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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate the thought of birthday parties

94 replies

speedymama · 05/02/2007 11:47

DTS received a party invitation for a soon to be 3yo from the parents of a toddler in their class at nursery and my first instinct was to say no. I have never spoken to the parents and tbh, I can't be bothered with things like this.

DH says we should allow them to go, particularly as most of the toddlers will be attending, according to their key worker. So I have relented and they are going.

Am I the only modern parent who wants nothing to do with birthday parties? I did not have one when I was growing up and and do not feel deprived because of it. I have already told DH that there is no way I am going to be wasting money on hiring halls, entertainers etc for our DTS when they are older. If they want to have a party when they are older, then I'm prepared for them to invite a few close friends to the house (not the whole class - grrrr) and I will happily bake a cake, make a few sandwiches, provide a few nibbles and organise party games like pass the parcel. Oh, there will be no party bags.

Am I mean?

OP posts:

fennel · 08/02/2007 11:19

Toys in every layer of pass the parcel? . that's grade inflation. Use old newspaper, little sweet in each layer (obviously, this being Mumsnet, I'm only recommending Sugar free sweets only or perhaps a healthy raisin or something...), little present in the middle. Cost: maybe 50p. Time, maybe 5 mins to wrap.

BandofMothers · 08/02/2007 15:38

Now you mention it, I seem to remember pass the parcel with newspaper when I was little.
But I still opted for the easy way and bought one. Pressies in it were pretty good too.
I also do party bags because I used to love them when I was a kid.

attheendoftheday · 25/05/2013 07:54

I am a recent veteran of my first ever birthday party for dd1, and I'm glad I dif it, she loved it. We did hire a hall (as our house is the size of a postage stamp), but just borrowed as many big toys as we could and played a couple of games.

I am even a convert to party bags. I dithered over whether to do them, but after seeing the delight a couple of little things in a bag caused I am sold and would do it again.

attheendoftheday · 25/05/2013 07:55

Oops, sorry this is an old thread!

attheendoftheday · 25/05/2013 08:00

OrlaKiely · 25/05/2013 08:02

I hate parties...hate going to them, and having them.

A friend or two is great - but anything more and it becomes a mad free for all and out of control (when they are 7+ anyway and often before that)

We went to one recently that was just hideous - the kids were all screaming and hitting each other, within minutes, wrecking the hired room and the music was horrible (all love/sex rubbish, for 5yos) and the food was horrible and it was a lovely day outside, and we weren't allowed to go out into the garden.

I just do not see the point. The child whose birthday it was spent most of it crying, his mother had a panic attack, honestly I wish we hadn't bothered.

ll31 · 25/05/2013 08:03

Probably the twins are now getting too old for big parties! Thought attitude of op bit miserable tbh,wonder if she relented and had parties!

Jibberoo · 25/05/2013 08:11

I kind of agree with you but also kind of disagree. Lots of ds friends have big class parties but they're not oot. I don't want a whole class party but just 10 friends for ds when he's 4 but I wouldn't even have more than 3 at home as there's just not enough room unless te weather is nice (and even in August you can't be sure). So I have no choice but to go somewhere. We did hall party last year and I won't do that again but will consider zoo/soft play instead. If I could rely on weather id happily do a party in the park but knowing our luck it will rain. So while I won't be inviting the whole class I do want to celebrate it somehow and he def will understand his birthday (its 3 months away and he already asks when his birthday will be as his friends have birthdays).
As everyone says, it only lasts a few years

OrlaKiely · 25/05/2013 08:26

Well I'm not sure that it does tbh.

Maybe it depends on what the parents do socially - but lots of teenagers seem to have parties when their folks go away for a few nights and there seems to be a lot of wreckage and police involvement...are we teaching them that this is Ok because it's a party? By letting them go so nuts when they are small.

raisah · 25/05/2013 09:04

I hired our local hall for £25 for the whole afternoon (v cheap) & bought cheap party bag gifts & craft sets from the yellow moon company. I did invite about 30 ppl but they were a mix of family & friends. I didnt have parties as a child which is why I do them for my kids. I dont spend a fortune, just simple food and traditional entertainment.

Having parties help children socialise with their peers. Onr way to get to know the parents is to invite them to the party. You dont want them to feel left out.

ENormaSnob · 25/05/2013 09:22

Fuck me, this threads twice as old as the birthday child

Tee2072 · 25/05/2013 09:28

You don't have to spend a fortune and it's fun.

Do you not like fun?

I do think 3 is too young. My son's first party is in 2 weeks and he'll be 4. So we've invited his preschool friends around for cake and running around in the garden. You really don't need anything else at this age.

Tee2072 · 25/05/2013 09:29

Oh fuck! I hate being sucked in by zombie threads!!

DeskPlanner · 25/05/2013 09:59

I really want to know if the Dts In the op ever had a party. Wonder if the op is still around.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 25/05/2013 11:15

My 4yo loves parties, I suppose we do make a big-ish deal of them (we don't spend a fortune or anything like that though) because we enjoy being hosts and being sociable, which we don't often get the chance to do.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 25/05/2013 11:17

Argh. Bloody zombies!

They must be 8/9 now? I wonder if they've had a party yet!

stopgap · 25/05/2013 12:02

I'e never been one to celebrate my birthday. I had one party, when I was six-years-old, but otherwise my parents did not bother. It seemed that, back in the late 70s/early 80s, only a third of the kids in my class had parties that extended beyond a few ham sandwiches with family.

I hate that, to this day, I view my birthday with abject dread, and am determined not to pass on this attitude to my DS. We won't be doing much for his forthcoming 2nd birthday, but I'd like to think there will be some nice-but-not-extravagant birthday celebrations in his future.

nightingalefloor · 25/05/2013 12:15

I have the opposite problem. DD would love a party, I'm just worried about who would come :( If they're lucky enough to have invitations, absolutely let them go.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 25/05/2013 12:22

YANBU I don't like them either. They provide parents with untold pressure and worry and not all kids enjoy them either. My DD never wants a big affair but then I feel bad as she's accepted multiple invitations over the year and so I feel I must reciprocate!

DD hates being the centre of attention but likes to join in on other kids parties! What the hell do I do?? I grew up in the 70s and only the well off families did parties...mine was celebrated with a nice cake from the baker with my name on and a present....cards came in the post from friends and relitives and nice neighbour might pop round with a box of maltesers....I was THRILLED with all this!

FarBetterNow · 25/05/2013 12:23

I wonder if speedy has had parties for the DTS in the last few years.
I hope so.

bedmonster · 25/05/2013 12:23

Am wondering if the OP is still a party hater and if her DTs have ever had a party 6 years down the line! In fact, her DTs are the same age as my DD and I asked her what she did for her 3rd birthday - she remembered we went to Legoland, and she had a build a bear party!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 25/05/2013 12:23

Nightingale why do you worry about who would come? Can you do a small outing or tea party at home?

nightingalefloor · 25/05/2013 12:56

NeoMaxi because she's really struggling friendship wise at the moment :( She's been at her current school since January but hasn't really settled down and made any friends, she spends most play times by herself. I could invite her dancing friends but most of them are a few years older than her, so I think they look after her because she's the youngest rather than because they're her friends IYSWIM. She hasn't been invited to any of theirs. But then I'm new to all this as I have her under special guardianship, so perhaps I haven't gotten my head around how birthday parties work!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 25/05/2013 13:24

It took my now 8 year old DD a whole year to settle at her new school. She's one of the youngest and began at the start of year 3...of course all the others had well established friendships and being shy and young, she had a hard time.

Are the school doing anything to support DD? They should be....she is under their care at school and they have n obligation to help her to intergrate....How old is she? My DDs teacher really tried and one thing she did was to instigate this thing where she taught the DC circle games at playtime ...kind teacher gave up her own breaks to do this for an entire term! She had them learning games like Farmer in the Dell and taught them old fashioned clapping games which by the way, a year later are still being played....DD slowly, over the year made one friend and that has now (almost 2 years later) expanded into about 4 friendships.

Your DDs age is important...if she is under 9 then it's easier...

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 25/05/2013 13:31

Also how involved are you at her school? Do you manage to do school runs? Can you volunteer? Ask the teacher about how you can help and what she or he plans to do in terms of helping her to intergrate/

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