AIBU to be really annoyed with dh about pool safety?

[Lj85mamma]

I'm so angry with dh! We're on holiday with dd (3) and ds (1) in the pool, I'm holding Ds on the steps and dh is supposed to be supervising dd, they are walking out of the pool up the steps, she slips and plunges underwater while dh is gazing idly around. I scream at him he realises and pulls her up. Fuming. Go to the kids slide, I say its too big, dd wants to so dh let's her, hhe comes down and head goes under water again, she comes up coughing and extremely upset. Go to real baby baby pool dd3 nearly pulls dd1 underwater (again under husbands watch as I've just put him on the baby slide) I scream at dh and he stops her. I am livid with him and we leave pool. Lectured him about secondary drowning he thinks I'm overreacting. I wont sleep tonight.

The slipping and falling underwater I can understand

The slide thing on the other hand is just one of those things. They learn to keep their mouths shut and hold their breath eventually

Secondary drowning is incredibly rare. If you worry about that every time they go in water, they would never swim

I would be fuming. Drowning, specifically my kids drowning is my ultimate fear so it may be hard for me to judge but at 1 and 3 (I'm assuming they can't swim) they really need to be watched closely.

I'm assuming she didn't have arm bands or a vest on? If not, why not?

Yes your DH should supervise properly around water though and I'd be cross too

She had vest on but it didn't stop her head going under

At that age my kids would always have worn armbands or a flotation jacket. Obviously still need very close supervision while wearing but would have cut out most of your drama.

None of that sounds that bad, It is normal to get your head under water on slides and while swimming. Do you think your daughter's upset was made worse by your reaction?

If she's got a vest on what's the issue?

I've never heard of secondary drowning except on here. I think you've been reading too much MN.

Do you expect your DD's head not to go in the water at all?

I'm a bit confused by your post tbh as I presumed she wasn't wearing arm bands or anything. Now you say she is and I'm reading it back wondering where your anxiety is coming from.

You're overreacting. Let them enjoy the pool without lecturing.

Blmey…. In my family we all get dropped in the pool at about 6 months, we go down, we come back up, we can all swim! Same with my DS

YABU and I think you need to calm down and apologise to your DH!

Pretty sure my DD spent more time underwater than overwater at that age. By choice. You're overreacting.

YABU for screaming. Thats a huge overreaction and you'll end up giving your DC a complex about being in the water, plus seem like you're over-reacting and DH will end up being desensitised for if there ever was an emergency.

Why not just talk to him sensibly, asking for him to be more vigilant as you are worried.

Sounds like your DD just simply learnt about waterslides!

In the baby swim classes I take my Nanny-Baby too, they're all swooped under the water - he's four months old!

A really big part of learning to swim is learning to hold your breath/not panic if you get splashed in the face or duck underwater, and to "blow the bubbles" immediately afterwards to get control of your breathing again. Do they do swimming lessons? This has been part of lessons even for really tiny babies ime.
I agree that your DH should have been more aware of your DD slipping (but going up the steps she was well within her depth and could easily get her face up and out of the water herself, not like at the deep end?) but the slide is designed to splash into the water and your husband stopped the sibling interaction before anyone went under at all.

I think you are about to make your children scared of water. Slipping, going under and so on is a normal part of kiddie swimming. Of course you need to be vigilant but it sounds like you are being over-anxious.

You sound like a delight to go on holiday with

to be fair OP you sound a little hysterical - calm down a bit - you are all on holiday

I'm with you Op, sounds like he should be watching them more closely. I would say, however, try to stay calm & not scream as otherwise you will give them a fear of water.

Oh dear. Going underwater is just what happens at the pool, OP. My DS is the same age as your DD and is used to jumping in, diving for dive sticks, ending up underwater at the end of the slide, etc...I really think your panic is doing more harm than good.

Are you usually this anxious? I think you really should relax and try to enjoy your holiday.

You sound rather hysterical.

To clarify, she was wearing a vest, I didn't actually scream (appreciate I wrote that) I just shouted loud enough for dh to hear as baby aged 1 was about to get dragged underwater, and who will just standby and do nothing while that happens?! And I was quite frazzled after water slide incident, as I didn't actually mention it left dd3 with a cut on the side of her face from the stone floor. They've never had swimming lessons which I deeply regret and I know babies go underwater yes but up to eight months they have a reflex that stops them taking in water they lose this after about 8 months apparently. I tried to explain to my three year old about holding her breath but she doesn't really get it.

I would think your dh is pretty angry with you. Do you really feel he doesn't care about your children's safety? You sound very hard work. Try calming down. Your dc are fine but they won't enjoy the water if you spend the whole time freaking out. Just pull them out and give them a hug.

You're going at this all wrong.

Round here proper lessons don't start until 4. Before that it's all about being confident in the water, getting splashed, head under etc.

My three yr old is fearless and swims underwater. She swallows half the pool but loves it.

I agree you're just just going to give your kids a complex. If you can't be relaxed around water I'd go and do something else with the baby while DD and DH enjoy it.

So DD slips on the steps. Perfectly normal. She was not out of her depth, and it doesn't sound like you gave DH much time to react.

DD got a face full of water on a water slide. This is totally ordinary and part of the fun of slides. She was upset. Again, not at all unusual for small children. If she hated it then don't do it again for a while. Equally, she could have loved it. She wouldn't know until she tried it, and she wanted to have a go. DH was not being unreasonable.

I don't really understand the last part. DD nearly grabs DS in the baby pool? Again, not an unusual situation, and screaming at DH seems quite unreasonable. She hadn't even grabbed him and you were screaming and livid at DH and now unable to sleep?! I hope there is some hyperbole going on here.

There is such a thing as 'secondary drowning' where water is inhaled onto the lungs and affects breathing or causes infection hours later.

However, to calm your fears, it only occurs after a person has been underwater for several minutes and has had a near drowning experience.
It sounds as though your daughter was underwater for less than a second or two.

Symptoms would be a limp, lethargic child soon after the incident, blue lips and repeated attempts at coughing something up or a high temperature.
I hope that helps you feel less anxious.