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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Waiting to 6pm and no later for dinner together

377 replies

LovelyBath77 · 20/09/2016 18:57

My husband is self-employed. He gets a bit huffy as he likes us all to eat together, but I say we usually wait till 6pm is and go ahead with the children's dinner as they get a bit hungry by then. I usually have something with them.

AIBU?

OP posts:
user1471552005 · 22/09/2016 07:39

Kids don't eat breakfast and don't have much for lunch at school. I will have a light lunch too so I am ready for a bog meal at 4.30 pm.
I have a quick turnaround early evening, DD usually out of the house be 5.30 again and not back till 9pm ( dancing 4 nights a week)

Artandco · 22/09/2016 07:42

Ah see mine have a three course meal at school for lunch (soup, main, desert), hence they are good until later

Ragwort · 22/09/2016 08:01

I agree with whoever said that they don't have a 'set' time for the evening meal - I can't imagine having such a strict routine that you are always able to eat at the same time - and to eat 'an evening meal' before 6.30pm would be ridiculously early for me. I used to have a friend who would do a full roast for 4.30pm - I know it sounds stupid but I just couldn't eat that sort of meal at 4.30pm Grin.

The days I work I never get home until 6.15ish and I would hate to cook and eat straight away; my DH is also self employed and works long hours - he can't dictate to his customers what time he has to be home for dinner Hmm. Our DS has all sorts of after school clubs and commitments - as do DH and I so there is never a 'routine'. Out of choice I would eat dinner at 7pm but we usually end up eating later.

When DS was much younger he would eat early and I would eat later with my DH - I think its pretty miserable to come home after a long day at work to a warmed up meal on your own. And that relates to whichever adult is working outside the home.

dustarr73 · 22/09/2016 12:39

Im a sahm and as i said earlier my kids dont get a school dinner.They do be starving coming in at 2.30.So dinner is then and then tea is about 5/6.Then bed for 8.
Dp is in at 5,we did try that he eats later and has a sandwich when he comes in,but it didnt work in our case.

Ontopofthesunset · 22/09/2016 14:49

It just shows that everyone has such different timetables. Eating at 4.30 wouldn't be possible for us for so many reasons. My kids aren't even home from school till 5 and later if they have after school activities. And eating at 4.30 means starting cooking, typically, at about 3.30 which is just after lunch even if anyone was home. I've just had lunch now because I've been in a meeting until now. I think typically people who work in big cities, particularly London, will tend to eat later because of commuting times. If you don't get home till 6.30, you won't necessarily want to start cooking straightaway so probably won't end up eating till 8.

Kc1009 · 22/09/2016 18:26

My children are 3 and 4. And we eat at 17:00 in the evening lastest 17:30. Unless we are waiting for take away but that's normally a Saturday evening. My husband starts work at 4:30am and home by 15:00. Then my girls are in bed at 19:00. For us that works. I don't think going to bed on a full stomach is a good idea. But everyone is different and and their lifestyles are not the same as others. When I go back to work it may change.

wineandtoastfortea · 22/09/2016 19:21

Kids (6&2) around 5pm. I wait to eat with DH around 7.30pm once kids in bed.

greathat · 22/09/2016 20:09

I aim for 6. By the time I've got in from work and cooked it tends to be half past/quarter to 7. I aim for a 7.30-8 bedtime for my 3 and 7 year old. Hubby is frequently later I leave his to keep warm in the oven

gemma19846 · 22/09/2016 20:39

Im really suprised that people dont give their kids tea until gone 6/7pm? They eat at 12 at school then nothing for 7 hours? Id be starving if i didnt eat for 7 hours never mind children. The kids have tea at 4.30pm then a small supper before bed at around 7. What time do your kids to go bed if they are not having tea til 7pm?

gemma19846 · 22/09/2016 20:45

Sorry ive just read some comments and realise most people work 9 til 5 hours so dont get home til late. Me and my partner have never worked 9 til 5 jobs although we both do work and work around the kids school runs etc so one of us is always home to collect them from school thats why they eat at 4.30 x

StripeyMonkey1 · 22/09/2016 20:50

For kids of 7 and 11 I would either give diner at 5-6pm after school, or I'd give a snack at 5pm and then do dinner for 7pm. This works well for my kids.

Smaller kids (3 year olds mentioned on thread) obviously may need to eat earlier but by 7 children can be more flexible (but I'd still offer a snack).

user1471552005 · 22/09/2016 20:52

I think the main point here is not the actual time the kids are eating, but the fact that the OPs Oh is getting "huffy".

If my OH got in first and the kids were hungry I would be more than happy if he took the initiative and fed them..
That would make my life a lot easier when I got in from work, having some time to relax, kick off my shoes, maybe have a shower, without feeling I had to eat immediately.

Why is this man behaving like a huffy 4 year old boy? The OP is doing this guy a favour by feeding their hungry kids without any help from him.
I would be showing him where the pot noodles are kept if he tried that stunt with me.

dementedpixie · 22/09/2016 20:52

I fed my 2 just before 6pm tonight and ds asked why they were eating so early as he wasn't hungry yet! All he'd had after school was a bag of crisps so wasn't stuffed full of anything else

user1471552005 · 22/09/2016 21:04

dementedpixie- I think many of us are in agreement here.
We all tend to feed our kids an evening meal at a time when they are hungry.

Not at at time dictated by some guy who wants to play happy families.

2rebecca · 22/09/2016 21:25

I think eating by yourself every evening, especially when you are the one financially supporting the family would be depressing. That's why he's huffy.
Have some empathy ffs. The kids could eat earlier but I think it's sad his wife cares so little for him that she won't have a sandwich earlier and eat with him.

ilovechocolate07 · 22/09/2016 21:28

6 seems late to me. I have a 7 and 9 year old. I aim to give them dinner at 5.

Flatoutnautilus · 22/09/2016 21:31

Reading these is making me weep envious tears Grin
Children eat at 6:00 in our house. We eat when partner manages to get home from work which means supper is eaten from
between 8:30 (almost unheard of) through to 10:00 and onwards.
How nice to be able to all sit down as a family midweek even if it's 6 or 7.
Smile

StripeyMonkey1 · 22/09/2016 21:33

I think maybe the issue is that you see dinner for the kids as a chore - you have to do it after all - and want to get it out of the way so you can relax.

Your husband, on the other hand, sees dinner as his chance to relax and catch up with the kids.

If he wants to have dinner with the kids later some sort of compromise is needed. Maybe you cook/serve food later (a compromise for you) and he then clears up after (compromise for him)? Would he do that (and in a way that doesn't need any chivvying from you and to a decent standard)?

user1471552005 · 22/09/2016 21:33

I think eating by yourself every evening, especially when you are the one financially supporting the family would be depressing. That's why he's huffy.
Have some empathy ffs. The kids could eat earlier but I think it's sad his wife cares so little for him that she won't have a sandwich earlier and eat with him.

Jeez, and make sure the wife has put on a clean apron and a sparkling smile when he comes through the door. Is this the 1950?

So the breadwinner gets to dictate when everyone should eat?

Smartiepants79 · 22/09/2016 21:37

Generally the children eat around 5:30, I sometimes eat with them.
Mostly DH and I eat when he is home and the children in bed. Around 8. I don't tend to wait for him past 8:30 if he's still at work.

Flatoutnautilus · 22/09/2016 21:39

I have to say that I do 90% of the time
wait to eat supper with the breadwinner. Very occasionally I'll eat before him but usually I just sit with the children and have a snack. It is pretty lonely always eating alone IMHO.

user1471552005 · 22/09/2016 21:39

I always eat with my children early rather than waiting to eat with my OH.
It's more important for my kids to have an adult eat with them than my OH.
He already has table manners.

NataliaOsipova · 22/09/2016 21:42

I think eating by yourself every evening, especially when you are the one financially supporting the family would be depressing

I get this, actually. And not because it's some sort of 1950s throwback (which I know many would say I am!), but because if you are out all day at work, it's nice to have the social aspect of dinner when you get home. It's not a dictatorship, though (at least I don't see it that way!). If my DH is going to be late (ie home later than 8.30), he will always ring and say so - and make a point of telling me not to wait for him to eat. I think a bit or understanding both ways goes a long way.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 22/09/2016 21:42

It's generally much nicer to eat with an adult than toddlers or young children. There is nothing to stop you sitting with your kids and having a cup of tea and doing the whole chatting/table manners thing if you feel you have to.

Mycraneisfixed · 22/09/2016 21:44

6pm is quite late enough. Even if you work it's doable if you're organised. By the the time it's eaten and everything been cleared away the evening's nearly over anyway. Any later and you've got no evening down-time at all.