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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for wanting to re-home my cat?

117 replies

yorkshapudding · 20/09/2016 14:16

Let me preface this by saying that I'm already ashamed of myself for feeling like this and am really hoping for constructive advice and opinions, so please don't flame me.

We have a cat who has been with us since we took her in as a stray 10 years ago. We don't know exact age, Vet estimates about 16. About 18 months ago she started having accidents. At first it was just a couple of times a week but this has gradually gotten worse and she is now urinating all over the floor every day, several times a day. She still manages to poo in the litter tray most of the time, but will not wee in the tray at all. The Vet (after several costly investigations) has been unable to find any medical cause for this and says it's "just old age" and there's nothing they can do. We've tried different litter trays, different types of litter etc, nothing has helped.

We have had to restrict her to the dining room and kitchen as these are the only areas of the house that aren't carpeted and she gets quite upset at not being allowed in the lounge with us. We spent quite a lot of money decorating the dining room (it's a lovely big room with a nice view) but now don't use it at all and can't have guests over to eat in there as the floor is covered with puppy training pads and I cannot get the smell of cat wee out no matter how many times I scrub the floors, spray febreeze etc.

We both work full time and have a 2.5 yo DD (planning on TTC no 2 next year) and this situation with the cat is starting to become a major stress. Every morning we come downstairs to the stench of cat wee and a frantic clean up job before work. I then come home from work to the same foul smell and another clean up job (I am out of the house for 9 hours, DH for longer, so there will have been several accidents) and if we have visitors I get all self-conscious as I feel like my house always smells no matter how hard I try to disguise it.

I am very fond of the cat and I know none of this is her fault but it's really getting me down. I've started to think maybe it would be best to re-home her (although I doubt we would even be able to find anyone willing to take her in given her age and incontinence) but then I feel like a horrible person for even thinking about it Blush.

I just don't know what else to do Sad

OP posts:
toptoe · 20/09/2016 15:35

I had a dog similar age kept fitting. Turned out it was incurable brain tumours. The worst of it was seeing him not being able to do what he normally would, including go outside to the toilet or go for a walk. It was horrible.

BertrandRussell · 20/09/2016 15:37

It is not cruel to pts an incontinent cat- they are clean animals and not being able to keep clean is distressing to them. The "looking after them in their twilight years" thing is sentimental self indulgence.

niminypiminy · 20/09/2016 15:39

Interestingly I asked a question about my incontinent cat (does vile liquid poos on the doormat plus wees there as well and won't use the litter tray) in The Litter Tray a few weeks ago and was told in no uncertain terms ai was cruel and heartless to even think of having the cat PTS!

We were just about to go on holiday and the thought of asking a cat-sitter to clean all that up was too much to bear, so we locked the cats outside for the whole week, and now they get shut out every night. It's ok in the summer, but it can't work in the depths of winter. Is that kinder than having him PTS? I just don't know what is right. But during the day he's still pooing and seeing on the doormat and I can't stop him.

niminypiminy · 20/09/2016 15:41

Btw we cover the doormat in newspaper which catches the worst. But it is not a long term solution.

jacks11 · 20/09/2016 15:42

Agree with Bertrand- it is not cruel to put a cat to sleep in this situation.

Cat's don't like being unclean and in my experience most find this distressing. Most cats would also find it distressing to be confined to one or two rooms, mostly on their own, when they have been used to roaming the house (and outside) or spending time with the owners when they are at home. The cat has also been losing weight and interest in going outside etc, it has been crying out at night (? demented).

Keeping them alive when they are unhappy and possibly distressed under the guise of "doing everything" to look them after them in their twilight years seems a bit sentimental to me.

Original poster
yorkshapudding · 20/09/2016 15:42

Bluesky as I mentioned up thread we have already had a second opinion.

I am very sorry about your cat btw Flowers

OP posts:
toptoe · 20/09/2016 15:43

It depends on the condition and age of the animal. If it's incurable, going to deteriorate and the animal is suffering then pts is an option. If the animal is otherwise fit, young and the condition can be relieved then medicine etc is better.

Toddlerteaplease · 20/09/2016 15:46

Have you tried a shallower litter tray? She may no longer be able to climb into the current one. Put puppy pads in her wee spots. They absorb the smell and you just bin them.

toptoe · 20/09/2016 15:46

You'll reach the point when you know what you want to do.

Toddlerteaplease · 20/09/2016 15:47

Try the litter tray section instead as they may have more advice and won't just advice you to pts

Original poster
yorkshapudding · 20/09/2016 15:50

Toddler we have tried several different litter trays, including shallow ones as we originally thought this must be the problem but it made no difference. We have also tried positioning a number of litter trays around the place so she is always close to one and it still didn't work. We currently use puppy pads but even if we cover the whole floor with them they always get displaced as she's walking around. She also seems to scratch them up once she's wee'd on them, like she's trying to bury the evidence.

OP posts:
carefreeeee · 20/09/2016 15:57

I think you should consider putting her to sleep.

The situation sounds unsustainable and rehoming is not going to be an option. Confining the cat will probably cause lots of stress too.

You've obviously done your best to find a solution so don't feel guilty (easier said than done)

Euthanasia is not cruel as it doesn't involve suffering. Animals have no concept of future, they live in the here and now. This point comes for many pets and it's not at all unusual.

This is also a completely different situation to people who get a cat and 6 months later can't be bothered any more. I'm sure your vet will not judge you in this situation.

Oliversmumsarmy · 20/09/2016 15:57

My 20 year old cat does this when dp has lined the litter box. She just doesn't like it at all and wees at the side of the tray rather than go in it. We put bin liners down around the tray.

Friends cat was hit by a car and lost all control. She uses nappies.

I was told that unless you washed the area with a certain type of washing powder the cat would return to the same place to wee again and again. The powder has something in it that eats up the thing in the urine that makes a cat want to return to wee there

Couldn't imagine putting a pet to sleep because of incontinence. I always imagine that fate would deal me the same hand so I hope to be treated with kindness and be able to carry on living regardless of what might be wrong with me for as long as I possibly can.

StarryIllusion · 20/09/2016 16:01

TBH I would put to sleep. She obviously has no quality of life anymore, no interest in going out or doing things she used to like, she is losing weight with no apparent cause, is shut away from the family and distressed about it and is unable to control her bladder which must also be upsetting for her as cats are very clean animals. Add to that, the crying at night and you've got a pretty unhappy feline. I don't think it would be cruel to let her go, it is the best of a bad bunch of options. We lost our dog last year at age 13 to a stroke and honestly I was glad that it was an "event" that took her rather than her having to suffer the misery of old age and not being able to do things she loved anymore. She was a very active dog and seemed to think she was still a puppy and I don't think she would have coped well with getting old so after the stroke we made the decision to put her down. Even if she had recovered, her quality of life would have been terrible. Sometimes I think this is the worst part of owning a pet, having to make decisions about whether their lives should continue.

IsItMeOr · 20/09/2016 16:03

Scratching at the puppy pads after weeing - isn't that just the natural instinct for cats to bury their wee?

It does sound like you have tried everything, and that you are in that territory where you should have the PTS conversation with your vet.

It is a horrible decision to make for your much-loved family member. We really struggled when our DCat (aged 21) after about four years of kidney problems and associated treatment was at the stage of vomiting multiple times a day and routinely pooing outside her litter tray. She hated having the medication we had to administer several times a day (tablets and injection). We hated doing it to her. She aged very rapidly in the last year and lost a lot of weight. I have no doubt that we did the right thing in having her PTS.

I'm sure you'll know the right thing to do for your family Flowers.

Original poster
yorkshapudding · 20/09/2016 16:04

Oliver I have thought about nappies but as I said upthread, we are usually out of the house for 9hrs a day minimum during the week. Wouldn't it be distressing for a cat to be in the same nappy for that long given that they're generally such clean animals?

OP posts:
carefreeeee · 20/09/2016 16:09

Nappies on a cat is definitely cruel. Sometimes you have to take responsibility. Put her to sleep to prevent suffering. They are not people (and actually plenty of people I know say they would rather be euthanased than live in a home incontinent and senile)

It's very hard but as a pet owner sometimes you have to make difficult decisions.

BertrandRussell · 20/09/2016 16:12

"Couldn't imagine putting a pet to sleep because of incontinence"

Now that is cruel.

Soubriquet · 20/09/2016 16:14

It depends Bertrend

I had an incontient dog who was happy and healthy with everything else.

He just couldn't stop himself from weeing and pooing in the house

He wasn't distressed by it at all.

When he began to suffer from dementia however, howling in the night, staring at walls, not able to find his food or water bowl, THEN it would have been cruel to keep him alive

SapphireStrange · 20/09/2016 16:16

I agree with Soubriquet, surely each case is different? That's why I asked if the cat seems generally unhappy or if the incontinence is the only problem.

YoungGirlGrowingOld · 20/09/2016 16:16

I have had a cat pts in exactly these circumstances. I don't think it's cruel - as PP's have said, the cat won't be happy either. It was impossible to get rid of the smell and the other cat got alopecia from stress. I was also pg and having to clean up cats pee every day was too risky. DH works away.

As awful as it sounds I dont regret it - he was old and infirm and it was time.

Nanny0gg · 20/09/2016 16:17

I had a similar situation a few years ago.

We suspected dementia but after further deterioration and fitting we had to have her PTS. The vet then suspected a possible tumor.

It is very sad, but I think you need to have the Conversation. It is genuinely the kindest thing to do. Keeping an animal alive when they have no idea of what's going on and why they behave as they do now is cruel in my view.

Horrible but necessary decision Flowers

80sWaistcoat · 20/09/2016 16:19

Part of the responsibility in being a pet owner is making the really difficult decision to know when it's time for a pet to be pts. It would be great if all pets lived their lives to the full and then quietly went to sleep one night and didn't wake up. But that's not what is going to happen.

I really agree with the poster that suggested you go back to the vet and describe her quality of life and talk about options.

ToastDemon · 20/09/2016 16:20

I'm a massive animal lover but I do think PTS is your best option here. Rehoming is obviously totally out and shutting an elderly cat outdoors just as the weather is becoming cold isn't a great solution.
You have given her ten good years.

a7mints · 20/09/2016 16:24

YANBU in the slightest to have it put down, especially with a toddler and possibly soon a newborn in the house!
It is not cruel to put an animal down, they live entirely in the moment.