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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've just called the police for my neighbour

109 replies

MsJamieFraser · 21/09/2016 22:14

Dh coming home from work and sees our neighbour running out her house with him screaming at her, but because she seen dh, she ran straight back in the house, this was 5 ish, neighbour was sobbing her heart out.

All night we have heard raised voices, and loud banging etc... We know they have kids but didn't hear them, so assumed they where out.. However dh didn't want to call the police as so far we only heard their raised voices and loud bangs, until we heard the kids crying hysterically.

She will know it's us, but it was game over once we heard the kids, we know he has a history of depression, however it's been 5 long hours.

OP posts:
LucyBabs · 21/09/2016 23:12

Could you txt her msjamie
Let her know if she needs anything, you're just next door..
Something similar happened next door to me a few months back. It was terrifying at the time
Flowers For you

elephantoverthehill · 21/09/2016 23:13

Um , no, Userrandomnumber it would simply give the message to the Ndn 'I noticed something happened and can I help?'

Justaboy · 21/09/2016 23:13

Well they probably will know that it was the OP who called the police but at least this problem is on their "radar" now and hopefully the SS too for the sake of the poor children to whom this sort of behaviour must be terrifying.

Mynestisfullofempty · 21/09/2016 23:13

OP, are you saying that the police just put him out on the street and left?

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 21/09/2016 23:16

I don't know Mynest, we have a long street, he was walking out and a police officer was with him and the other was slowly driving up the street.

OP posts:
user1473282350 · 21/09/2016 23:23

MASSIVE SPECULATION They may have been going to arrest him but didn't want to do it outside his house where his children would see.

GingerbreadLatteToGo · 21/09/2016 23:25

Do you have her mobile number? If you do i'd text her to say to call if you can help in anyway, at any time. That you don't mnd being woken up (if you don't).

I hope the police take him in, at least overnight.

Benedikte2 · 21/09/2016 23:35

OP the Police are legally bound to inform SS when they are called to an incident where there are children in the house so your neighbour should receive a visit tomorrow from a social worker who will check out the situation, whether the children are safe etc. Incidents such as you describe are regarded as child abuse. Schools/nursery etc may be contacted to monitor the children's welfare etc. Neighbour will be advised about where she can get support etc.
You definitely did the right thing. Neighbours may suspect the call came from you but any of the neighbours within hearing may have called the police.

WorraLiberty · 21/09/2016 23:39

IME (and believe me, in this area I have a lot of experience of shouty, screamy neighbours), the Police tend to calm the situation down and persuade one of the arguing party, to go and stay with someone else, if they have someone to stay with.

It doesn't mean that person was any more or any less to blame than the other one, they just want a peaceful outcome so that they're unlikely to be called back to the property again that night, especially if there are children there.

Sounds like the best solution all round in this case.

velvetspoon · 21/09/2016 23:40

Based on my experience, it's unlikely they'd arrest him. What exactly would he be arrested for? there's been an argument, but unless there's any evidence of violence/ injury, or allegation of the same, police tend to take the 6 of one/ half a dozen of the other approach. At best they've probably suggested he stays away for the night. If he refused, they wouldn't make him leave. Certainly that's what happened to me/ my Ex (even when on occasion there was evidence he had assaulted me).

GabsAlot · 21/09/2016 23:43

there was evience he assaulted you and they didnt arrest him?

thats bloody dangeous

LikeDylanInTheMovies · 21/09/2016 23:44

To those who are berating the op's husband for not wadding in. Frankly I don't blame him. Years ago I used to work in a pub and walking home at midnight I heard an almighty row in a shop doorway. A couple were busy leathering each other. Foolishly I tried to put all 10 stone of me between the bloke and the woman to stop him hitting her. He screamed 'Fuck off' millimetres from my face. She then screamed 'fuck off' and they both turned on me. Luckily I was far fleeter of foot in those days and managed to escape, before they grabbed me. But all I managed to do was inflame the situation and nearly got a pasting for me trouble. Situations like that are best left to the professionals whom I should have called from a phone box a safe distance away.

I'd also be wary about making it known that you called the police to either one of the couple. He may take reprisals if he knows you called the police. But you did the right thing and please do so again if there's similar incidents.

WorraLiberty · 21/09/2016 23:45

That's what I was trying to say velvetspoon, although not (again ime) if there's been evidence of an assault.

But from what the OP has said, there has been an argument between two people here.

Yes the woman was seen sobbing and running back into the house, but that doesn't necessarily mean the man was automatically the aggressor.

The police have obviously assessed the situation and they've been separated, hopefully for the whole night now, so the kids and neighbours don't have to witness any more arguing.

WorraLiberty · 21/09/2016 23:47

He may take reprisals if he knows you called the police. But you did the right thing and please do so again if there's similar incidents.

Or he may be very grateful, who knows?

Again, no-one here (including the OP by the sound of it) knows who is to blame, or why they were arguing.

LisaMed1 · 21/09/2016 23:47

Sending hugs

It's crazy how shaky and unnerved you can be just listening. You did the right thing, especially with kids involved.

I suggest you let things die down and try and speak tomorrow, say you saw the police cars. I strongly suggest that you do not go round if he is there.

JellyBelli · 21/09/2016 23:48

Its not unknown to intervene only for the wife to side with the partner and turn on you. I've had that happen to me.
The right thing to do is call the police and let them deal with it.

AdaLovelacesCat · 21/09/2016 23:53

" If it were me in your position OP I would just put a note through the door offering some support when needed. "

There speaks someone who has never lived on an estate or inner city

Thinkingblonde · 21/09/2016 23:54

I wouldn't call round, it might inflame an already sensitive situation.
You and your DH have done the right thing, however it's best to leave it to the police and any SS involvement for now, She is probably shocked and scared and is licking her wounds as well as trying to calm her children down.

velvetspoon · 21/09/2016 23:56

My experience was 10 or so years ago, I think/ hope the police are better at dealing with dv nowadays. But absent evidence of violence, agree the most likely outcome is they'll encourage one person to leave, but they can't force or order them to do so.

I would call the police in the OPs situation. Actually getting involved, unless I saw someone hurting a child, or thought there was an imminent risk of serious danger to an adult, I'd call the police and let them do their job.

LikeDylanInTheMovies · 21/09/2016 23:58

Fair point Worra I was assuming far too much. Either way I wouldn't be advertising the fact it was me who brought the cops to their door.

TaterTots · 22/09/2016 00:04

I see GoodbyeStranger hasn't been back. Perhaps she's busy reforming the EU or curing famine.

Liiinoo · 22/09/2016 00:14

I agree with PPs. Never intervene in a domestic. You did absolutely the right thing (and a brave thing) in calling the police.

Cocklodger · 22/09/2016 00:21

I was once walking home late at night and saw an argument between two people in town. wasn't all that bothered tbh (assumed maybe they'd been drinking and were rowing about random shite, it happens) suddenly the man grabbed her by the hair, pulled her sideways and dragged her around the ground punching her in the head. I ran over and removed them from each other, put my hand on the womans shoulder and asked if she was alright, did she want a cigarette/some water, did she want me to call someone... I got a punch in the nose, from the woman I'd just risked myself to try to help. If I ever have suspicions of DV going on, or proof, I'll be going to the police.

heyday · 22/09/2016 01:04

I had neighbours who used to row terribly. Lots of screaming and shouting which was so upsetting as they had two little children in the house. I used to listen out as much as possible incase I could hear any physical violence as then I would phone the police. I did hear the guy trying to leave the house to get away from the explosive situation at home but she blocked his exit which totally enraged him and he would really lose it then. If he had been able to remove himself from the argument he may have been able to control his temper but he did resort to some violence (not sure if it was her or the house he was hitting) and then he was taken off by the police which was a bit unfair as I had heard her being verbally and physically violent too. It's always the job of the police to intervene as they have the experience and back up to deal with these sort of problems usually. It can be extremely dangerous for members of the public (including neighbours) to try to intervene.

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 22/09/2016 04:11

The reason I was thinking I should tell her is because she might think it's our other neighbour, it can only be me and one other neighbour, we live in old Victorian terrace houses. Neighbor I called the police for lives in the middle. I'm not now, just feel sorry for our neighbour.

He is definitely the issue, my neighbour has told me about some issues they have been having and alongside his strange behaviour,
I'd say hes the instigator.

I know SS will get involved but I also think I will give the school a call, due to the circumstances, clearly I would like to say more on here, but limited to what I can give out, but there is more to this.

I'm awake because every bloody noise is making me jump, I think dh may turn DV on me as in turn im freighting the shit out of him Grin

OP posts: