Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Help. SS wants to assess my husband

114 replies

user1474401567 · 20/09/2016 21:10

Hi everyone hoping I could get some advice. My husband has to be assessed by the sw. He suffers from PTSD and have struggled since leaving the forces. There has also been dv as well which he got convicted for. I watched the man who was so great spiral out of control and I feel he has been let down by mental health services. He is a great dad to our daughter and has never done anything to harm her. Since the incident he has been given proper meds for his condition and seen by mh services. I want to resume my relationship with him but the sw said that she wants to see him and may need to assess him. Will they stop us being together? Or take our daughter away from us? Or will they offer help?

OP posts:

booklooker · 21/09/2016 19:05

If I had been violent enough to have a conviction for it, I'd stay away from my loved ones for quite a long time until I was absolutely sure I was no danger to them.

How the hell do you know what the OP's DH went through?

How the hell do you really know how you would react after being through HIS trauma

SealSong · 21/09/2016 19:15

Good post from Yorkshapudding.

pugsake · 21/09/2016 19:24

My ex likes to report me and DH too social at least every month. It's a pain in the Arse, I'd rather be seen all the time then them miss another child mind.

I'll just point out I have PTSD and a whole heap of fun mental health issues. I would never assault DH or my children. Likewise if he hit me issues or not he would be out.

I agree with everything yorksha has said.

HattiesBackpack · 21/09/2016 19:29

Hi OP, I think you should get this thread taken down, and give Ssafa a ring (0800 731 4880), or get in touch with AFF, and have a chat through with them, you sound like you are reaching out for some support, I think maybe a forces network would be best for you at the moment.

MephistoMarley · 21/09/2016 19:34

Why do people keep suggesting she gets the tread pulled? She has advice here from mental health workers and social workers, as well as people with knowledge of the forces. Why should the thread be deleted?

FlyingElbows · 21/09/2016 19:42

There is difference between support and just agreeing with someone. There is very good and helpful advice here which could very well benefit someone who is reading and not contributing.

FruitCider · 21/09/2016 19:50

Yorksha I'm so glad you commented. I had the same thoughts as you but couldn't bring myself to write them down.

IzzyIsBusy · 21/09/2016 19:57

The fact that a conviction was secured against him also means that he was deemed to be medically responsible for his actions at the time of the assault.

Bullshit.
You cannot say that as you have no idea.
I know of ex forces that have had heavy handed sentances handed to them simply because they were soldiers. They are seen by judges as weapons despite the crime commited.
That is not an excuse for his violence by the way but you cannot spout shit like that when you have no idea.

Starlight234 · 21/09/2016 20:31

Izzy.... We know very little as I have said before...He was convicted of a crime, it was deemed serious enough for SS to be involved to OP could tell them she wanted to restart the relationship.

The purpose of the assessment is to ensure the child is safe. Is the fact simply because he has been in the army mean child does not deserve to be safe from abuse.

I am so confused why post should be removed. I see it as helpful for OP and any one else in a similar situation.

Of course any other points for support for OP are also useful.. She can read these on the forum

Doggity · 21/09/2016 21:03

The minimising on here from some people is uncomfortable. As Yorksha so eloquently said, most people with PTSD are not violent. The OP has been a victim and she may be suffered from trauma as a result. Suffering from trauma does not even begin to explain his behaviour because very, very few people with PTSD are violent. Perhaps he's just abusive? Of course he needs help but so does the OP and her daughter deserves better than a father who's assault lead to a conviction. Children come first, always including before excuses about the trauma an adult has been through.

Doggity · 21/09/2016 21:04

Where I said "excuse his behaviour", I meant explain.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 21/09/2016 21:14

I think the advice upthread to get on to SSAFA for support is a very good idea.

Also get in to the veterans MH services (based St Thomas London, but also regional centres). SSAFA caseworkers should be able to get you the contact info so your GP can refer him.

Please do this.

There are also charities that specifically deal with forces PTSD. Rock2Recovery is one.

Sorry I can't link as on phone but twitter is @Rock2Recovery where all the details are.

Please co-operate with SS. They are there to help.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 21/09/2016 21:15

Sorry. Bold fail

MrsLupo · 21/09/2016 22:32

Just to correct some information given upthread, the Baird Clinic programme at St Thomas's in London has been closed and is now part of wider forces' mental health provision at Chilwell in Nottinghamshire. Here is some further info. OP, your GP could make a referral potentially.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5