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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want dc to stay in a strange house on school trip?

106 replies

franincisco · 21/09/2016 18:11

Can't work out if IABU or not, so wanting opinions here really.

Dc (14) plays a school sport, lots of weekend matches. Came home today, saying he has been asked to go to play in a city 7 hours away. The plan is an overnight trip, staying in a hosts house. We know nothing about the host and that is what concerns me. I am not the "paedophile around every corner" type but I just don't feel comfortable with this, for various reasons. The boys would be staying in pairs. I haven't even received a consent form from the school!

OP posts:
Seekingadvice123 · 21/09/2016 18:44

look OP, if you told the school that you were sending the children on holiday to stay with a random host that none of you had ever met, they would call SS, and that is a fact

Grin Beyond ridiculous. Cant wait to see the proof for this pile of crap
PotteringAlong · 21/09/2016 18:46

It's just a foreign exchange? I did 2 as a teenager and loved them!

Noofly · 21/09/2016 18:46

It wouldn't bother me at all. DS(14) went on a 12 night exchange to Taiwan in May. He stayed with complete strangers and then we had the 14 year old son to stay with us in June.

At least your son will understand the language. Grin Grin Grin

Noofly · 21/09/2016 18:50

Ooops, missed that it is in a different country. Maybe he won't understand them. Grin DS survived just fine, I bet yours will too.

Seeline · 21/09/2016 18:53

It's one night!
Thousands of kids do exchange trips, where they stay on their own with unknown families.
I'm sure his phone will work - make sure he and you install WhatsApp. My DS has been to Germany, Italy and Japan with the school, often in similar circumstances and has always been able to contact me with a standard contract phone.
YABU

blueskyinmarch · 21/09/2016 18:55

Social worker reading this thread here. I say let him go. My DD went on a school language trip to Spain and stayed in a host home. I knew nothing about them at all. It was fine and really good for her Spanish if nothing else. Staying in a hotel or a hostel is much less safe. Oh, and SS are not really bothered about who you send your child to stay with on holiday. Better things to be concerned about than that.

cheeesecheesecheese · 21/09/2016 19:02

No I wouldn't allow it, i'd never send my child to stay with people I don't know. I don't care if it's considered to be the norm

Madamfrog · 21/09/2016 19:03

We don't have such a thing as a certificate in France for families who host exchanges or teams. Or for teachers either. I don't think we have so much hysteria about letting our children go places as there is in the U.K. because our children do regular residential trips with school from 5 or 6 (although at that age they are not with host families but in youth centres or the dorms of schools who have different holiday zones). 14 is quite old and especially if there are two together I don't see a problem.

BarefootCuntessa · 21/09/2016 19:05

We are facing this dilemma ourselves at the moment -just turned 16 year old is meant to be going on a class trip to Europe in a few months .All good until their class teacher told them that they will be staying with host families for the week (one pupil per host family)Also there is a no mobile phone rule for the whole trip .At 16 I would have been more than able for it but she is very 'green' for her age not streetwise at all and very shy.She is very upset about it and refusing to go now -as are most of her year.Part of me wants to tell her to go and expand her horizons a bit but the other part of me is worried sick to be honest. Prepared to be flamed Wink

AdaLovelacesCat · 21/09/2016 19:06

" I don't think we have so much hysteria about letting our children go places as there is in the U.K. "

it is not hysteria so much as well informed panic

LyndaNotLinda · 21/09/2016 19:07

He's 14, he's going to be with a friend and it's one night!

I think you're being totally unreasonable.

AdaLovelacesCat · 21/09/2016 19:08

I mean saying la la la la we French are not as stupide as you Anglais, is just naive.

lostowl · 21/09/2016 19:09

At 14 years old I went on an exchange trip to Germany and stayed in a family of strangers. It was fine. My host father was even called Adolf. Lovely man he was and all.

H0m3made468 · 21/09/2016 19:11

I stayed with a foreign host family for a coupe of days for sporting event when I was about 14

My sporting club arranged everything

My parents took me to the ferry terminal and back

I took a phrase book from the library and attempted to speak the language

No mobile phones, no correspondance

It was interesting and a good opportunity

You are worrying far too much !

Madamfrog · 21/09/2016 19:16

Re hysteria: I think it is hysteria, sorry - because European children go on trips and exchanges all the time, walk or cycle to and from school from about 7, or wait to be picked up at a café after school (which finishes at 4.30 in primary 5 in secondary and 6 in Lycée so it is dark) and nobody I have come across (a wide selection of my many childrens' friends' parents as well as my family) has ever batted an eyelash. Or maybe there really are a lot more perverts in the U.K. than we imagine here.

My 12 year old DD went to Spain for a week last year with school, staying with a family, and had a lovely time, her whole group came back delighted. Her only worry was if her hosts would like the wine she brought as a present for them.

AdaLovelacesCat · 21/09/2016 19:17

" Or maybe there really are a lot more perverts in the U.K. than we imagine here."
Than you imagine - well quite.

Canyouforgiveher · 21/09/2016 19:17

Did you never do exchange trips as a child? Off we'd go and stay in a strange house for a week in a country where we barely spoke the language and certainly didn't know their weird food or customs... and we just get on with it. Except we were only 12.

My husband did that and spent 3 weeks watching the father of the family beat his children very regularly and quite badly. It was quite the experience.

At 14 I'd be more concerned about who was driving than the house. We've hosted visiting athletes of similar age for my son's sports, 2 at a time and they didn't know us from adam.

Lunde · 21/09/2016 19:18

I think the arrangement sounds fine - he will not be alone and at 14 should be capable of staying with a host family for a short period

My own daughter is going on a school trip next week and will be staying with an unknown family in the Palestinian Territory

quasibex · 21/09/2016 19:18

YANBU this wouldn't ever happen for my children.

There is no way in this world that a child of mine would be staying somewhere unknown with persons unknown without me being able to contact them directly until they are an adult and can tell me to do one!

What other parents consent to is their business. OP trust your parental judgement and take it from there.

ExConstance · 21/09/2016 19:20

Just to say Jimmy saville would have passed a DBS check as would Rolf Harris an Stuart Hall before their first convictions.

Vintagegirl1 · 21/09/2016 19:21

You clearly are a paedophile round every corner type op! Of course your ds will be fine,thousands of kids go on these kind of trips every year. In the nicest possible way,you need to get a grip.

tinytemper66 · 21/09/2016 19:27

The school will probably provide further information and a consent form nearer the date. You could also ring the PE dept and ask for more info. I am running a ski trip for 2018 and I have sent a ppt out to some parents who have asked for more info.

Madamfrog · 21/09/2016 19:28

Adalovelace: perhaps I did not express myself clearly, I meant there must be more perverts in the U.K. than we in Europe imagine there are in the U.K.

WannaBe · 21/09/2016 19:29

Yes it is hysteria. He's fourteen not a toddler. At fourteen I went on a choir trip where we were placed with host families in some of the towns we stayed in. We loved it.

Schools do exchange trips every year and hundreds of thousands of children go to and from other countries staying with host families and hosting other children in return.

I find it amazing that there are parents here who would let their fourteen year olds take alcohol to a party, allow them to sleep with their boy/girlfriends on the basis that they're doing it anyway yet are paranoid about the unknown family with similar aged children who may be the next Jimmy Savile? You do realise that at fourteen your child probably already goes to houses of people you've never met?

"look OP, if you told the school that you were sending the children on holiday to stay with a random host that none of you had ever met, they would call SS, and that is a fact." pmsl. No they really, really wouldn't. but keep scaremongering why don't you....

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 21/09/2016 19:42

If they're staying in pairs I wouldn't be concerned not at 14.

At that age I went on a 3 week exchange trip to France, having never been abroad before. And we weren't in pairs - we were thrown in the French deep end on our own.