday though just another day .id rather my loved ones treated me when they wanted to rather than on a day they felt they were obliged to.

Original poster
PickledCauliflower · 24/09/2016 23:15

Thanks for your replies :) x

She will probably remember when she is back from her hols - and bollock me for not reminding her!

OP posts:
Original poster
PickledCauliflower · 24/09/2016 23:17

Oops

Sounds like I am a massive drama queen then..
Well, I did ask I suppose!

OP posts:
longdiling · 24/09/2016 23:19

If it helps at all I forgot my Dad's birthday this year. I have no idea how, I've never forgotten before and I love him to bits. He's so very important to me. I felt like absolute shit about it. I only remembered when I saw him a week or so later and saw the birthday cards! It's understandable that you're upset but it could just be a weird brain wobble like mine, it doesn't necessarily mean you aren't important to her.

LostSight · 24/09/2016 23:22

I love my sister very much. I sent her a lovely present not that long ago for her fiftieth birthday. A few years ago, when I was really caught up in something and the days were all melding into one another, I managed to forget her birthday. I felt awful when I remembered, and have never forgotten since. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes.

Hugs for you though. It's not at all unreasonable to be upset.

WorraLiberty · 24/09/2016 23:24

My ex and I forgot ex MIL's birthday one year and I can't even remember why.

But she was so lovely that when we went round for Sunday lunch 3 days after her birthday, she hid all her cards and flowers so as not to make us feel bad Blush

When we finally realised, we felt much fucking worse Grin

GabsAlot · 24/09/2016 23:31

she wasprob going to do something but on holliday you can compeltel forget what day time even month it is

i know thats what happens when i go away