To wish I'd just had a c section?

[Absofrigginlootly]

DD is 22 months old. Had a vaginal delivery after over an hour at the pushing stage (!) with failed vontouse so they used forceps with an episiotomy. Still resulted in a 3rd degree tear. I had to go to theatre straightaway afterwards anyway because of a retained placenta (and they stitched me up while I was there) so I ended up being separated from DD for 1.5 hours only 10 minutes after she was born . This affected both myself and DD for quite some time.

My recovery was awful, I could barely walk, sit or climb the stairs for several months. It made breastfeeding so much harder because I couldn't move about easily.

I've had to have ongoing physio to try and improve my pelvic floor tone. I have always enjoyed running, it's the only exercise I do enjoy because I feel like it gives you a good whole body workout and gets you outside in the fresh air. I'm not one for gyms, loud music and exercise machines.... My physio said to me today that running is not really the best exercise for me because of the 'pounding' affect it has on the pelvic floor. She said she's obviously not going to tell me I can't do it, but that she thought something like an elliptical trainer would be better.

I feel gutted. I wish I'd just had a bloody c section when it was obvious that DD was stuck and not coming out on her own.

But I was so out of it at that point that when they asked me if I wanted to avoid a section they could use forceps I just said whatever you thinks best you're the obgyn!

I hadn't done much research about birthing options tbh because I was sort of in denial that we'd actually reach the point of giving birth (long story) so also feel angry at myself for not researching it because I've since read several things online and on here where people have said that they would always pass over vontouse/forceps and go straight for c section. But really, it shouldn't be down to the patient to have to advocate for their best interests should it? The HCPs should be doing that anyway.

Aibu to think that the whole push to get c section rates down is actually a negative influence on women's birth experiences and choices?

Just feeling fragile. Please be kind

You poor thing. I had a C-section and it was a lot less traumatic than your experience.

Just about this bit: I hadn't done much research about birthing options... so also feel angry at myself for not researching

Cut yourself some slack on this. Until you've given birth, it's very difficult to think about the different scenarios. And there are so many! How you could anticipate them all? I certainly skipped the C-section in my pregnancy books because I was going to have a home water birth. Ha bloody ha.

*by mistake instead of giving me Asilone she had poured me a drink of ACETONE (nail varnish remover)!!!
*

what the fuck?!

I could barely move for the first 3-4 weeks, I was in that much pain and it was almost 10 months before I could stand up straight again.

Yeah, and the midwives insist you should be in no pain after 3 days! And if you are it's just wind! After 3 days they told me that I shouldn't be in pain any more so I would have no more assistance going up a floor to the SCBU. I had to shuffle up there in tears of pain and the assistance was only reinstated when the chief executive of the hospital saw me and demanded to know what the fuck was going on!

I had a similar experience with DS2. A 47 hour labour which ended in every intervention short of CS. Still can't sit down properly two years on. I often wonder if I should have just had CS.

All I know is you can't turn the clock back. Don't beat yourself up op. I hope you get back to full recovery very soon. But in the meantime be kind to yourself.

I wish I had had an elective C-section also.

The real scandal here is that it is somehow sold as routine that women emerge from both CS and VB physically and mentally damaged.

It took me 4 years to recover my mental health, and I am still physically damaged with no likelihood of recovery.

But...hey...just par for the course

The thing is (as proven on this thread) an elective section is no guarantee of a great birth either. I was utterly convinced that having a sense of control and not having my perineum torn and stitched back together after days of labour and hours of pushing would make for a good birth......but it really didn't, in fact it was worse.

I think the whole way birth (of any variety) is prepared for, talked about and then dealt with in hospital (both in the labour ward and post natally) needs a massive overhaul.

Oh yes. The ideas they have about how you "should" recover! My section was more extensive than most because my baby was stuck in the the birth canal and I had also lost large amounts of blood. However, once they moved me onto the ward I wasn't asked if I was ready to do as they asked - I was told what I should be ready for. So they forced me to go for a shower, or try too and I collapsed in the hall on the way to the bath room. When I came round I was told off for not warning them I felt feint. I was weak, vulnerable and very very sick - I didn't have the energy to fight them about going for a shower so after I told them once in wasn't sure I was ready I just let th bully me into it.

billsykes and lady I completely agree.... (Btw that is awful that they bullied you then told you off for fainting!!!!)
I think post natal care in the uk is shite (speaking as someone who also used to work in HV!). Part of what made the experience more traumatic was the total disregard of the emotional side. It's a big deal for a lot if women to be separated from your baby minutes after delivery! And of course I'm grateful that it wasn't for longer but it still contributed to the overall trauma.

This thread has been very helpful to me though for making me think that a section wouldn't have necessarily been a 'better' alternative so Thankyou to everyone for replying.

I'm still 99.9% sure I'm having an elective if we have another one though!!

They are woefully understaffed and just didn't have time to find out that I wasn't being awkward and dramatic, I genuinely was too weak to walk to the bathroom. They kept forgetting my antibiotics too which is probably what landed me in intensive care with Sepsis in the end.
The thing is anything thats unexpected can lead to complications so if I'd pushed for an elective section rather then trying for a VBAC I'd probably have had a nice calm experience and been home in a couple of days. Equally if I'd managed a straightforward VBAC I could've been home in a couple of hours. It's the complications that are the problem not the method of delivery.
Just don't underestimate birth trauma, I've just completed a course of treatment for PTSD and as important as dealing with the trauma was allowing myself to be upset by what happened to me. All too often were expected to just carry on accept birth can sometimes be shit. It can. But that doesn't mean we should take space and time to recover from it.

metal yes the outcomes are indeed different for each type of CS. In the past few years I read a very interesting paper looking at the risks of a CS on subsequent pregnancies.

If you are only looking at that one instance that baby, that birth your results will be different to looking at the risks with multiple CS etc.

For example having a CS for the first child, leads to a greater risk of placental problems in the second pregnancy. Although it is a complication of the first CS, it is of course not recorded as such. Each subsequent section increases the risk yet again, and is not recorded as such.

I have to say, my section was not a big deal. At all. Purely anecdotal but everyone in a group of women of my age group that I happen to know of all ended up have sections. With the exception of one (nasty infection) all were equally fine. The general trauma all seems to be around vaginal birth and while some I know of were fine (and obviously the ideal) others were much, much worse than your every day, run of the mill section.

Not unreasonable at all. I had a quick birth, lots of pushing towards the end, baby in distress, ventous delivery resulting in 4th degree tear. I also went straight to surgery and didn't see DS for over 5 hours

Had four operations over two years then buried my head in the sand. My aftercare was terrible.

Fast forward eight years and I was having bad bladder and bowel problems. I'd never even heard of prolapse. Saw a urogynaecologist, both bladder and bowel had prolapsed and what was left of my perineum needed repairing. Had surgery and was good for about a year.

Am now awaiting another MRI and an appointment with a colorectal bod.

The only thing I can say is to make sure pelvic floor exercises are done correctly and regularly.

But yes, I REALLY wish I'd had a C-section.