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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that 5 guys making inappropriate advances in 18 months is 'normal'?

56 replies

itstimeforchange · 20/09/2016 23:10

Please tell me I am!

I am married with 3 kids. Spent most of my married life having/bringing up the kids. Didn't get out that much except for a few freelance work events.

18 months ago I joined a club, and a year ago I started working regularly. Since that time no fewer than FIVE men who have got to know me through these avenues have either tried to bed me, proclaimed their undying love for me, or tried to kiss me. They all knew I was married etc.

(I will say now that I'm absolutely nothing special physically, slightly overweight, a bit short, etc... I'm definitely not boasting here, but instead just wondering whether I have just been rather 'hopefully naive' about the regularity some people are willing to have affairs. Confused Despite knowing of course that they must happen all the time...)

OP posts:
AndShesGone · 20/09/2016 23:13

Whenever I go out with my sister in law this happens to me. And I'm older, much heavier, and likely uglier than you.

I think a lot of men will try and get off with anyone, sort of a scatter gun approach. In the hope they land one at some point. Hmm

WorraLiberty · 20/09/2016 23:20

I'm also married with 3 kids, fairly attractive-ish (imo), not overweight but no, it's not been my experience at all, so I wouldn't say it's 'normal'.

Having said that, I apparently have a 'don't fuck with me' air about me, according to my friends Grin

WorraLiberty · 20/09/2016 23:22

But what does 'proclaimed their undying love' actually mean?

They've actually told you they've fallen in love with you?

WalkingBlind · 20/09/2016 23:22

I think a lot of men will try and get off with anyone, sort of a scatter gun approach. In the hope they land one at some point.

This is true, I've heard many of them admit it. On a night out loads go round asking for phone numbers/sleepovers and just use the fact that out of 20 girls asked at least 1 might say yes.

I can go on a night out, say I'm a mother of 2 in a long term relationship and still get roughly 10 men trying it on after being told that. It even happened when I had a great big pregnancy bump Shock

Mitfordhons · 20/09/2016 23:28

No it's not normal, you must have a special amazing aura that they all flock to. Is that what you wanted us to say? self esteem a bit low today?

WorraLiberty · 20/09/2016 23:32

WalkingBlind I think nights out in pubs/clubs can be a completely different matter IME.

Some places are like a meat market and a lot of married men and women, can come across as complete desperate sleaze balls.

Original poster
itstimeforchange · 20/09/2016 23:34

worry one of them more or less has, yes. Without directly quoting his most recent text, he wants to be with me all the time, wants to hold me forever, doesn't just want my body but ME as well, etc etc. I've known him a bit longer than the others actually but it happened to coincide. He works at the local shop and our kids are at the same school.

Re. the other comments, I don't even go out really -- almost all of this has been at work or at this club (which to be clear was a jazz band I joined for fun. Not a clubbing/dancing/night out kind of club!)

OP posts:
KatieScarlett · 20/09/2016 23:35

Me too Worra
Apparently I am scary
(shrug)

Original poster
itstimeforchange · 20/09/2016 23:35

Mitford there's always one... Hmm

OP posts:
WalkingBlind · 20/09/2016 23:48

Oh I got club and club mixed up I think lol. Although I still think it's unfortunately normal for people to be this sleezy. I get it less when not on a night out but it still happens and they usually get angry when rejected

hefzi · 20/09/2016 23:49

Mitford I'm obese, middle-aged and seriously frumpy - and I don't go to bars/clubs/pubs. Doesn't stop the pervery though - and like OP, I think it has more to do with the chaps than it does with me.

There are certain professions (though not, ironically, my own) I wouldn't trust a man as far as I could through him - based on 25+ years of experience.

hefzi · 20/09/2016 23:49

throw ffs, throw!

RonaldMcDonald · 21/09/2016 00:57

I think the love stuff is weird but the passes and crushes are normal and nothing to be worried about I think - just be stern and no nonsense

I find men - and certain types are worse, make all sorts of inappropriate passes. I often wonder if they would have any idea what to do if one agreed.
I sometimes think it is a frisson thing but that might be my trying to put a kind spin on it.
Or they are dicks

TinklyLittleLaugh · 21/09/2016 01:08

Hmm, I'm 50+ and no beauty. Happily shacked up for the last 30 years and work at home.

I decided to get out more and joined a club. And yes the men are really flirty and I was quite taken aback. (Though no one has declared undying love.) It's honestly made me think that the people who can't find someone must either be very very picky or not trying very hard: everyone seems to be up for it these days.

FairyDogMother11 · 21/09/2016 01:14

I used to get hit on a lot but since I started working in a pub I've become accustomed to batting off advances and have now perfected "the look" which means only the drunkest of people attempt to chat me up now. Grin

Bogeyface · 21/09/2016 01:38

My personal favourite is one that happened years ago in my first marriage.

Man starts to chat me up. I say I am not interested. He wants to know why not. I dont say that he is a creepy wanker but that I am in fact happily married (well half right, I was married). His reply?

"I dont mind"

"Oh well thats alright then!! And there was me fretting that you, an overweight sweaty creepy bloke in his 40's wouldnt want to have sex with me, a (then!) slim pretty woman in her mid 20's because of my wedding ring! Now I know different, please lead me to your cock!" is what I didnt say. I cant remember what I did say but it would have something polite and non offensive because I hadnt learned what I know now about twats like him and how to tell them to FUCK OFF in capitals!

FFS!

BTW, nothing against people in their 40's, I now am one! But at the time I was about 25 and didnt appreciate just how pretty I was back then and not interested in a man almost twice my age!

Bogeyface · 21/09/2016 01:39

:o Fairy working in a pub helped me too! I think every young woman should work in one for 6 months, it would halve sexual harrasment cases at a stroke!

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 21/09/2016 01:40

I've yet to meet a bloke who cares about a woman's weight.

'More cushion for the pushing.' I believe they say.

Overweight women also tend to have quite impressive and eye-catching tits.

sykadelic · 21/09/2016 02:46

Nope not at all. I can't say someone doesn't have a crush on me or hasn't, but I can tell you that there's no doubt when talking to me that I love my husband and an affair would never happen.

TwigletsMakeMeViolent · 21/09/2016 03:16

KingJoffrey you have such a way with words!

KickAssAngel · 21/09/2016 03:46

I've been married 24 years and never had in inappropriate advance. And I know I've worked with some right sleazes who tried it on with everyone at work - except me!

I am actually quite glad for that. Not sure if I appear to be hopelessly in love with DH, too scary to approach, or way out of their league. Maybe all 3 (in my head).

Original poster
itstimeforchange · 21/09/2016 08:42

fairy There are definitely advantages of working in a pub! Alas, I never have... I'm superb at putting off leery strangers, but it's people I get to know, and like, that I struggle with, especially if I see them regularly and need to maintain a good working relationship. I'm just too nice to them. I clearly need to be firm from the start!

Bogey I know, right?! Grin

Kingjoffrey I guess what I was saying was not really about being slightly overweight but more confirming that I'm not some sultry stunner that walks in a room and all the blokes are agog Grin

OP posts:
Mittensonastring · 21/09/2016 09:00

In the last 18 months I have been asked for my number, overheard 3 male friends by accident discussing me and two of them saying how they would do me. One was saying dont talk about her like that, this guy is great and one of my best mates ever. Also had 3 incidents of being called MILF when out in a bar and also called Stiflers Mom.

It's happened all my life and I have been told that I have a naughty face, come to bed eyes and that kind of stuff.I do have a naturally turned up mouth and look very approachable.

I'm 50 but do look a lot younger.

TheNaze73 · 21/09/2016 09:04

walkingblind is right about the scattergun approach. Players like that will smarm over 20-30 women in an evening & 1 will inevitably fall for it

Zaphodsotherhead · 21/09/2016 09:07

Please, tell me where all these men are...every man I've ever had (including ones that have married me) I have practically had to hypnotise to get to ask me out. I was always the one minding the handbags at discos and the one that got asked 'what's your friend's name?' when out with others.

I have had a very full and interesting love life, but then I'm pretty good at hypnotism.

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