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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Can this be forced on me?

90 replies

gardenangels · 18/09/2016 08:48

STBXH suddenly wants 50/50. He is going to drag out financials over 2 years deliberately until children all left home. This means due to my age I will only have a few years to get a mortgage.

I want to move on now and myself and children don't want to continue living in the marital home. I cant afford to live in it or maintain it. We need a fresh start. Can we all move out into rented?

He lives with OW who has a house equity and an income.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 18/09/2016 12:32

You really need to discuss this more with your solicitor.

arethereanyleftatall · 18/09/2016 12:40

The sad fact of the matter is that when you divorce, something has to give. 2 people contributing to one household, changes To same 2 people contributing to 2. That costs more.
So, downsizing, location, working more hours etc

arethereanyleftatall · 18/09/2016 12:45

Also, you mooted 55/45. We don't know the values you're talking, but would that make a massive difference, or is it just the principal?

Original poster

gardenangels · 18/09/2016 12:51

55/45 would allow me to top up via mortgage so I could move on and provide for my children while at home and at uni.

OP posts:

Avengerhart85 · 18/09/2016 13:01

Point out you are entitled to a share of his pension, that might wake him up a little bit

A11TheSmallTh1ngs · 18/09/2016 13:05

Why are you asking AIBU?

Post on legal matters or ask your solicitor!

Bogeyface · 18/09/2016 13:25

I was about to mention the pension when someone else did. Telling him that you will not go after his pension if he signs the house over to you may be a good starting point to negotiate from. Something like "If you insist on taking 50% of the house equity then you leave me no choice but to claim half of you pension" and watch him shit himself.

Original poster

gardenangels · 18/09/2016 15:49

Unfortunately pension won't help in this situation

OP posts:

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 18/09/2016 15:57

The OW is only relevant in that he currently is sharing bills.

That is all. Her income etc is not taken into consideration.

You may be getting legal advice saying 60/40 he maybe getting advice saying 50/50.

As pp have said, you can either accept the 50/50 or continue to negotiate.

Bogeyface · 18/09/2016 16:05

TheFormidableMrsC's OW (well not hers but ykwim) had to declare her financial situation because her ex claimed to be fully supporting OW and her son despite her owning a business. The OW's income can be relevant and examined in court if the ex uses OW to claim that he has greater financial need than he in fact has, as happened in MrsC's case. So it isnt correct to say that her income in irrelevant, each case is different and a judge can insist on full financial disclosure of all parties involved.

summercoldssuck · 18/09/2016 21:23

Fathoms they do insist on knowing. My dp has to declare my earnings/savings/assets during his divorce and as I said above his exw cheated. I came along after they had split but before financials were settled

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 18/09/2016 21:55

So it isnt correct to say that her income in irrelevant, each case is different and a judge can insist on full financial disclosure of all parties involved.

FormidableMrsC case wasn't straight forward however.

It is very unusual to have to disclose it.

There is space on disclosure papers for it, however it is if they know what they are etc. It usually isn't fully scrutinised and if you want full information it would need to be court ordered.

It tends to only be relevant in relation you bills being halved etc.

Bogeyface · 19/09/2016 01:56

It is more common that people think.

If a man is claiming that he needs £X in order to live independently but he is in fact sharing his living costs with someone else then their contribution will need to be disclosed. If he is claiming that he is fully supporting the OW and any children she has, then it needs to be disclosed.

It's a known dodge to get a bigger slice of the pie, but thankfully the courts know about it too, so the new partner disclosing their income is becoming more and more common. Its one of the things that cause some exes to say that they have been "screwed", when in truth they have failed to screw over their ex.

Bogeyface · 19/09/2016 02:09

Also there is often a misunderstanding that a new partners assets or income can be claimed by the ex. Thats not true, it cant. But their income/outgoings obviously affects the outgoings of the STBXS(pouse) if they are living together, so although no claim is made against them then it does make a difference to the settlement. If the STBXS has shacked up with someone with a low income but who is mortgage free with minimal bills then it will leave them with a bigger disposable income than if they were living with someone who earns a lot more yet has a massive mortgage and childcare costs.

AtSea1979 · 19/09/2016 22:39

imother I've reported you.
Why would I be smug? OP hadn't mentioned XH wasn't paying the mortgage until then. In that case fight it. But unfortunately it still comes down to why were your paying his mortgage for years? And will it be counted as rent as your were living there?

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