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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate the thought of birthday parties

94 replies

speedymama · 05/02/2007 11:47

DTS received a party invitation for a soon to be 3yo from the parents of a toddler in their class at nursery and my first instinct was to say no. I have never spoken to the parents and tbh, I can't be bothered with things like this.

DH says we should allow them to go, particularly as most of the toddlers will be attending, according to their key worker. So I have relented and they are going.

Am I the only modern parent who wants nothing to do with birthday parties? I did not have one when I was growing up and and do not feel deprived because of it. I have already told DH that there is no way I am going to be wasting money on hiring halls, entertainers etc for our DTS when they are older. If they want to have a party when they are older, then I'm prepared for them to invite a few close friends to the house (not the whole class - grrrr) and I will happily bake a cake, make a few sandwiches, provide a few nibbles and organise party games like pass the parcel. Oh, there will be no party bags.

Am I mean?

OP posts:

hana · 05/02/2007 11:48

hana · 05/02/2007 11:50

you don't have to go to great expense to celebrate a birthday - children that age are happy with a birthday cake and a couple of friends over to play with their toys

PersonalClown · 05/02/2007 11:51

Not at all. My parents are pushing for a birthday party for my ds. He's autistic and doesn't get it at all. He understands Christmas because of all the hype beforehand but just doesn't get his birthday.
I don't see the whole popularity contest thing with hiring halls, entertainers etc unless your child is a social butterfly and you can afford it.

hockeypuck · 05/02/2007 11:52

I think you're missing out Speedymama. Parties are fun! Kids LOVE them! they help build happy memories and make kids feel special and share fun with their friends.

I love doing parties, organising party bags, games etc. DD gets so much happiness from hers that I'll be doing it all again for DS when he is 1 in April.

jabberwocky · 05/02/2007 11:53

IME, around 3 is when they really start getting into it. Definitely let them go. Maybe your dh can take them.

edam · 05/02/2007 11:55

I'd be happy just having a few of ds's friends over for the sort of party I had in my own childhood - pass the parcel, ham and cheese sticks in a foil hedgehog and a cake. But round here it's soft play/halls and entertainers all the way so I know ds will want the same. He's going to be four next birthday - if it's like this now, what on earth will it be like when he's older?!

At least I don't have a dd, one 5yo I know had a 'pampering party' where they all got their nails painted. Would Not Be Allowed chez Edam.

aDad · 05/02/2007 11:55

I'm never filled with joy at the prospect of birthday parties either but sometimes you're pleasantly surprised, and your children always love them.

And there's always that relief-high when they're over.

hockeypuck · 05/02/2007 11:57

Oh and also, I think it seems to be a fact of life now that for the ages of 4-8 or so there are big parties with lots of children (if not the whole class) attending. My dd started reception last september and has been to parties almost every weekend. Obviously we'll have to have a big party ourselves to reciprocate but she loves the thought of that and loves to help plan things.

Actually though it is a relatively short time that this happens before they get older and have the more manageable parties of a car load of friends going to the cinema or a museum or whatever.

Personally, I am just of the school of thought that just enjoy each stage for what it is, yes, it's hard to plan parties and things but they're nice memories to have and you'll treasure the memories that your DT's have of their parties long after they've grown up and left home.

And look on the bright side - at least they are twins and you only have to throw one party for two of them

Original poster

speedymama · 05/02/2007 12:05

I just hate doing things just because everyone else is doing it. This child is going to be 3yo and I doubt he really understands or appreciates all the palarva that is parents are putting themselves though to organise this. They have invited everybody from their nursery class (nearly 20) plus no doubt there will be kids from outside the nursery. As far as I'm concerned this is more about satisfying the parent's ego rather than celebrating their toddler's birthday.

My DTS will be 3yo in a few weeks. I will bake them a cake, give them a few presents and that's it. They will be happy with that. I just think anything else is over the top! Grrrrr!

OP posts:

SNOWBall4girlz · 05/02/2007 12:10

I think you just have to go with the flow
they will be getting invites all the time now.

joint party is the way to go I did one fr my girls with an entertainer and simple food was a big hit and not too much trouble

I like going to the partys most of the mums stay and we get to have a nice chat while the kids play.

fennel · 05/02/2007 12:12

I do think it's a shame that there's so much "party inflation" going on - my dds would be quite happy still with parties at home, but when everyone else is hiring a hall and a magician etc it feels a bit impossible to go for the home-based option. And I do know that it means people just don't have parties as the hall and entertainment options seem to expensive, which is a real shame.

Edam, my dds just went to a "make-over" 5th birthday party. My girls refused to try make up and cried because there were pink tutus provided for the girls to decorate but they wanted to decorate cardboard surfboards (which were reserved for the boys).

tirnanog · 05/02/2007 12:14

I think there can be an element of one up-manship with childrens parties,an opportunity to show off a little and the child gets forgotten!

jabberwocky · 05/02/2007 12:14

No party at all gor your dts???? Ds1 loved his party last year. He talked about it for ages. I didn'y go completely overboard, but we had 8 or 10 kids w/ parents. It was summer so it was a water theme. Cake, fruit, and juice boxes or water. Went to the dollar store for gift bag items - easy and cheap.

fennel · 05/02/2007 12:15

I'm planning a big party for dd3's third birthday soon. Not to satisfy my ego but because we like having parties and it will be fun. and because 3 year olds are so uncynical and unstatus conscious that they are fun to invite to a party.

edam · 05/02/2007 12:16

Fennel, my ds took great delight in wearing a pink tutu he found in the dressing up box at a friends' party (big sister's tutu). He was twirling round admiring himself and telling everyone he was a fairy!

He was not quite three at the time, though, not sure he'd do it now he's at nursery school and discovering gender stereotyping. Came home on Friday and told me 'all girls like green and all boys like blue'. No idea what that's about!

jabberwocky · 05/02/2007 12:16

Sorry, one-handed typing atm...

castlesintheair · 05/02/2007 12:16

I totally agree speedymama about satisfying the parents' ego! We went to a party for a 3 & 1 year old where they had about 40 children (and parents), they'd hired a magician & had a disco ffs. I just kept thinking "what will they do next year?"!!

Having said that, I take my DCs to parties because they love them

Hulababy · 05/02/2007 12:16

DD adores parties and has done for a while - I agree, age 3 seems to be when they started. She is 5 in April. Now the children talk about them before and after - they don't care on where the party is, what type it was, etc. but just that there was a aprty and they went with their friends.

I love doing parties for DD - great fun! I think you are potentially missing out on the fun yourself, and also for your little ones - especially not wanting them to go to other children's parties.

fennel · 05/02/2007 12:18

Edam, one of the wilder more boisterous 5yo boys at the party put on make-up and wore a pink tutu with great pleasure, though his mother kept trying to discourage him .

Hulababy · 05/02/2007 12:21

I am just sorting DD's party out now - it's in March but need to get hall and bouncy castle booked. Why going to the trouble? I love it. Couldn't care less what others do - we just do what we want to do and have fun in the process - so there will be a castle, a craft table (maybe painting mugs I think), a little disco music, football nets at far end (already there), food sat on floor on picnic blankets with food boxes, no formal games, party bags (probably using the mugs rather than bags though), and a cake - for 25-30 children. Providing nibbles and drinks for parents - round here lots of parents stay and have a chat and get to know each other, so will make sure they can do so comfortably. I love it all - seems a great idea for everyone to get together and have fun together, especially the children. Also aware that as DD gets older, parties will get smaller with just a select few children...so enjoying it while I can!

tirnanog · 05/02/2007 12:35

Sons birthday soon,will have cake,pass the parcel,play musical statues,musical chairs and 'What time Mr.Wolf'.Hopefully the weather will be fine and the children can go and run around outside like mad things.I'm looking forward to it and love children's parties immensely

TooTicky · 05/02/2007 12:38

Speedymama, I'm with you. At 3, it should be a small group of close friends only, and at home. I think there is an awful lot of showing off - parents and kids. Oh, and I detest party bags - plastic and Haribo, yuck!

Original poster

speedymama · 05/02/2007 14:21

At christmas we went to a family get together. If I ask the boys about it now, they don't remember it. I doubt they will remember this party but I will take them along, grin and bear it. I just think the whole thing is pointless if they can't remember it.

OP posts:

tirnanog · 05/02/2007 14:28

The funny thing is they'll remember if they don't have a party and will go on and on about the fact forever and make you feel guilty[I know,believe me!]

tirnanog · 05/02/2007 14:31

The year you don't have a party will be etched into their memories,and yours

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