AIBU for wanting to re-home my cat?

[yorkshapudding]

Let me preface this by saying that I'm already ashamed of myself for feeling like this and am really hoping for constructive advice and opinions, so please don't flame me.

We have a cat who has been with us since we took her in as a stray 10 years ago. We don't know exact age, Vet estimates about 16. About 18 months ago she started having accidents. At first it was just a couple of times a week but this has gradually gotten worse and she is now urinating all over the floor every day, several times a day. She still manages to poo in the litter tray most of the time, but will not wee in the tray at all. The Vet (after several costly investigations) has been unable to find any medical cause for this and says it's "just old age" and there's nothing they can do. We've tried different litter trays, different types of litter etc, nothing has helped.

We have had to restrict her to the dining room and kitchen as these are the only areas of the house that aren't carpeted and she gets quite upset at not being allowed in the lounge with us. We spent quite a lot of money decorating the dining room (it's a lovely big room with a nice view) but now don't use it at all and can't have guests over to eat in there as the floor is covered with puppy training pads and I cannot get the smell of cat wee out no matter how many times I scrub the floors, spray febreeze etc.

We both work full time and have a 2.5 yo DD (planning on TTC no 2 next year) and this situation with the cat is starting to become a major stress. Every morning we come downstairs to the stench of cat wee and a frantic clean up job before work. I then come home from work to the same foul smell and another clean up job (I am out of the house for 9 hours, DH for longer, so there will have been several accidents) and if we have visitors I get all self-conscious as I feel like my house always smells no matter how hard I try to disguise it.

I am very fond of the cat and I know none of this is her fault but it's really getting me down. I've started to think maybe it would be best to re-home her (although I doubt we would even be able to find anyone willing to take her in given her age and incontinence) but then I feel like a horrible person for even thinking about it .

I just don't know what else to do

Has she been checked out by the vet?

I rescued a Manx kitten and very suddenly she started with severe urinary incontinence. I'm a real cat lover but my kids have significant needs and I couldn't deal with that either.

I took her to the vet who told me nowhere will take a cat with urinary incontinence and if it wasn't a fixable issue it would be kinder to euthanise. I tried a few rescues, even a specialist Manx rescue and they all said the same as the vet - given cats' very clean natures bring like this is stressful and sometimes it's kinder to euthanise.

To our tremendous relief it was a UTI and easily treated. She's now very well but has a reduced life expectancy due to her neurological damage.

So I do understand how hard it is to deal with urinary incontinence in a cat. You need to think carefully and take professional advice before making a decision.

Good luck.

I would have her PTS cats are very clean animals and this must be so hard on her. Poor kitty.

Our vet always said you can tell if an aged animal has quality of life if they are eating and drinking, clean in the house and act pleased to see you. If any of those go then it's time to PTS.

If she has no interest in going out now, I would say she probably has given up on life

I take back the pts being cruel now

Just for weeing is cruel

For an animal who has no interest in life, it's a blessing

Has the vet checked for diabetes?

My cat is 16 too and started pissing on the sofa back in June. I have no idea why. She is fit and able to jump up but won't go upstairs to her litter box any more.
Fortunately, the pee incidents coincided with the warm weather and she started staying in the garden most of the time.
She loves the outdoor porch and flower bed and occasionally has a stroll in the back garden. We have a cat flap that allows her into the basement where she has food, water and a cushion (though she rarely uses it) and she has got into the habit of mewing to come in, eats in the kitchen, sometimes sits on dd 's lap for a bit, then back out. All her "business" is done outside and she is very happy and content.
Is there anyway your cat, OP, could be encouraged to go out to wee if she won't use her litter? Or is she very much an indoor cat?

You have had her ten years, how can you be so cruel to consider letting her live her last days out in a shelter or with strangers

Reg because I don't know what else to do. It's cruel to put her in a shelter, cruel to leave her with strangers, cruel to put her to sleep "just because she's old" as one pp put it and cruel to let her spend all day stuck in a piss filled room while i'm at work.

If I could think of a way to solve the problem that wasn't cruel in any way, believe me, I would do it. I'm grasping at straws basically.

As a short term possible solution, have you tried using Natures Miracle stain and odour remover? It's a cleaner designed for cleaning up cat urine, vomit etc and has enzymes in it which removes the smell, even if it's been there a while. You can get it on amazon for not too much, it might make things a little more bearable as a short term solution?

Rehoming isn't an option. She will just spend the rest of her days in a pen or be killed.

You've enjoyed 10 years with her, and say you're fond of her. This too is part of responsible pet ownership, caring for them in their final years. I wouldn't suggest ending a pets life because they were pissing in the wrong place anymore than I'd suggest ending an incontinent persons life.

And I've had to rip up cat pee smelling carpets due to accidents by elderly cats so totally empathise with how rubbish it is. The best thing is to get rid of the carpets and go for an easy to clean alternative, tiles or vinyl. You'll never completely get rid of the smell now so why not cut your losses and allow her to spend time with her family in her twilight years?

I would seriously consider having her PTS. It sounds as though she's had a lovely 10 years but is no longer enjoying her life.

Have behavioural triggers been ruled out? Is she in pain from arthritis and struggling to climb into her litter tray?
To be honest 'old age' is a cop out. It's not a disease. Urinary incontinence or osteoarthritis are diseases and they are treatable, as are behaviour triggers of inappropriate urination. But first you need to find out what the cause is.

If this is not possible for financial/logistical reasons then PTS. Rehoming an elderly cat with medical problems is hugely difficult and would be massively stressful. PTS is not cruel, but poor quality of life is.

To answer some other points, yes the vet has checked for diabetes. All her bloods came back fine (considering her age) but the Vet did say that feline dementia was a possibility as she had been crying a lot in the night (although this seems to have stopped now) but he said there way no way to tell for sure and nothing they could do for it. He didn't mention PTC as an option so we didn't consider it as one really.

She used to be very much an outdoor cat, especially in the summer months but now she never goes out and sleeps most of the day. Again though, the vet said this was just a part of old age.

Party I will definitely give it a go, thank you.

Take her to the vet and see if he can suggest any treatment or remedies. If he advises she be PTS, pay attention to his advice. As people have pointed out, she can't really have much quality of life.

From experience with our old cat, I wouldn't be surprised if there was something else going on that the vet hasn't yet spotted / been able to spot - kidney disease or a tumour or similar.

If she has lost interest in going outside, it sounds as if she is getting towards the end of her time. No shame in having her pts, you've given her ten great years that she may not have had otherwise.

Apart from the incontinence, does she seem to be unhappy or distressed? Or do you think she is still enjoying life?

If the former then maybe PTS (although it's an upsetting thought); if the latter then personally I would not have her PTS, but would find a solution that keeps your house as clean as possible (there are some good ones on here) until she DOES stop enjoying life.

Honestly, OP, the kindest thing you could do for the cat is to have her put to sleep.

I don't know what to advise because you also have a child ( I'd probably scorch you alive if you didn't )

I'll probably be considered harsh here but if you cannot keep her because your house stinks as heck, well better to put her to sleep than confining her to a cage in a shelter.

And concerning the floors... we had to replace them all because one of my kitties has always been wild and destroyed all the carpets into the house. ALL of them. He also had diarrhea for 2 months straight (from when he was 4 to 6 months), down to behavioural problems; imagine me getting up at 2/3/4 am in the morning to clean his bum each night. Despite many visits at the vets, nothing wrong was found and he clearly got along fine and never had a problem since.
Surely, he was not 16 (he's not even 2 now), so that's a different situation; I'd say that if the situation is unbearable for yourself and the kitty herself, maybe put her to sleep is a kinder thing to do than re-homing her.

I'm very sorry Op but if she#s crying her sleep and not happy to go out anymore I'd consider putting her to sleep.

She's coming to the end of her lifespan, she's lost interest in life and is having medical issues. If we wasn't keeping them in a domestic situation, at this point, they would die at this stage, so is it right or wrong to be keeping them alive?

I've worked in end of life care and the option is given to take a tranquilliser/pain relief that we (and they) know, will contribute to their quicker, death. My Mum chose that, only last year. She could have not taken it and lingered for days. Many also choose to not have treatment. So if we're making human analogies, then the cat is, to all intents and purposes, showing that she's reached the end.

My old Persian would urinate everywhere, constantly - I didn't know that until after I adopted him and for years, tried to limit his peeing (I think he was abused from 0-5 years old and had some kind of PTSD). It got progressively worse as he got older and whilst I was able to get the vets to sort out his fleas, eye ulcer, cystitus, ear drum perforation... I was never able to get his ringworm under control, nor his peeing.

After I moved for the 3rd time, I kept him in a huge dog cage and let him out as often as I could when I was at home, but it got to the stage where I just couldn't deal with his urinating on yet another new carpet.

One morning, I walked up the stairs and I saw him, looking at me in his cage and I just knew - He wasn't happy, was a shadow of his former self and it was time.

I phoned the vet and sorted out all the arrangements and he was put to sleep 4.5 years ago aged 13.

I loved him with all my heart - Even now, I feel guilty... but his quality of life had decreased to such a stage and as others have said above, what cat wants to be confined to a small space?

It's a horrible, horrible position to be in and having gone through it for years, you really have my sympathy. I'd personally keep on, keeping on until you believe your cat has no quality of life (could be now, could be in a few months) at which point, I'd consider the kindest thing to do would be to put her to sleep.

At her age it's possibly the onset of dementia. In the wild an animal wouldn't live as long as a pet would and rarely live long enough to have their brain deteriorate.

If she was mine I would pts with no guilt. You wouldn't be being cruel. She will not be as happy as she once was, and you are all out for a significant proportion of the day, leaving her alone.

Putting an animal to sleep is not an act of cruelty. They do not know what their life span should be, that they are not going to attain it, nor what is going to happen. You would be giving her peace.

There's nothing cruel about PTS in a situation like this. It sounds like it might be the best thing to do.

I wish you luck op

And don't feel bad about having her pts. 10 mins or 10 years it doesn't matter. The second we meet our pets that's it. We love them and letting them go is the hardest thing to do.

It does sound as if you have given it a good go to try and solve the problems. Whatever anyone says, realistically you can't carry on like this. Not fair on you or the cat.

I would PTS, my girls are both incredibly clean and would hate to be in this state. She's had a wonderful life but this is impacting her and your family.

You're not an animal lover if you expect an animal to be kept alive regardless of quality of life. I expect the poor animal isn't that happy stuck in two rooms of a house wetting herself. She is elderly, she's had a nice life with a good family. I think the kindest thing would be putting her to sleep. Her other choices are spending her remaining years in the same rooms of a house or sitting in a shelter until she's put down.