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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be really annoyed with dh about pool safety?

45 replies

Lj85mamma · 18/09/2016 17:00

I'm so angry with dh! We're on holiday with dd (3) and ds (1) in the pool, I'm holding Ds on the steps and dh is supposed to be supervising dd, they are walking out of the pool up the steps, she slips and plunges underwater while dh is gazing idly around. I scream at him he realises and pulls her up. Fuming. Go to the kids slide, I say its too big, dd wants to so dh let's her, hhe comes down and head goes under water again, she comes up coughing and extremely upset. Go to real baby baby pool dd3 nearly pulls dd1 underwater (again under husbands watch as I've just put him on the baby slide) I scream at dh and he stops her. I am livid with him and we leave pool. Lectured him about secondary drowning he thinks I'm overreacting. I wont sleep tonight.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lj85mamma · 18/09/2016 19:48

She had hold of his legs and was dragging him, so yes she did have hold of him. But ok I take your points, it might have over acted.

OP posts:

Dreamfoil · 18/09/2016 19:53

I was terrified of taking DS to a water park after the depiction of secondary drowning in "The Affair" because it was implied that the victim had none of those symptoms and was deemed fine by a medical professional - so that's quite reassuring to me as well, Nineties, thank you.

Hope it helps you too OP

Littlecaf · 18/09/2016 20:19

How about some swimming lessons for DD3 and your DH can take her? Then you might solve three problems - get your DD used to water and your DH water safety and you some confidence in both of them? To go the whole hog, you could do some first aid courses then you'll know what to do if there ever was a serious accident.

I appreciate some people are nervous around water, perhaps taking steps to ensure you are all happy might help you all enjoy holidays in the future.

A11TheSmallTh1ngs · 18/09/2016 20:31

You need to get them lessons or at least take them to the pool a few times to give them some confidence.

hardtopinpoint · 18/09/2016 20:46

Sounds like they've got plenty of confidence!

85j · 18/09/2016 22:56

I'm slightly reluctant to post this in case I get a load of abuse again, while I accept I've probably overreacted today I do think it is important to share this article about secondary drowning. Some of you may think I'm "hysterical" "over- wrought" and "hard work" but I still think you should have a read of this- www.today.com/health/toddlers-near-fatal-secondary-drowning-warning-parents-2D79738995.

Motherfuckers · 19/09/2016 03:35

Why the name change?
It is very very rare. This article points out that children can aspirate on food/drink also. Is your husband allowed to feed your children?

LunaLoveg00d · 19/09/2016 07:40

I always wondered why some children were mega-confident around water and happy to put faces in the pool or get their heads wet, and why some children shriek, cry and cling to their parents.

Now I know! OP you are being completely neurotic. Stop the "screaming" at everyone and get over yourself.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 19/09/2016 07:45

Why have you namechanged?
And no one "abused" you.
Blimey

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 19/09/2016 08:42

I don't think you're hysterical but I do think you need to be rational about your fears of drowning.

The child in your example was left on some pool steps without armbands and got swept into a pool with a current. His mum found him at the other end of the pool, underwater.
That is completely different to a child plunging under the water from a slide, for example. A small amount of water can be easily coughed up with no adverse effects.

In a case of secondary drowning, the level of oxygen in the body drops over time because there is a significant amount of water in the lungs. It's very rare. You can notice if someone's oxygen levels are dropping, there are clear symptoms.

I would advise explaining to your husband before you go swimming that you feel very anxious when the children are in the water so he is aware of how you feel or why you might panic.
It's sensible to be vigilant but if you both accompany your children and they have armbands or similar then there is minimal risk.

Try to trust your husband with keeping the children safe and enjoy your holiday!

Soubriquet · 19/09/2016 09:00

Where did anyone abuse you?

All they pointed out was that you are being a bit hysterical

Dry drowning counts for 1 death a year out of every drowning victim

That is how rare it is

My 18 month old plunged under the water last week.

It was a pool you could walk into and he kept pushing my hands off him and fighting me. So I let go. 2 seconds later he immediately fell under water where I was there to bring him straight back up.

He coughed a bit and looked a bit shocked but he was fine and he didn't fight me again

If I had panicked, I could have made him petrified of water. As it stood he still loves going swimming

LittleLionMansMummy · 19/09/2016 09:05

I think you need a little perspective op. From your initial description I assumed your 3yo dd wasn't wearing a buoyancy aid. She was, so she'd have been under water for a second or two - she didn't fall from a great height. If your dd wants to go on slides you should encourage it, it's how they learn what their boundaries and limits are. She sounds mega confident, which you're in danger of thwarting at present. Sure, there's a way of teaching a healthy respect for the power and dangers of water, but shouting at people isn't the way. 5yo ds sounds like your dd. He's a real water baby and this year swam 15 metres without armbands (and without having had swimming lesson) for the first time precisely because he is so confident in the water and a little water in his face isn't a problem to him. We've always just been guided by him, haven't pushed him to do things he wasn't happy to, made him aware of risks as you would do out of the water and if he's felt willing to try something, allowed him to do so but been there to quickly retrieve him if he struggles. Dry drowning happens of course, but they need to have been submerged for quite some time. Even then, a few hours close supervision before you allow them to go to sleep is sufficient to mitigate the risks.

a7mints · 19/09/2016 09:12

you do understand 'getting water up your nose' is not the same as inhaling it into your lungs?

85j · 19/09/2016 09:18

Appreciate you all taking the time to comment so thank you

KoalaDownUnder · 19/09/2016 10:53

You're going at this all wrong. Round here proper lessons don't start until 4. Before that it's all about being confident in the water, getting splashed, head under etc.

Exactly this.

This is how we all learned to swim - by playing around in the water (supervised!) with our heads going under occasionally!

You really need to chill, OP, or you'll make them terrified of water.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 19/09/2016 11:13

Abuse? Ffs...

shinynewusername · 19/09/2016 11:25

Agree with PPs. You are going to end up with two DC who are afraid of putting their heads under the water which will stop them learning to swim properly and put them at risk of actually drowning. No wonder your DD was freaked out after the slide if you are teaching her that something terrible is going to happen if her head goes under (whether you actually screamed or not, she will have been able to read your reaction).

Aspiration pneumonia from "secondary drowning" (misleading term) is incredibly rare in healthy young people.

PinkissimoAndPearls · 19/09/2016 12:13

Do you feel a bit anxious generally, OP? I was a bit like this when mine were little, although my worry was head injuries. I think it came from DD1 banging her head on the wall whilst little and being silly, we had woodchip and she had the impression in her forehead for days (I can smile now).

DH used to call me The Hoverer as I literally hovered when they were playing (especially active stuff like soft play). He used to get fed up with me saying "careful!" "Oh watch out!" "Oh! Watch her head" every ten seconds, he explained it made him feel as though I didn't trust him or think he was competent.

It can be really really hard not to worry, and not to pass this on to everyone around you. If you're feeling a bit anxious generally it might be worth chatting to your GP or health visitor? I'm the type of person who likes to be in control/in charge and it took me a while to "let go" of the DC. If you could perhaps encourage your DH to have sole charge and actively make the effort to relax yourself (I know that sounds opposite!) it might help?

What actually also helped me was (this sounds awful) the DC next door had an accident (lots of blood) and their mother ran to my DH for help, he called an ambulance, did some first aid and calmed the mother. The DC was fine, btw Knowing that if there was an accident that DH would actually cope better than me helped immensely.

There's also a bit of truth in the "first child made of glass, second plastic and third rubber" as well. As the first one got the usual childhood knocks I came to realise that it was normal and you have to let them go and trust them, and your partner just to get on with life.

LikeDylanInTheMovies · 19/09/2016 12:25

about to get dragged underwater

I assume she was swimming in a still and calm swimming pool and not in a force 12 gale in the middle of the North Atlantic. This sort of needlessly melodramatic language doesn't help.

Abuse? Ffs...

The op wasn't abused, she just didn't get the answer she was looking for. This is more and more prevalent on Mumsnet of late. Not liking the answer and then claiming that they are being bullied and all the other posters are vile.

Topseyt · 19/09/2016 13:50

People putting different opinions and pointing out that you overreacted is not abuse.

You and your DH were properly supervising your children in the pool. They were wearing buoyancy aids too. Absolutely nothing you describe is at all unusual.

It is easy to get a little over anxious when very young children go underwater, but with a buoyancy aid on and parents to lift them out as necessary then serious problems are not too likely.

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