AIBU for wanting to re-home my cat?

[yorkshapudding]

Let me preface this by saying that I'm already ashamed of myself for feeling like this and am really hoping for constructive advice and opinions, so please don't flame me.

We have a cat who has been with us since we took her in as a stray 10 years ago. We don't know exact age, Vet estimates about 16. About 18 months ago she started having accidents. At first it was just a couple of times a week but this has gradually gotten worse and she is now urinating all over the floor every day, several times a day. She still manages to poo in the litter tray most of the time, but will not wee in the tray at all. The Vet (after several costly investigations) has been unable to find any medical cause for this and says it's "just old age" and there's nothing they can do. We've tried different litter trays, different types of litter etc, nothing has helped.

We have had to restrict her to the dining room and kitchen as these are the only areas of the house that aren't carpeted and she gets quite upset at not being allowed in the lounge with us. We spent quite a lot of money decorating the dining room (it's a lovely big room with a nice view) but now don't use it at all and can't have guests over to eat in there as the floor is covered with puppy training pads and I cannot get the smell of cat wee out no matter how many times I scrub the floors, spray febreeze etc.

We both work full time and have a 2.5 yo DD (planning on TTC no 2 next year) and this situation with the cat is starting to become a major stress. Every morning we come downstairs to the stench of cat wee and a frantic clean up job before work. I then come home from work to the same foul smell and another clean up job (I am out of the house for 9 hours, DH for longer, so there will have been several accidents) and if we have visitors I get all self-conscious as I feel like my house always smells no matter how hard I try to disguise it.

I am very fond of the cat and I know none of this is her fault but it's really getting me down. I've started to think maybe it would be best to re-home her (although I doubt we would even be able to find anyone willing to take her in given her age and incontinence) but then I feel like a horrible person for even thinking about it .

I just don't know what else to do

This isn't just about incontinence anymore.

You've said that she's still eating and drinking, but is still steadily losing weight and has no interest in going outside anymore.

All the signs point to a cat who has had enough and is now just waiting to die.

Do the decent (but heartbreaking) thing, and pts now before her quality of life declines anymore.

Oh bless you, this is so hard.

My parents had a cat like this who had terrible issues

Firstly talk to the vet about medication which might help her. Mum and Dad gave their cat a tablet which helped for a few months.

However if you think it's time then talking about euthanasia is no bad thing. It's hardest for you because perhaps she seems otherwise well.

My parents cat was the same and even though they had tried lots of things nothing helped long term. In the end they had to make the painful decision to have her PTS. It was terrible for them because she was eating and otherwise well but the constant soiling became too much of a risk and like your cat she was elderly. Their vet was brilliant because he knew all they had tried.

Now three years on they have her ashes and my Dad says she is going to be buried with him (she was very much my Dads cat).

It's a hard decision but she is 16 and this isn't a great life for you or her.

for you. Such a hard decision.

So wierd OP as I have spent the entire day trying to get the smell of cat wee out of my sofas as our cat has recently started doing the same! Little patches on cushions, on carpets, on beds and IN PLANT POTS! It's really really soul destroying when he has a perfectly good litter tray! Luckily he's a very outdoorsy cat so I've been letting him out as much as possible but there is nothing worse than that smell when you come in!! It's really hard as your cat will be difficult to rehome so you have my sympathies. Not an easy situation at all !!

She doesn't sound happy, and she can't spend time with you like she wants to

It isn't cruel to pts, it would be cruel to put her in a shelter where she'll be unhappy in a cage til she dies. Go with her to the vets, let her know she was loved to the end and let her go

Thank you all for your responses. I am reading them all and taking each one on board, although obviously there is a lot of disagreement as to what the 'right' thing to do in this situation is.

I think I am going to take her back to the Vet and see if there's anything else they can recommend to improve the situation that we haven't already tried and explain that if there isn't, we will have to seriously consider having her PTS.

The current situation is not sustainable. I feel guilty for confining her to the two rooms but I can't let her have the run of the house or I'd return from work to find every room in the house stinking and all carpets/furniture ruined. Re-homing is clearly not an option (I don't think I ever really thought it was, just had a desperate moment) and shutting her outside with winter approaching isn't something I feel comfortable with.

I do understand all the stuff about caring for them in their 'twilight' years but unless I actually leave my job to clean up after her or change her nappies regularly I don't see how I can keep the mess/smell under control to the extent that it doesn't impact on the rest of the families quality of life.

I love my cat very much. That probably didn't come across in the OP (because when I wrote it I was frustrated and feeling a bit hopeless and had just cleaned up after her twice in the space of about twenty minutes, whilst simultaneously dealing with a poorly toddler) but I really do.

But you have been caring for her in her twilight years? She's 16, that's a very good age, especially given that she was a stray and you don't know what happened to her for the first few years of her life.

What informal said.

16 is a good age for a cat. She's had a good innings, has been loved and well cared for. What more could you possibly do?

I just had my old cat put down a couple of weeks ago. I'm sad about it but I don't have any regrets. In retrospect her quality of life had been poor for a long time, she didn't go outside, was very confused (she was part of a trial for medication for cats with dementia and had the worst symptoms of any in the trial), was often distressed had had continence problems. She was 18. If I had had her pts at 16 I don't honestly think she would have had a worse life for it. We are very good at keeping cats alive now, I'm not sure it is always for their benefit.

chemenger I agree entirely with you.

I agree with you chemenger in a lot of cases people hang on far too long and it's for their benefit rather than their pets.

You have cared for her in her 'twilight' years. 16 is a good age for a cat. You rescued her, took her in and have lived her for 10 years. I view having a suffering animal pts as a kind thing and it sounds like safely that might be the best option for your lovely cat.

Some people have found Prosac to be helpful with feline inappropriate urination so if you are thinking of trying more treatments this is definitely worth raising with your vet. And on a practical note Simple Solution is brilliant for cleaning urine.

However, I think only you know what the little cat's quality of life is like and whether it is worth trying more ideas or giving her a peaceful end now.

As others have said, she won't be rehomed, even if a space became available in a rescue (they are still trying to rehome 5 month old kittens from the first kitten season in spring and the second kitten season is soon to arrive). Have you discussed stress cystitis with the vet?? Common in older cats and especially with perhaps a toddler around. My cat gets it (she's 14 ish), and pees on the sofa etc but a supplement called Cystease really helps her (reasonably priced on Amazon). If not, I certainly wouldn't judge you for doing the kindest thing...you've given her ten years of love and the fact you're so concerned says a lot in my book.

Kidney problems are common in older cats as are water infections which can also cause the cat to be miserable, due to headaches etc. Really surprised your vet hasn't found any cause. My old mog had similar symptoms which antibiotic injections every few months kept at bay for the last few years. Maybe try a different vet? explaining that if the situation doesn't improve there will come an end point.

I think NOT putting her to sleep at this point would be cruel.

It's a horrible decision at the end but is part of taking on the responsibility for them.

My cat would be so upset to be incontinent and to have lost the will to BE a cat.

16 is an excellent run, let her go now while it can still be a kind way out.