AIBU for wanting to re-home my cat?

[yorkshapudding]

Let me preface this by saying that I'm already ashamed of myself for feeling like this and am really hoping for constructive advice and opinions, so please don't flame me.

We have a cat who has been with us since we took her in as a stray 10 years ago. We don't know exact age, Vet estimates about 16. About 18 months ago she started having accidents. At first it was just a couple of times a week but this has gradually gotten worse and she is now urinating all over the floor every day, several times a day. She still manages to poo in the litter tray most of the time, but will not wee in the tray at all. The Vet (after several costly investigations) has been unable to find any medical cause for this and says it's "just old age" and there's nothing they can do. We've tried different litter trays, different types of litter etc, nothing has helped.

We have had to restrict her to the dining room and kitchen as these are the only areas of the house that aren't carpeted and she gets quite upset at not being allowed in the lounge with us. We spent quite a lot of money decorating the dining room (it's a lovely big room with a nice view) but now don't use it at all and can't have guests over to eat in there as the floor is covered with puppy training pads and I cannot get the smell of cat wee out no matter how many times I scrub the floors, spray febreeze etc.

We both work full time and have a 2.5 yo DD (planning on TTC no 2 next year) and this situation with the cat is starting to become a major stress. Every morning we come downstairs to the stench of cat wee and a frantic clean up job before work. I then come home from work to the same foul smell and another clean up job (I am out of the house for 9 hours, DH for longer, so there will have been several accidents) and if we have visitors I get all self-conscious as I feel like my house always smells no matter how hard I try to disguise it.

I am very fond of the cat and I know none of this is her fault but it's really getting me down. I've started to think maybe it would be best to re-home her (although I doubt we would even be able to find anyone willing to take her in given her age and incontinence) but then I feel like a horrible person for even thinking about it .

I just don't know what else to do

The kindest thing would be to pts she's had love food and warmth and needs you to make a decision for her.
Dh Grandfather clings to pets until they die from natural causes it's cruel.

The vet will come to your house and it can be done in cats favorite spot

It does sound a bit like she is stressed, and this could now have got to the stage where she is scent-marking.

Perhaps you could try using a Feliway plug-in for a week or two, to see if that makes a difference to her behaviour.

Suggest you ask to move this thread to or start another thread on The Litter Tray topic.
In my opinion, i would put out a few more litter trays in the short term but if she is incontinent then euthanasia might be the kindest option. Better a month too soon than a day too late.

YABVU.

You are not unreasonable to think this is a problem and it's clear that things can't carry on this way for both you and the poor cats sake. However, I think you are being entirely unreasonable in thinking the most appropriate solution to the situation is rehoming your elderly, incontinent cat.

It would be cruel thing to do and I'm struggling to see how you think that it's a solution at all (never mind the only solution) if I'm honest! She's elderly and you've had her a long time, putting her into a cat shelter would be extremely unkind.

Be a responsible pet owner and consider your cats welfare and quality of life. I think it would probably be kindest to have her put to sleep, as I doubt she is happy being incontinent and confined (and mostly alone?) to one room of the house when she is used to having freedom of the house and spending time with you when you are at home.

I know you've asked not to be flamed and I realise this is going to sound harsh, but this kind of thing really makes me cross. When you choose to get a pet you are also taking on the responsibility for ensuring it's welfare. Placing your incontinent, elderly cat into a shelter (especially in the full knowledge that she is unlikely to be rehomed due to her problem and age) is simply abdicating the responsibilities you took on.

If you can't or don't want to manage that responsibility then you should not have got a pet and you should not have one in the future.

I came very close to having my old cat pts because of uncontrolled peeing (she would stand on the arm of the sofa, look me in the eye and pee up the curtains) but luckily we came back from the brink by putting down 6 litter trays all over the house so that she was never far from one. I don't think it is cruel to pts an animal whose quality of life is poor or one who is having a destructive effect on your life to this extent. There is a limit to what can be tolerated. Better to pts than to try and rehome, which is not going to happen. You will mourn the cat but she will know nothing about it.

Have you tried feliway? Not sure it would do much good but may be worth a try!

To be honest from what you've said I'd have her pts, and I don't say that lightly, I love cats, and it breaks my heart to think of doing this to my cat but I know I would out of love if she was struggling with things like toileting etc.

Your cat is a really good age, and presumably had a good life especially the last ten years, she won't know what's going on if you did pts.

Your only other option is to put up with it Til she gets worse and then reconsider pts in the future or when you can't cope any longer.

We had this with vomiting. Spent £1000 on vet bills to get to bottom of it & eventually made the decision to pts as vet finally diagnosed stomach cancer.

She was violently sick for months, usually all over our bed. I wish we'd pts sooner - it would have saved a lot of her discomfort, stress and money but vet didn't suggest it & I felt cruel raising it.

I think you know what's best for her

We had a similar situation with our cat. She wee'd and pooed in the house for the last year of her life. It was very difficult to manage with young children in the house. The Vet felt she had feline dementia and over time she also began to meow almost constantly and ultimately became very thin. I wasn't able to bring myself to have her put to sleep but after a year or so it was clear that she was unhappy possibly in pain and she became utterly listless. At that stage we had her pts because it seemed cruel to let her carry on

To answer some other points.

We have been to two different vets. Both did tests and could not find any cause but said that feline dementia was a possibility. Both vets said they were not aware of any treatment for her incontinence. She hasn't stopped eating and drinking but has been steadily losing weight. Again, neither vet was able to identify a cause for this and both put it down to her age and possibly Dementia. Neither vet mentioned PTS. Would they not have done so if they thought she was suffering?

We did wonder about arthritis, as a pp mentioned but the Vet felt it was unlikely as she is still able to climb up to high surfaces. Just on the off chance we got a special litter tray that is supposed to be good for cats with mobility issues (it's sort of lower at the front so they don't struggle to climb into it) but it made no difference.

We have tried multiple litter trays. She won't urinate in a tray even if its right next to her. We've also tried the plug ins.

Did the vet check her thyroid?

I had the same with our much loved cat who had no control anymore and would wee on the carpets and sofa etc. She would cry each time it happened and was clearly stressed by it. The vet advised old age and recommended putting to sleep. I was devastated but it was best for her. She was 13. Unfortunately it seems a common issue for cats.

Informal yes, the second Vet did.

Our old cat had arthritis and could jump onto chairs, beds etc, but we think she associated the litter tray with pain (she would pee in it, but not poo - eventually she wouldn't pee in it either). We tried pain meds (she couldn't tolerate them) and Feliway. Didn't work either.

OP I would raise it directly with the vet.

"She's 16, incontinent, she won't go outside, she's losing weight, she's quite possibly demented and confused and her quality of life is rapidly diminishing. We think we are at the point of needing to ask you to put her out of her misery. What do you think?"

Ps I'm sorry she's come to this. You clearly love her and have given her a great home. Don't feel guilty.

It sounds as if you have tried everything then?

I had an ancient cat that developed this problem. The vet couldn't find a cause and said it was likely dementia. We struggled on for a couple of years with the stink of cat piss and puppy pads everywhere. Then she started pooing everywhere and we soldiered on and dealt with that too. It was only when she started having seizures and was clearly at the end of her life that we had her PTS. She lived to 23 and we all loved her dearly.

I wouldn't do it again. A few weeks ago, our slightly-less-ancient cat (17) started pissing on the floor. Thankfully it turned out to be a UTI but in the meantime, DH and I discussed the 'what ifs' and we agreed, if it turned out to be untreatable, permanent incontinence, we would PTS this time round. We don't love her any less than we did ancient cat, we just know our limits.

They might not have suggested as you haven't. They've given you the diagnosis so they may believe you are comfortable with continuing as you are. I would bring up the subject yourself and see what they say.

I could have written your message a few months ago. My 17 year old was the same, piddling EVERYWHERE and my 1 yr old DS was probably being exposed to it (I cleaned it up obviously but probably didn't even come across all the 'accidents').
Initial vet check showed no bladder infections etc but there were some worrying blood levels to do with her liver. She already had early stage renal failure and this is very common in old cats.

Anyway long story short - she became more unhappy, stopped eating and clearly didn't want to wee everywhere but couldn't help it. We made the decision to PTS. It was heartbreaking but also a huge relief to not worry about it anymore.

As PPs have said you won't be able to rehome her now. It's not tenable to live with an incontinent cat especially with a small child. I think you need to consider PTS and remember you took her in as a stray and gave her the best life you could for a long time.

It would be cruel thing to do and I'm struggling to see how you think that it's a solution at all (never mind the only solution) if I'm honest!

As I have tried to say in my OP (perhaps I didn't explain myself very well), I was never really considering re-homing as a viable "solution" more a thought I had in moments of desperation and then immediately hated myself for even thinking about it. I agree it's cruel, but I was just clutching and straws not knowing what else to do. If you look at the responses on this thread I have also been told that PTS is cruel and that letting the current situation continue is cruel so I am cruel and an irresponsible pet owner whatever I do.

I think your vet maybe was waiting for you to get to this stage. It's the stage where you look at your cat and think 'they're not happy, we're not happy, it's not going to get any better but will probably slowly get worse'. At that point you start to consider pts.

Go back to your vets. talk about her quality of life. You could try the outside pen but that will be a temporary measure as I suspect she may find being outside confusing and stressful (and cold as the autumn arrives). So that may work for now but not next month.

I would say your cat has had 16 years of a very loving, long life and this is the last months to a year of that life. If you think she isn't coping and her conditions are poor due to her incontinence, then pts is probably for the best. It wouldn't be right for her to carry on living as she is now and you know this. It's terribly sad and guilt-ridden but it's the right thing for all of you, if that is what you choose and if the vet believes it is dementia and a downward path from here.

If cats were wild at 16 and with dementia they would no longer be able to hunt, find a bush and hide.

The kindest thing to her is put her to sleep

Caring for a pet through their twilight years is one of the saddest parts of pet ownership. It is also a great honour though. I'd have given anything to be clearing up after my cat as an old lady, rather than her being struck by a car in the peak of her life - you have the priviledge of a cat that has lived a life to its full, and who is full of years.

To abandon her or kill her now, when she has given you a decade of companionship is cruel IMO. I understand the stresses of an incontinent cat - I now have a special needs kitty who can be much the same (though it comes and goes), but when you adopted her, you promised to look after her for her whole life, don't break that promise to her now.

You may convince yourself that the euthanaisa is for her, but its not, its for you. I'd first of all get a second opinion on her - as someone said, it may be arthritis. It could be her eyesight (though blind cats can use litter trays fine), there may be practical solutions which you can use.

I do sympathise, but I doubt its something that will be going on for years. It sounds like she is getting very old, but this is the time when she needs her human family the most.