Waiting to 6pm and no later for dinner together

[LovelyBath77]

My husband is self-employed. He gets a bit huffy as he likes us all to eat together, but I say we usually wait till 6pm is and go ahead with the children's dinner as they get a bit hungry by then. I usually have something with them.

AIBU?

I don't think it matters what other people do, in this country, other European countries or Inner Mongolia. Different lives and different routines, there is no superior time. As an aside I've been into too many fast food and chain restaurant joints in other European countries between 6 and 7 to find them stuffed with families ;)

Our family meal times have changed many times over the years depending on how our days are structured.

What is your husband aiming for? What time would he like to eat? Is he happy with a set time or is he expecting it to be fluid everyday to fit in with him? Or somewhere in between?

If 6.30 is a better time then maybe you could do something like sit the kids down at 6.15 to give them a starter of carrot sticks, salad, or corn on the cob type bits. Whilst getting the rest ready. In this house there is always a big bowl of chopped salad on the go in the fridge. My teens come in starving and they get pointed in the right direction.

He could always eat and then go back to work? I often used to do this when I worked at home. I would prep food, work, feed us, go back and finish a report or fire off some emails for the next morning.

If he's expecting everyone to hang around waiting for him to finish at 8pm he's just going to have to put up with eating alone, if everyone else is hungry earlier.

Who cares what the rest of Europe do or South America or fucking Outer Mongolia do or for that matter your next door neighbour!!!!

You go what suits your family and the ages/work commitments and life style of your family.

There's no merit in eating early or late. Who gives a flying fuck!

bibbity you seem to have missed the part where I said to us it is a reasonable time to eat. At the same time you will eat at what works as a reasonable time for your family.

Wow.

We both work full time and rarely get home before 7 so when the children were small the nanny did tea and we put them to bed then had supper together after. Nowadays the children tend to have fruit or Nutella or whatever after school, then they have a couple of hours to do homework/music practice etc. And we all eat as a family at 8ish.

I tend to think of time after supper as "winding down time" so would struggle to eat at 6. Each to their own tho, I can see the benefits of eating early if you have a different routine.

In relation to the OP I don't think the husband is being unreasonable asking you to wait an hour to eat together. I would feel like I was being excluded and unappreciated having to eat sad, reheated food alone whilst my family had a nice supper together. I don't understand this idea that children can't be expected to wait for food or that everything should revolve around the children. The snacking culture here is out of control crazy as well but that's another thread in itself!

Wow what?

You said you didn't understand the "hostility" towards the early eaters. I explained my slight hostility (although that's not the right word, it would be more like frustration/impatience with) some early eaters earlier in the thread. Nothing to do with your post at all! I didn't miss anything.

It is not a 'class' thing in our household, it's a heritage thing, my grandmother was Swedish and passed on early dinner rituals to my Mother and now I am a Mother and do most of the cooking, I tend to get the main meal of the day ready for 6ish. I appreciate that's because I have the time to do that. My Mum would do the same so that evenings were available to do things like 'writing' or music practice.

That said, pre children when a commuted to London for 1.5 hrs each way, I would eat with my DH about 9pm. I wouldn't say we really 'cooked' though. It was either something put together like salad and fish or something warmed up.

6pm - 6.30pm was always dinner time in our house. If you weren't back by 6, it would be plated up and waiting until you microwaved it later.

When I moved in with DH, he was baffled at my "late" dinners because they ate at 5.30pm, as soon as his dad got home from work!

In France it is totally inbuilt into every child's day that they have a "gouter" at 4pm. There is no precise translation for this in English, it's basically a substantial snack, often some combo of yogurt, compote, fruit, biscuits and juice. Mcdonalds even do "gouter" birthday parties!

This is probably because kids eat around 7.30 in the evening so it is to keep them going.

And they dont have siestas or warmer nights or anything.

Anyway, just sharing info, not saying OP has to do same, but the snack idea is a possibility if theu want to eat together as a family a bit later.

Is this a north / south divide thing? I grew up in Liverpool where 'tea' was at 5.30pm but now live in London where we have family dinner between 7 and 8.30pm depending on how it's going. 2 children at secondary and one in juniors. If it all going horrendously wrong / late I will sort something for kids and us eat later.

Is this a north / south divide thing?

Don't think so, I think it's a "what are your working patterns and commute" thing.

I live in a major Northern city and nobody I know would eat before 7pm usually. But then my friends and family work long hours and often have lengthy commutes. If we were SAHPs it might be very different.

Same here Paulat2112.. my DDs are 9,7 and 5. there no way they could hold out until 6pm to eat as a usual time ( I know on occasions things happen and get in the way). I get eating together as a family is important but sorry DH, as you are not home between 4,30-5pm the latest the DDs come first and will be fed to avoid cannibalism...oh and tears of course.

This gives DH "quality" bedtime reading time with DDs as they have usually showered & PJ's on for 7pm.

I usually feed DDs and then eat later with DH in the week and on a Friday (DH finishes work lunchtime) and weekends we have our meals together as a family.

Looking at some of these posts I never realised there was such a variation for meals. We have breakfast at 7am, lunch at 12pm and dinner at 5pm. Saying that ds had just started school and we have a new dd so it's all out the window. I think it's nice to have a general time but allow the day to guide you to a more suitable time.

I usually eat by 6pm. Kids when younger, likewise. I hate eating late in the evening. Feels like a food baby in my belly when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep.

Maybe a class thing?

Traditionally workers often started early, hard physical labour and were home by 4.30, hungry. So dinner was early and often called tea,

Whereas middle class people traditionally had a later meal - dinner.

Tea as the evening meal[edit]
Tea (also known as high tea or meat tea) is one name for the evening meal. It is associated with the working class and is typically eaten between 5 pm and 7 pm. In the North of England, North and South Wales, the English Midlands, Scotland and in rural and working class areas of Ireland, people traditionally call their midday meal dinner and their evening meal tea (served around 6 pm), whereas the upper social classes would call the midday meal lunch or luncheon and the evening meal (served after 7 pm) dinner (if formal) or supper (often eaten later in the evening).[9] This differentiation in usage is one of the classic social markers of British English

We eat when we are hungry and dinner can either be non-existent, if no one fancies it, simple if no one fancies much, staggered if people are in various places or late back, immediate if people are famished or delayed if they aren't but become so.

In real terms this means sometimes there is a meal in the morning, afternoon, or evening, for one or two or all the family, sometimes it is substantial and sometimes snacky. The time on the clock has pretty much zero bearing on what's on the menu.

I don't usually eat three times a day, for me it's more usually once or twice. If I ate out at lunchtime I won't want any dinner, if I don't manage breakfast or lunch I'll often want an earlier, larger meal. Kids obviously are the same but on a faster metabolism.

Just eat when you're hungry.

my kids are 5(ish) and nearly 8 and we have tea at about 7.30-8pm, dont do bath everynight and they are in bed and straight to sleep between 9-10 depening on how tired they are, or not. up at 7am

6pm is way too early for us, on tge odd occasion we go out for a meal early, say 6ish, no ones that hungry and i dont know why but i feel dreadful for eating too early

i feel dreadful for eating too early

How strange.

how strange that you find it strange

In the grand scheme of things why on earth would you feel " dreadful" for eating earlier.

I may feel dreadful if I blurted out someone's confidence, for pranging a car that I had borrowed, for forgetting to pass on a vital message.

But feeling dreadful for eating early?

Are you afraid the mealtime police may find out?

...I think she meant dreadful in the "not feeling well" sense, rather than meaning she was riddled with angst. I agree the latter would be interesting!

6pm is quite late enough. Even if you work it's doable if you're organised.

What a ridiculous statement - are you assuming everyone finishes work at 4.30pm, lives near their work place and can get a meal ready for 6pm?

yes i meant not feeling great, clearly im not arsed about mealtime police, or bedtime police

id normally say i feel shit but ive already let it slip im a common bastard by calling it "tea" so thought dreadful sounded a bit classier