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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've just called the police for my neighbour

109 replies

MsJamieFraser · 21/09/2016 22:14

Dh coming home from work and sees our neighbour running out her house with him screaming at her, but because she seen dh, she ran straight back in the house, this was 5 ish, neighbour was sobbing her heart out.

All night we have heard raised voices, and loud banging etc... We know they have kids but didn't hear them, so assumed they where out.. However dh didn't want to call the police as so far we only heard their raised voices and loud bangs, until we heard the kids crying hysterically.

She will know it's us, but it was game over once we heard the kids, we know he has a history of depression, however it's been 5 long hours.

OP posts:
Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 21/09/2016 22:47

Naku you've got to do what you think is best, I know of relationships who thrive on big barmy arguments and some who don't even raise voices to each other, it's hard to differentiate what's right and wrong in these circumstances. Have some Flowers because it's bloody mentally draining.
Police still there, can hear more raised voices.

OP posts:
Finola1step · 21/09/2016 22:47

You have absolutely done the right thing. We could argue on here amongst ourselves over who would have called the police earlier etc etc. But that will do no good.

MJF is the one who listened to what was going on and made the call. Which is a really unpleasant experience. I hope this is a turning point for your NDN. You did a good thing.

ReallyShouldKnowBetterAtMyAge · 21/09/2016 22:47

Naku please call the police every time and try to keep a diary of screaming and storming off times. The neighbours really won't be told and at least the DC and 1 adult in the house will be grateful.

Someone eventually made a call to 1 of my Dcs schools with our address, I'm assuming they didn't want to dial 999, it was the best (and most horrendous),thing to happen for our family.

I'm sorry you are in this position Flowers

WhatTheActualFugg · 21/09/2016 22:49

I called 999 a few weeks ago after seeing a woman standing at the edge of a dual carriageway holding a baby. She was just stood there, right behind the crash barrier, staring in to thin air.

She was on the other side of the carriageway, we had the kids with us and there was no safe place to park and get to her. So I choose to call the police instead.

I have no idea if the police found her or what happened next.

I wish it had just been me and DH, I wish we'd stopped and rescued her and the baby.

But, you know, we can't all be heroes.

You did the right thing OP. Flowers

LouisvilleLlama · 21/09/2016 22:50

Would you have gone and helped goodbye? Her DH saw a minute or two, they could have been arguing and she was upset, which isn't exactly an actionable offence just having a heated row.

And if he's dangerous, why should OPs DH face going into potential danger it's different witnessing something and actively seeking out to enter trouble or potentially worsen the situation.

Nakupenda · 21/09/2016 22:52

If I hear them having a loud and huge argument - do I phone 101 as opposed to 999?

I'm not actually bothered about them knowing it was me who called as we've already had to complain to them about the noise they make, I just worry about seeming like a time waster to the police?!

Nakupenda · 21/09/2016 22:53

OP, sorry for hijacking your post btw. Just always been unsure of what to do!!

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 21/09/2016 22:53

Well the police are escorted him out the street.

OP posts:
WhatTheActualFugg · 21/09/2016 22:54

And in to the Police car I hope!

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 21/09/2016 22:55

I phoned 101, however it said if the incident or crime was happening now, you had to press 1, and it must have took me straight to 999.

OP posts:
pensivepolly · 21/09/2016 22:55

The police will always advise you NEVER to get directly involved in a potential DV situation but to call them (police) instead. You did the right thing OP.

overwhelmed34 · 21/09/2016 22:56

You've done the right thing op. A friend of mine experienced similar, called the police after bangs, thuds and a wailing child. The next morning the father of her ndn came round to ask if they had called the police, and then thanked them for saving his daughter's life.

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 21/09/2016 22:56

Bloody hell Fugg, that's just sent a shiver down my spine, hopefully she was just lost or something. Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 21/09/2016 22:59

No not in the police car, he's walking out the street. It sort of helps that he's been made to leave, now wondering if I should go and see if my neighbour is OK, but also thinking she can now settle her DC

OP posts:
WhatTheActualFugg · 21/09/2016 23:02

I know. I well up just thinking about it. There is no way there could have been any legitimate, normal, healthy reason for her being there.

The 999 sounded suitably alarmed too.

It would have been in the news if she'd jumped in to the road. Which it hasn't.

I suspect the mostly likely scenario is that she left before the police got there. Hopefully someone is helping her.

How are your NDNs now?

user1473282350 · 21/09/2016 23:02

Please do not go around.

It may not be safe, let the police do their jobs.

You really have no idea what has happened apart from the noise / argument.

WhatTheActualFugg · 21/09/2016 23:03

The police have gone?

Hopefully they've correctly assessed them all to be safe and told him to calm himself down.

Justaboy · 21/09/2016 23:03

MsJamieFraser that's a kind thought but perhaps best to leave it till the morning . I suspect the poor woman is in quite enough turmoil perhaps best if she contacts you if she needs to.

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 21/09/2016 23:06

I won't go round, she's just in my thoughts, that's all, she's had all that to endure, and then the police turning up at her door. Hopefully she will be able to rest now.

OP posts:
Memoires · 21/09/2016 23:06

Unless your dh is trained to deal with this sort of situation then he's right not to get involved; he'd probably end up doing more harm than good. Calling the police is exactly the right thing to do. Well done, OP Flowers

elephantoverthehill · 21/09/2016 23:08

If it were me in your position OP I would just put a note through the door offering some support when needed.

user1473282350 · 21/09/2016 23:09

If it were me in your position OP I would just put a note through the door offering some support when needed.

Then they will definitely know it was you who called the police.

user1473282350 · 21/09/2016 23:09

MrsJamieFraser

Great, the family are in mine too.

I think you did the right thing by calling the police, just don't open up yourself to any danger.

Youarenotprepared · 21/09/2016 23:10

I would let her settle the kids. Maybe put a note through saying you hope she is ok and to knock on if she needs someone to talk to? Or see if she ends up coming outside the front door (or back door) for some fresh air and catch her then?

Calling the police is 100% the right thing to do. They are equipped to deal with this stuff far better than any of us. It's also the safest thing to do. There are kids in my DCs school who are without a mum as she intervened in a fight in the street when a man was screaming at a woman and small child. She just reacted as she couldn't bear to just witness it and got between them both trying to act as a barrier and calm him down. She didn't see that he had a knife and she sadly lost her life. I am sure it's not the only story like this.

You can help afterwards but during such explosions of violence the police are 100% the people who need to deal with it.

Youarenotprepared · 21/09/2016 23:12

Then they will definitely know it was you who called the police.

If the police have been on the street for a good while EVERYONE will have seen them regardless. We had police show up across from us a few months back. Everyone on the street saw them but none of us have any clue who called them.

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