Can this be forced on me?

[gardenangels]

STBXH suddenly wants 50/50. He is going to drag out financials over 2 years deliberately until children all left home. This means due to my age I will only have a few years to get a mortgage.

I want to move on now and myself and children don't want to continue living in the marital home. I cant afford to live in it or maintain it. We need a fresh start. Can we all move out into rented?

He lives with OW who has a house equity and an income.

BewtySkoolDropowt

If all you have to offer this thread is smug "I'm a better parent than you because of a common-or-garden phrase you used in passing," you might be better off elsewhere.

I suggested 55/45 but he refused.

Who said he had been paying for years? He has not! CM only

It went on for years as it took me years to save for a lawyer.

Was there really any need to try to make the OP feel like shit Bewty?

Responsibility/burden - semantics. Particularly as they are synonymous. You don't appear to understand the actual definition of 'burden'. Def. 'A load which is very heavy.' Sole financial responsibility for three children. Yep - meets that criteria.

I am a parent - sometimes my financial responsibilities feel like a massive burden. Usually when I am struggling with something, or when I am under severe pressure. You know, like the OP is currently - with her nisi due any day, no idea if she has any future financial stability, all year to year care of THREE children who their father deigns to see once a year. I can't imagine why that might feel a bit like a burden occasionally.

Picking on ONE word and using it to have an unnecessary dig at someone who is already clearly struggling says far more about you than that one word amidst hundreds of others does about the OP.

While paying all the bills for the children and paying for repairs to an old house on my own.

Who said he had been paying for years?

Who's been paying the mortgage on the house?
(assuming there has been a mortgage)

Me and everything else. I have no real quality of life while trapped like this.

Me and everything else. I have no real quality of life while trapped like this

If you've been paying the mortgage and everything else - then I am not sure that 50/50 seems fair - given what little he's contributed.

But I would suggest Gingerbread etc is the place to go.

How has he 'justified' 50/50 of the house value?

OP be guided by your solicitor, who understands your situation. They should be advising you regarding the next steps to take. Some of the advice to you on this thread is incorrect.

I chose solicitor as she was recommended very highly and has been trying to reach a fair and equitable out of court settlement for both of us that a judge will see as fair. She said 50/50 would not be seen as fair in my circumstances and I would not be able to say that I had not been coerced into agreement if asked.

You need to spend the money on the solicitor, it will pay you back.

Of course he can't get a 50/50 split when you are the one who has been paying the mortgage for years. That won't change when they go to uni, it will just be more years in your favour.

You can't stop the selfish bastard doing everything he can to drag it out though.

It's tough to know what to do for the best right now, but I suspect you have no option but to stay in the house until, it's sorted, I'd think anything else would put you at a disadvantage. But perhaphs your solicitor could make some suggestions.

Surely he doesn't get half the house?! He should get half of the value of the equity on the day he stopped paying the mortgage. I sure as hell wouldn't be giving him half of the equity that I had paid off on my own.

Right, I mean this nicely, I promise.

Fuck what he thinks. Its what the court thinks that matters. Your solicitor is an investment in your future. Now go make a brew and put on your big girl, take no shit pants.

Make a list of everything he has contributed to the house since he left. Even I'd he bought a screw put that on the list.

Make a list of everything you have paid towards the house since he left.

Get your documents in order. Mortgage statements, repair bills, everything.

Book mediation.

Book a valuation for the house and work out how much equity there is.

Decide how much you need as a minimum, ask for 20% more so there is room for negotiations.

Take control of the process, this is your life, don't be a passenger. I know parenting and the additional responsibility has ground you down, but you can do it. Stop being nice, he doesn't give a fuck. If he drags it out the courts will take a very dim view of him.

When did he stop paying the mortgage?

Please go and have a good root around the wiki force website as you will get more accurate advice than you are getting here. Children at uni are considered in need of housing, for example, so don't let that you worry you. He can string things out but make a decision to follow the process, ask solicitor to help you keep costs down and be determined.

Wikivorce

You say you need a mortgage in an expensive area to house all 3 children so that's why you need more than 50%. But his side might well argue that you can downsize or move to another area, especially with one at uni. It's entirely possible a judge might rule 50/50.

My Hs exW did similar only she rushed everything though before the DC left full time education. She got 75% on premise of providing a home for DC, then moved 400miles away and left them with nowhere to go and us in a tiny rented property with no means to support them.
Follow solicitors advice but I would think your position would be similar to hers in terms of financial award.

OP I think you need to get your solicitor to explain things better
If he has stopped paying the mortgage and maintenance then he will a reduced claim on the house

There are too many factors here to ask you about but you sound like you need clarification from the solicitor who has knowledge of all the personal circumstances

Please please do not take the advice of anybody on this thread unless that advice is use your Solisitor.

Your Solisitor is correct.

It is not correct that his living circumstances do not matter and it is not correct that uni kids are not considered, perhaps people want it to be but its not

Are you working? With child tax credits if you're a low earner and housing benefit you should be able to house the children

I can't move too far from where we are now due to schools. Also all my life is here and all my anchors.

Moving 25 miles away would reduce quality of life further and cause problems for my work to the extent I would have to leave my job.

Not sure how I can rush things through. Can you choose which divorce court?