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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Waiting to 6pm and no later for dinner together

377 replies

LovelyBath77 · 20/09/2016 18:57

My husband is self-employed. He gets a bit huffy as he likes us all to eat together, but I say we usually wait till 6pm is and go ahead with the children's dinner as they get a bit hungry by then. I usually have something with them.

AIBU?

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 22/09/2016 21:44

It's more important for my kids to have an adult eat with them than my OH.

I would still sit with my kids while they ate, though, if you see what I mean. I'll just have a cup of tea or something with them rather than my main meal.

user1471552005 · 22/09/2016 21:48

But who wants a messy kitchen in the late evening?
I can feed myself and the kids early, have everything squared away and a plateful for OH to heat up when he gets in. So one plate to clean then relax.

ShtoppenDerFloppen · 22/09/2016 21:54

I can't say from one day to the next what a "suitable" time is. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, we eat early (5-5:30), as they are gymnastics, dance and hockey. Thursday, closer to 7. Friday, the DCs have pizza and DH and I go out. Saturday is 6ish, Sunday is later because of another sport (curling). Late meals have an afternoon snack so no one is starving.

I think that ithe is silly to compare one family to the next - but a bit of flexibility helps everyone...

2rebecca · 22/09/2016 21:56

It isn't necessarily the husband who is the main earner these days Natalia so I think you are the one stuck in the 1950s.
I earn more than my husband and often am later home than him if working on an afternoon. He rarely chooses to eat without me.
My brother is a house husband and does most of the kid stuff. He always eats with his wife and usually tries to arrange things so his wife can eat with at least one of the kids even if the youngest gets fed earlier.
Eating by yourself is miserable. If you love someone why would you choose to make them miserable?

2rebecca · 22/09/2016 22:02

Sorry user lots of numbers not Natalia

user1471552005 · 22/09/2016 22:02

floppen- like our house too.

Dd has to be at dance lesson 4 nights a week by 5.30pm and not back until 9pm- she needs to eat beforehand. OH is gone on work trips most weeks for at least two nights. Saturdays I work, so it's a takeaway, but OH is often on call and working from home with a second's notice so we just help ourselves and eat when we like. Sundays DS and DD is often out with friends and eats out . we cook a meal together, but our schedules are so variable and everyone is so busy that it's hard to tie everyone down.
The last time we ate as a family around the table was christmas dinner last year.

user1471552005 · 22/09/2016 22:05

Eating by yourself is miserable.

That's a matter of opinion.

OH feels relaxed eating alone. He prefers to eat in his way at a time of his choosing after a stressful day at work. I usually eat with my kids, which I enjoy, but when I do eat alone I always love it.

2rebecca · 22/09/2016 22:07

I also don't see why leaving 2 platefuls of food to be eaten when your spouse gets home is that much more arduous than one if you want to prepare dinner in advance.
My husband usually does the dishes with the dishwasher anyway.

user1471552005 · 22/09/2016 22:11

Not the way things work in our house 2rebecca.

My Oh would think I had flipped if I made two plates of food so we could have "couple time" having a meal on a weekday evening.
It's not what he wants to eat when he gets back from work.

user1471552005 · 22/09/2016 22:14

I really don't see eating together as a requirement for a happy home life. It can be pleasant when it happens, but not essential.
There are many other ways of communicating and supporting each other as a family without ritualising mastication.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 22/09/2016 22:17

A lot of people have explained why they prefer to do it differently to you userstillhaven'tchangedyournameyetdespitepostingallovertheplaceforthepastmonthorso2005. Do you need to have the last word?

Igotboredofmyotherusername · 22/09/2016 22:23

The last time we ate as a family around the table was christmas dinner last year.

Wow, sounds great Hmm

PickAChew · 22/09/2016 22:28

Late to the thread, but 6 isn't early at all. Mine are in double figures, now and i can sh them to 6:30, at the latest, but I've noticed that, now they're back at school, they're ready to bite chunks out of each other by about 5:30! HANGRY!!! (And DH, who gets home about 5pm, on average, isn't much better. I was ready to shut the kitchen door on the 3 of them and quietly slip out the back, this afternoon, only I was hungry, myself!)

LightTheLampNotTheRat · 22/09/2016 22:30

Laughing at mycrane - '6pm is quite late enough'. Funny! If you finish work at 5.15pm an hour away from home, 6pm dinner isn't happening! Snack for kids after school. Dinner together when both DH and I get home. (Unless one of us is going to be late - much after 8pm - in which case the at-home parent will go ahead.) It isn't simply a question of superior organisational abilities. (And rushing to eat is a tiny bit uncivilised - we like to relax a little over dinner.)

user1471552005 · 22/09/2016 22:41

Igotboredofmyotherusername

I grew up in cramped council accommodation- we didn't even have a dining table, this idea that everyone has a large family table to sit around is just not reality for many families.
When my kids were young we had very little money- and again- no dining table. The kitchen was 6 foot by 4 foot.
Playing happy families sitting round a table is not within everyone's grasp.

I have learned how to have a happy communicative home life without the need for dinner at the table.
Even now and although I have a much bigger home with a large dining table I don't feel it is a necessary thing to do.

Artandco · 22/09/2016 22:46

Mycrane - please do tell me how to be organised enough that I can walk though my door at 7pm, yet have already sat down to eat at 6pm?

LightTheLampNotTheRat · 22/09/2016 22:47

Eating together tho doesn't have to be at a big table. Tonight DD (age 13) and I had dinner at about 7.30pm on sofa watching GBBO on catch-up. DH came in at about 8.15 and joined us - risotto still hot. That counts as family dinner to me.

Runningupthathill82 · 22/09/2016 22:50

6pm is quite late enough. Even if you work it's doable if you're organised

Oooh brilliant! Could you tell me how? I'm usually out from 7am til 6.15pm, so please tell me how I can be more "organised" and eat at 6pm.

I already do all the washing/ dishwasher/ packed lunches in the morning, after my 5.45am get up. So I'm not sure I could also put something in the slow cooker as well - on top of getting me and two kids under 3 ready for the day. Do explain how I could be more organised!

Igotboredofmyotherusername · 22/09/2016 22:55

user1471552005 yeah, I grew up in a council house too, so I don't really see how that's relevant . There's plenty of evidence that eating family style is good for everyone.

Igotboredofmyotherusername · 22/09/2016 22:57

If you're eating at 6, you aren't eating anything very interesting. And no, if you finish work at 5.30 or later you aren't eating at 6 unless your dinner goes ping.

LightTheLampNotTheRat · 22/09/2016 23:03

I got bored - I'm with you!

Gwenhwyfar · 22/09/2016 23:04

" if you finish work at 5.30 or later you aren't eating at 6 unless your dinner goes ping."

You could be eating a salad or any number of things that can be prepared quickly without being done in a microwave.

user1471552005 · 22/09/2016 23:05

Igotboredofmyotherusername-that's not just me- there are loads of us with similar usernames since the log in fiasco.

MrsKoala · 22/09/2016 23:08

DH finishes work at 6.30 and has an hour and 20 min commute. No matter how organised he was he couldn't eat dinner at 6. 8pm on a good day is the earliest we could eat.

I have never had a job with under an hour commute or that finishes before 5.30pm and neither has anyone I know who has office based jobs. So the choice is eat with dc if you are a sahp or eat with you dp when they get home. Or feed your dc at 8pm of course. I choose to eat with dh because,as I said before, the food we eat is different and tbh I find eating with my children miserable.

Soon dh will be changing hours tho to finish at 7.30 which means 9pm dinners at the earliest. So I think I will eat alone at 8 and he will eat alone at 9. :(

2rebecca · 22/09/2016 23:14

For working parents slow cookers can be wonderful