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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate the thought of birthday parties

94 replies

speedymama · 05/02/2007 11:47

DTS received a party invitation for a soon to be 3yo from the parents of a toddler in their class at nursery and my first instinct was to say no. I have never spoken to the parents and tbh, I can't be bothered with things like this.

DH says we should allow them to go, particularly as most of the toddlers will be attending, according to their key worker. So I have relented and they are going.

Am I the only modern parent who wants nothing to do with birthday parties? I did not have one when I was growing up and and do not feel deprived because of it. I have already told DH that there is no way I am going to be wasting money on hiring halls, entertainers etc for our DTS when they are older. If they want to have a party when they are older, then I'm prepared for them to invite a few close friends to the house (not the whole class - grrrr) and I will happily bake a cake, make a few sandwiches, provide a few nibbles and organise party games like pass the parcel. Oh, there will be no party bags.

Am I mean?

OP posts:

foxtrot · 05/02/2007 14:40

I agree with you about not throwing a lavish do with hall plus entertainer or soft play. I hold mine at home, up to 10 children.
In my experience most 3 year olds enjoy and remember parties. My DD has just turned 3 and she was desperate to have a party with her little friends.
You don't have to do party bags, i love thinking up a little treat to take home, but it could be just a slice of cake and a balloon.

marymillington · 05/02/2007 14:41

Surely as soon as you go to a party every week (or every other week) it stops being special? Even if its your own.

Original poster

speedymama · 05/02/2007 14:43

At nearly 3yo, they don't know about parties, I can guarantee they won't ask for one and I doubt they will ask for one until they start school. They had a Christmas party at the nursery - they have never mentioned it (then or since). It's the adults who make a big deal about parties, not the children (especially under 5s).

If they want to have a party when they are much older, I'll allow a small one at the house with only their close friends (don't believe in providing for hanger ons).

OP posts:

Tortington · 05/02/2007 14:44

i hate parties
i hate kids

mine had a tea party 2 friends each.

they could have a whoospy doo party and no present.

they only went to parties of close school friends.

what am i - a personal fucking social calander?

so no -i dont think your being unreasonable.

if your dp wants to do it - let him. sit back and make a coffee, eat a cake and watch tv for 2 hours.

Skyler · 05/02/2007 14:53

I resent the fact that I will be spending more on dd's party than I do on her present. I find the whole thing quite stressful. Last year (when she was 3) we had just moved and so just had two children we knew and their parents round. She still talks about it and had a lovely time despite the fact the brother and sister who were invited played with each other and not her. And they were late and that nearly broke my heart seeing her in her party dress all excited looking out of the window waiting for them. This year she has asked for the soft play area as she has been to a party there. I wanted to hire a hall and just do games but even at nearly four she knows what she wants and I am feeling the pressure to comply. Arrgh.

Lazycow · 05/02/2007 14:57

I love parties so I admit I would do it because I enjoy it but ds LOVED his party this year and still talks about the birthday hat he had. I think it is a bit harsh to say it is mostly about parents showing off - Some just like this sort of thing/ I personally absolutetly loathe the newborn stage of childhood but I can understand (just about) that some people love it. Childrens parties are a bit like that, some people like them some don't and some just don't care.

However if you don't like them then don't bother. You are right that until your childen actually ask for them the parties tend to be about us adults and what we want really.

I also agree though that if your dh wants them to go or to have parties he should take then and organise them etc. That way you both win.

Original poster

speedymama · 05/02/2007 15:13

DH does not want to go on his own so I have to go with him.

Custy - you make me laugh. Social** calender - brilliant.

Just a thought. DTS don't talk about their forthcoming birthday because neither DH and I have mentioned it to them or made a big deal about it. Consquently, neither do they. Of course we are delighted that they have reached another milestone and we will mark it with a homemade cake as well as a couple of presents and DH & I will sing happy birthday to them. Anything else is just superfluous nonsense.

OP posts:

Hulababy · 05/02/2007 15:15

Not a chance I am having a party in my house! Would way rather spend the £30 for the hall - money definitely well spent for me!!! LOL.

Hulababy · 05/02/2007 15:17

Birthdays are big things in our house - not nonsense to us! But each to their own. We all do what is right for us, and no one is wrong in that!

Original poster

speedymama · 05/02/2007 15:21

Agree. I even refused a party for my 40th birthday - I hate parties!

OP posts:

Hulababy · 05/02/2007 15:39

Have to say though, although I love doing it for DD, I never have parties or do anything big for mine!

Clary · 05/02/2007 15:52

I love planning and staging children?s parties (tho DD?s last yr was stressful - but I know what to avoid next time).

DS2 is 4 in April and am planning apirate party, pirate-themed games, pirate craft (decorate a parot pic or make a pirate mask) etc.

He loves parties, has just had invite to his best pal?s this Sunday and it?s all he can talk about. The invite was his fave thing that day, buying the pressie the best thing the next day, making a card the next day &c. I think it?s fun. But if y?re not keen speedymama, why not just have 8 pals over to a soft play place? Not my choice but hassle free. Don?t do it cause everyone else does - do it cause the DTs will love it, surely? DS1 (7) can still recall his 3rd b/day party.

BTW the fashion in DD's class is now parties at home/trad ones with games in a hall rather than soft play. Kids seem to enjoy it more.

motherinferior · 05/02/2007 15:54

Oh, I like parties for me me ME. People gather round and tell me how very youthful I'm looking and pour me champagne. Fabulous.

DD1, sadly, feels much the same way. I do see her point, though. The chance to dash around with one's mates and eat too much cake. What's not to like?

LittleSarah · 05/02/2007 15:56

I will be happy to organise a party for dd, she will be 3 in April but I have no idea how to go about it. What to do with the kids, what to expect... I am hoping she will be invited to a party before then so I can do some research, otherwise I think it will be family, presents and cake!

wheresthehamster · 05/02/2007 16:48

I love it!!

My 3 dds all have their birthdays within 10 days of each other in February.

I spend every waking moment after Christmas planning parties, presents and surprises.

The primary years are the biggest parties after that it's a few friends for a celebration and sleepover.
Quite often I've done two parties in a weekend, once it was two on one day! The dds like helping and planning and getting the right things for the bags (just sweets not plastic stuff).

I can see your point at the moment, yours are young still. Although mine were invited to a few before they went to school they never had their own until they were 5. You might change your mind later on when they become more demanding!

fennel · 06/02/2007 09:21

littlesarah, with 3 year olds, they will be useless at all the games but enjoy trying them. I would do things like musical bumps, sleeping lions, pass the parcel (several times as they like it), dancing "competition", chocolate button hunt. and that's about it. a few toys and dressing up clothes out for those who don't want to join in games. wine for parents who stay with their children (they mostly do at this age). playing with balloons. playing in garden if it's warm enough. spend lots of time over the having tea part which is what matters most to a 3 year old.

Mala · 06/02/2007 12:35

I love parties and so does dd. I think 3 is a great age to have a party-dd loved hers(had it at a soft playcentre)and talked about it for ages.
While some parents might go ott, I don't see what's wrong with having big parties. If they enjoy that and have the means to do it, good for them. I think there can be a bit of inverse snobbery on mumsnet sometimes where people think that just because it's a "fancy"/big party that the parents are doing it to "show off". I really don't think that is the case and everyone should be comfortable doing whatever(or nothing)suits them, their children and their budget. The children are happy with whatever party they go to - whether it's a small one at home or a big one in a hall with an entertainer. It's more the parents who are like "Oooh did you see how much they spent? What a waste on a 3/4 year old" Why judge them. It's just a chance for the children to meet their friends, have a play and cake. Yes it can be boring to take them sometimes, but there are so sweet and innocent at this age, it is lovely to see their enjoyement.

Original poster

speedymama · 07/02/2007 09:18

I keep mentioning the forthcoming party to DTS and they have not got a clue about what I'm talking about. I also mentioned their forthcoming 3rd birthday several times, the fact that I'm going to bake them a cake, they will receive a few presents and we will take them for a long walk in a nice park as a treat and guess what, they look blankly at me and say something like, "play with Thomas the Tank engine now".

I'm proud of the fact that they have not been indoctrinated with the "birthday parties are compulsory" mantra that appears to be prevalent in modern society. IMHO of course.

OP posts:

Original poster

speedymama · 08/02/2007 10:10

Gulp

When I was driving DTS home after picking them up from nursery, DT1 said that he was going to X's party and that he liked parties. Now where did that come from?

I can't believe that I may have to eat humble pie. Still determined not to give in to pester and peer pressure though.

OP posts:

BandofMothers · 08/02/2007 10:22

My dd1 was 3 just before xmas. I had a little party with 6 friends, nibbles, a cake and pass the parcel. She absolutely loved it. It was simple and fun.
PS, you can buy a ready made pass the parcel for 6 quid at Arbon and Watts, with 10 layers, a toy in each, and a main pressie.
I thought "is that just too lazy?" But figured by the time you buy it all and wrap it all, you've easily spent 6 quid. Plus this way I don't have to sit wrapping for ages.
Perfect

Polgara2 · 08/02/2007 10:23

Well much as I find it a pain arranging parties, the pleasure dd's get out of them makes it worth it. Didn't have them until they were at school though. And NO WAY having them at home - much rather fork out the money and let someone else do all the work . Large parties are only for a couple of years anyway as someone else said, once they get to about 8 they whittle it down to a much smaller, more manageable number - thank goodness! I never had parties when I was a child and yes I did feel that I was missing out so am determined my children don't feel the same!

Original poster

speedymama · 08/02/2007 10:28

I must admit, what Clary said "Don?t do it cause everyone else does - do it cause the DTs will love it, surely?", really struck me and I am mellowing.

Still determined not to be sucked in though.

OP posts:

TinyGang · 08/02/2007 10:44

I haven't read the whole thread. I don't hate them, but organinsing them, especially my dt's first party after they'd started school last year required lots of gin on my part.

It was well worth it though - they loved it. I think children like parties because it helps them to get to know each other out of school.

It's after school friends round for tea (I refuse to say the word playdate!) that gets to me.

I feel I should do it but I really don't want to. After school with three of my own in a small house is manic enough without intoducing more into the equation.

One of my friends has turned 'who shall we have for tea next?' into a part time job I think - she must've had everyone round within a fifty mile radius by now.

BandofMothers · 08/02/2007 10:48

Doesn't have to be huge and expensive. Liked the point about someone else doing the work, but think the price is a bit steep.
At dd's 3rd birthday, everytime I turned around to tidy something, one of the other mum's was already half way through it!!!
I also remember being really upset when my mum didn't let me have a party on my 8th b'day. She was heavily prego with my little bro who arrived 8 days later. I never understood, until the last few days of pregnancy, when you don't feel like doing anything.(except giving birth)

fizzbuzz · 08/02/2007 10:58

Wait until they get older. I was told it gets less expensive then, and they get less interested in it.Unfortunately dd now age 13 STILL wants parties, eg lazerzone etc. Cost is astronomical.....

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