To wish I'd just had a c section?

[Absofrigginlootly]

DD is 22 months old. Had a vaginal delivery after over an hour at the pushing stage (!) with failed vontouse so they used forceps with an episiotomy. Still resulted in a 3rd degree tear. I had to go to theatre straightaway afterwards anyway because of a retained placenta (and they stitched me up while I was there) so I ended up being separated from DD for 1.5 hours only 10 minutes after she was born . This affected both myself and DD for quite some time.

My recovery was awful, I could barely walk, sit or climb the stairs for several months. It made breastfeeding so much harder because I couldn't move about easily.

I've had to have ongoing physio to try and improve my pelvic floor tone. I have always enjoyed running, it's the only exercise I do enjoy because I feel like it gives you a good whole body workout and gets you outside in the fresh air. I'm not one for gyms, loud music and exercise machines.... My physio said to me today that running is not really the best exercise for me because of the 'pounding' affect it has on the pelvic floor. She said she's obviously not going to tell me I can't do it, but that she thought something like an elliptical trainer would be better.

I feel gutted. I wish I'd just had a bloody c section when it was obvious that DD was stuck and not coming out on her own.

But I was so out of it at that point that when they asked me if I wanted to avoid a section they could use forceps I just said whatever you thinks best you're the obgyn!

I hadn't done much research about birthing options tbh because I was sort of in denial that we'd actually reach the point of giving birth (long story) so also feel angry at myself for not researching it because I've since read several things online and on here where people have said that they would always pass over vontouse/forceps and go straight for c section. But really, it shouldn't be down to the patient to have to advocate for their best interests should it? The HCPs should be doing that anyway.

Aibu to think that the whole push to get c section rates down is actually a negative influence on women's birth experiences and choices?

Just feeling fragile. Please be kind

Which is to say, I agree! C section is not the worst outcome!

Also forgot the 2 goes at cauterising some of the scar tissue off

I think maybe your right, some consultants and hospitals often get too caught up in the stats and in doing so lose sight of what is best for the mother. However, as the obstetrician poster up thread has said, opting for a section that late poses significant risks to the baby.

I had an almost identical birth experience to yours. I'm tiny, my baby had a very large head, he got stuck transverse. Pushed for 1.5 hours, then gave me a break and I was brought to theatre for forceps. My ds came out safely (albeit covered in blood) but I was BATTERED. I had retained placenta, 1.5l blood loss, three transfusions and was hospitalised for over a week. Like you, I couldn't walk, had zero urinary control and went home in nappies like my newborn baby. It's was like I had been in a road traffic accident.

It has taken me a long time to make peace with what happened to me, but after reading many reputable sources on cephalopelvic disproportion and c-section risks associated with full dilation I now feel a lot better about things (if the baby is too far down they need to drag the baby back up for section, v high risk!)

I'm still not right but I'm hoping that when we're finished our family I can have corrective surgery to repair my pelvic floor. I knew before my baby was born that his head measured big yet I was never offered a section, for a long time that pissed me right off. I felt that everything could have been avoided if I'd just had a section, but the thing is they cannot foresee potential problems and the guidelines state women should be given a trial of labour.

Also like you, I've been told categorically that any other babies will be c-section and I'm fine with that.

I know it sounds a bit glib but I take great comfort from the fact that my baby is completely healthy and happy. I know someone who had a difficult birth and her baby has cerebral palsy as a result of oxygen deprivation. I know I got ripped to pieces but it can be fixed.

If you ever want to chat about it, feel free to pm me

Yanbu-I had a failed induction and a very traumatic time with examinations in hospital and it took my DH refusing to let them examine me again for the registrar to agree to a c section. They tried to talk me out of it even after DH finally lost his temper (in a nice way-he's not an angry man really). It was draining.

You can look back through my posts if you like -there's a nice long one from when I was in hospital

I hear you and YANBU

My middle daughter was born in theatre after one more attempt at ventouse (number 4) - she was almost a crash section and suffered damage as a result, I had 64 stitches and lots of pain

DD1 and Dd3 where C sections after prolonged labour - so much was wrong with DD2's birth I wish I had been more assertive and gone for a section after 24 hours and over an hour of pushing

Be gentle with yourself - it's rubbish but it will get better - and your baby wont remember those first hours x

YANBU

I am so sorry you had a bad time but there are risks with every kind of delivery and I am not sure that you are recognising that in feeling that you should have had a c-section..

My first c-section (emergency though I wasn't in labour) caused problems with my abdominal muscles. Second pregnancy (big baby) made the problems worse. I got "repaired" directly after my second (elective) c-section but it didn't work and I still have problems with running and jumping etc despite physio and DC2 now being almost 6 years old. I also have digestive problems due to adhesions/scarring from the sections.

Don't assume that c-sections are the easy option and, btw, I do object a bit to the "just" in your OP title. A c-section is a major abdominal operation...

Have you had a de-brief about the birth and why the decisions were made the way they were? If you haven't, you might find it very helpful in order to help you come to terms with the birth as you are obviously still very upset about it.

By the way, I know what you say about being separated from your baby at birth. I didn't see mine for more than 24 hours and it does affect you when they are little. However, as they get older (my DD is now almost 10), it becomes less and less of a big deal in my experience.

I had a horrific first birth, second stage for 5 hours then theatre and forceps which has left me with a prolapse. I was in agony for weeks and there hasnt been a day since when I have felt normal. I had a section for my second and that was trouble free luckily. I have done a lot of pelvic floor training and everything that I have read and learnt suggests any excersize that can cause strain on the pelvix floor - running, weight lifting etc - should be avoided. There are other ways of exercising that are safer. Personally I would do anything to stop my prolapse getting worse so carrying on running with one seems madness to me. Good luck anyway and hope you feel a little better soon

YANBU I had forceps and epi with ds1 total nightmare I was terrified of giving birth again, ds2 was born 4 weeks ago I had to be induced for reduced movement when they said he was stuck and I could wait I said no and went for the section. Best decision ever though it was scary and sore it was nothing compared to the first time round. The pain was nor manageable and I was out walking with my pram 4 days later.

Wow some of these stories are horrific! for everyone. Thankyou for sharing though because it is helpful to read.

I didn't mean to cause any offense with the word 'just' I didn't mean it like that sorry, I sort of meant just in terms of avoiding what happened but I realise it doesn't read that way, sorry. I know sections are not without risk.

Any one else think that if men had to give birth gets have come up with something better by now?!

(Just to clarify, I don't have a prolapse)

*theyd not gets

(Why does my autocorrect hate me?!)

Abso I wrote 'your' instead of 'you're'. cringe :)

Just because some people's birth stories might sound worse than yours, you're still allowed be upset about what you're dealing with.

Your quality of life is impacted by it and not being able to exercise in the way you like is shit. Be kind to yourself.

I had an emcs for my second (and my first but that's was for undiagnosed breech and I was only 7/8 cms when we went into theatre).
Id pushed for 2 or 3 hours when they took me into theatre to attempt forceps. That wasn't possible so it was a c section. Because I'd had a previous section I thought I knew what to expect. I was wrong. As I'd been pushing he'd got jammed in there somewhere (not the medical word for it obv) and it took them a long time and I lost a lot of blood. By the end there was lots of people in theatre and a fair bit of half-disguised panic.
I couldn't hold my baby for quite a while, I had lost too much blood and needed transfusions etc urgently - I was weak and passed out quite a bit.
It was a horrid recovery and I them developed sepsis which nearly killed me.
And ELCS would have been a nice calm experience I'm told (and that's exactly what I'm having if there's a next one) but whatever they do once a baby is refusing to leave and you're pushing is pretty horrific I tbink.
I'm being treated for PTSD after mine. Physically I'm almost there 22 months later, emotionally I'm still struggling.
Hope you recover OP, a traumatic birth is not something to be shrugged off. Take care of yourself.

I think you are imagining that doing it a different way would have certainly ended better for you. It's not something you can know. It may have done, but it may have been worse. Who knows? All you can do Is make the best decision ar the best you can at the time.
I had an awful section, lots of problems afterwards. My next birth? Vaginaly and I've had worse periods. It's all so unpredictable.

If I knew how utterly traumatic I would find birth, I would have asked for a c-section. I'm actually not having any more kids, partly because of how horrible it was. It really ruined the newborn stage for me.

YANBU - you have had a horrible time of it. I do really wonder why people are so keen for a VB - maybe they don't research so much.

I know some people can just pop them out but I wasn't taking any chances and like you was a keen runner who listened to fellow runners (mums) complaining of leaking etc. Managed to get 2 ELCS and have never regretted my choices - was back out running after 5 weeks both times. Sorry you've had such a shit time.

you had a rough time, and I hope things start improving.
I had an emergency c-section at 31 weeks as DS had stopped growing at 26 weeks and it wasn't picked up on despite my concerns. He was whisked away to intensive care where he stayed for 11 weeks. Whether or not I could hold him on any given day dependeded on which SCBU nurse was on duty - some believed in leaving babies completely still in their incubators while others advocated kangaroo care. SCBU didn't have a breastfeeding councellor either, so for those of us whose babies were born without the sucking reflex, there was nobody to help us with alternatives - breast pumps or latching on. It was horrible, horrible, horrible.

I'm not writing this to say I had a worse experience than you, what I'm saying is your birth sounds like it was the pits. But try not to worry too much about the 1hr 10 mins you and your DD were separated. You've said it's affected you both already, but I'm not sure how? My bit of positivity for you is that I didn't get to spend any time alone with my son for almost 3 months - there was always a doctor, nurse, baby or other parent on the ward, but it hasn't affected how we bonded and I really hope that what happened to you when your DD was born won't affect you both long term. You had a much shittier time than I did when you gave birth, and it will take you a while to recover from that. Hopefully when you're in better shape physically things will start getting better - good luck.

I had a c-sec with DD after getting on 10cm and trying to push. Dd got stuck I had had to be pulled out and resuscitated. She was quite poorly (but not enough for SCBU) after, bruised and cut head etc. My recovery was awful too with infection after infection.

I know quite a few people who had horrendous births both ways so you could have been worse off with c-sec anyway.

Have you tried going to a birth debrief? You can't probably still get one at this point...

Can I just ask those who had sections and run, do you ever have pain in your scar when you run?

I used to love running, and pilates but really struggled after a section, as the scar felt so weird.

Now, 6 years on, I have put on tons of weight and can't ever imagine getting back to running.

I had forceps, episiotomy and third degree year. My recovery was pretty awful. Had issues with number twos for a while but that has largely resolved. I also have keloid scarring at the wound site. I bitterly regret not pushing for a section when it was apparent he wasn't coming out without assistance. The choice wasn't even given to me.
I had a planned section for number two and recovery has been much better. Yes I have keloid scarring at that wound site too ( I am prone to it) but it's cosmetic. more scarring down there is a major no no.
I hate the push for natural deliveries in the nhs. It isnt putting mums first or taking the long term consequences or costs into consideration.
I would definately push for a section for your second if you chose to have one and ignore any midwives that tell you otherwise.
I am a lot better now I would like to add. It does get better honest.

The recovery is no worse than recovering from a tear. If anything, it's easier, because you have a surgical wound in your abdomen and not your fanjo

Not necessarily.

Would most people choose stitches in their abdomen instead of their perineum?

Call me lucky, but after my elective section I didn't need anything stronger than ibuprofen, and I stopped painkillers entirely by day 10. After the third degree tear I still experienced tenderness upon sitting over three months later.

My c section scar is basically invisible (it's been 16 months) and I have no pain or numbness around it. People talk about c sections like they're the worst possible outcome, but mine was an overwhelmingly positive experience. Helped, I guess, by the fact I chose it. I didn't choose to tear more than halfway through my sphincter...

hazeyjane, I've never had a problem with my scar but I really think it depends on who did the c-section. I've heard many people who have had painful scars years on and some who like me don't even know it's there. I hope you can get back to running soon!

I think it's perfectly natural to think 'if only' where a situation hasn't gone how you'd hoped. And I'm sorry you've had such a traumatic time.

But I agree with those who say don't assume cs is the 'easier' option. Firstly, there is a big difference between emcs and elcs. And even between different emcs / elcs.

Fwiw I've had 2 emcs. First was a good recovery (bar scar infection but it wasn't that big a deal) physically but emotionally I was wrecked. Everything had gone so far 'wrong' & I spent ages analysing every possible moment when I could have made a different choice.

The 2nd emcs helped me emotionally / mentally heal from the first. Physically, though, it was awful. We won't be having any more children because dh won't risk getting that close to losing me again. He only admitted that to me recently as we'd always thought we'd have more. I don't actually remember anything from ds's first 2 weeks as I was so out of it.

Every birth is different so it's really impossible to say one or other way is better as there's no predicting long term outcomes for maternal recovery & health.

I had a sort of debrief over the phone because they couldn't find my notes the first time we had arranged one so it was a pointless 10 minute chat where they couldn't answer any of my questions.

Then I didn't have time to arrange another visit because we were moving abroad.

I found it helpful to an extent because there was lots of it I just didn't remember because of all the drugs... But it did feel a bit like the midwife was very quick to defend everything. I do realise that a lot of what happened was just bad luck (the postnatal ward was overflowing whilst we were in for example so we were crammed into a tiny, noisy, chaotic shared ward space... When I was readmitted 5 days later the ward was practically empty, calm and we could have our own private room with ensuite!!)

Im not going to go to deeply into why the separation affected us both for a while (I've mainly made my peace with it now) because lots of the reasons are very personal.... But I appreciate in the grand scheme of things we are both alive and healthy so that's all that matters

I would never ever consent to the use of Kielland's. I might accept forceps for an easy lift out but in general I would much prefer a section.