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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can this be forced on me?

90 replies

gardenangels · 18/09/2016 08:48

STBXH suddenly wants 50/50. He is going to drag out financials over 2 years deliberately until children all left home. This means due to my age I will only have a few years to get a mortgage.

I want to move on now and myself and children don't want to continue living in the marital home. I cant afford to live in it or maintain it. We need a fresh start. Can we all move out into rented?

He lives with OW who has a house equity and an income.

OP posts:
limon · 18/09/2016 08:50

I would be very wary of simoly moving oit with yout children - people are usually advised against this.

Is he paying child support?

It may be in the best interest of your children to be with both parents 50% of the time.

How would you like to see your children less than 50% of the time?

Original poster
gardenangels · 18/09/2016 08:52

He sees them once a year. His choice.

OP posts:
Original poster
gardenangels · 18/09/2016 08:53

50/50 is financial settlement

OP posts:
FathomsDeep · 18/09/2016 08:55

Are you getting legal advice from a solicitor? You must do this. I would urge you to stay put in the marital home in the meantime.

limon · 18/09/2016 08:56

Ah! You need to go to mediation.

Why would financial settlement be anything other than 50/50? That's always the starting point.

user97billionand3 · 18/09/2016 08:57

I would take the 50:50 so it goes through ASAP. Get CSA or whatever they are called now on board so if he doesn't pay the maintenance it can come from his half.

BewtySkoolDropowt · 18/09/2016 08:57

So you don't want 50/50? What do you want?

I know people get told not to move out. I did. Best damn thing I did.

Only you can decide if it would be the right thing for you. Every situation is different.

londonrach · 18/09/2016 08:58

I think what ow has isn't relevant. You need to talk to a lawyer op but i wouldnt move out of the house till its settled. Think you start at 50:50. How old the children

Lunchboxlewiswillyoumarryme · 18/09/2016 09:00

If you can afford do ,move and rent .put it up for sale..what's to stop him and ow moving in thou???

EarthboundMisfit · 18/09/2016 09:00

What do you want if not 50/50?

Misselthwaite · 18/09/2016 09:01

Get legal advice. We don't know your situation but 50 50 isn't always fair. If you've sacrificed your own earning potential and supported him to enhance his then you need more than 50%. Particularly if you're older and nearer retirement. See a solicitor please.

Catsize · 18/09/2016 09:07

Once a year? Sad. Wow.

mamas12 · 18/09/2016 09:10

Go to a solicitor a shit hot one who understands family law
Decide what you want/need and get the ball rolling today
You could probably put the house up for sale straightaway depending on certain factors but we do t know all your circs so speak to a solicitor now

Original poster
gardenangels · 18/09/2016 09:11

What ow has is relevant he is housed and needs less.

He earns double what I do and I only have 15 years to retirement. I could not house the children on 50/50 due to income and age.

Solicitor said judge would not agree to 50/50 due to factors above and would expect 60/40 at least. He thinks he can slow down financials so that when it gets to court there will only be children at university.

OP posts:
FathomsDeep · 18/09/2016 09:12

A 50/50 split is usually the starting point for a financial settlement. You may get more if you can prove that you supported his career to the detriment of your own or if you have not worked at all for a long time or are near retirement age. What do you think would be a fair split of the finances? You really do need to seek legal advice.

FathomsDeep · 18/09/2016 09:12

X posted.

Lunar1 · 18/09/2016 09:15

How old are your children? It sounds like late teens from your post. If that's the case wouldn't it be up to them?

Original poster
gardenangels · 18/09/2016 09:17

I have had legal advice she said 60/40 at least.

I can't afford to go to court as the house is so expensive to maintain.

I can't buy anywhere else as live in an expensive part of country and have 3 children to house.

Nisi due any day can I force financials to go through quickly?

OP posts:
FamousGBBOGoOnAnAdventure · 18/09/2016 09:24

Get a good family lawyer. I did and got everything after he'd paid off the small mortgage.

WhateverWillBe · 18/09/2016 09:24

What ow has is relevant he is housed and needs less

I think YABU. What if him and ow split up? Him living with a partner shouldn't mean he gets a lower % IMO.

RealityCheque · 18/09/2016 09:25

He is being an arse to a degree as you are both liable for the mortgage on the family home.

And his OWs wealth is NOT relevant AT ALL to your financial split, as much as you may like it to be.

Original poster
gardenangels · 18/09/2016 09:27

It does matter according to solicitor plus she says assets are divided on a need basis not want basis. If he splits up with her he would only need a 2 bedroom place as children would never visit him as he has disengaged from them totally

OP posts:
MrsHulk · 18/09/2016 09:29

Honestly don't think at all about what OW has. It's not relevant, and is only going to make you more angry and stressed.

It sounds like you have a lawyer on board already, so you just have to follow their advice. You can either agree to the settlement your ex is proposing, or you can choose to fight it but risk that taking longer. Ultimately it's a decision about whether you want a clean break now (and are willing to sacrifice some cash to get it) or whether you want to fight for more money (and risk being older and in a worse overall position if/when you do get it).

I'm not sure anybody here can tell you what's best for you and your children.

Original poster
gardenangels · 18/09/2016 09:33

50/50 would not give me a clean break as I would not be able to house children. No judge is going to agree to that.

OP posts:
Jessbow · 18/09/2016 09:35

If he ha an equally hot solicitor, they will simply advise moving out from wherever he is sharing with OW, if its 'needs not want ' basis.

With the age the the children sound to be, ( ie verging n non dependant) I'd be very surprised if you get more than 50/50.