To think these Facebook photos and maybe the content are inappropriate (possibly triggering)

[Smartcub]

There's a couple I know, acquaintances, and they have their dgds to stay most weekends. 3 girls.

If it's relevant the children are the grandmothers sons children and stay at the grandparents during his access time while he goes out, he's not with their mum. The grandfather is a step grandfather (not the sons real dad). The grandchildren are primary school age and one is a toddler.

The grandmother posts absolutely everything on Facebook and her relationship with ex dil is very bad to non existent. They don't like each other at all.

Recently there's been loads of photos of the 3 girls in the bath. I thought I wouldn't post those especially as a grandparent but none of my business.

More recently though there are photos of the eldest girl in bed asleep with the grandad with him spooning her. He's fully clothed but she's only got her pants on. What's more is the grandmother has over 1000 friends so hardly a private page.

I'm not saying there's anything going on but a few things crossed my mind.

Is it ok for a step grandad to sleep in bed with his primary school age dgd particularly cuddled up to her in just her underwear?

Is it ok to post the photos on Facebook?

I've no doubt it's completely innocent but to me it just oversteps the grandparent relationship, I'm thinking in terms of teaching children boundaries and privacy.

There is also that niggling doubt in the back of my mind, there was some abuse that went on in my own extended family and it does make you suspicious because you know even the nicest, loveliest people can do terrible things.

I accept that all families are different again I didn't say that no children should share a bed with an adult ever.

My dc have slept in my bed, I think there comes an age when they shouldn't be in their grandparents bed with no clothes on.

OP, I agree with everything you say. Not sure why you have had a hard time on this thread. I would make contact with the kid's mum and just ask is she ok with what is happening. If she is, then you need have no further involvement.

FWIW, I would not be ok with a male non-blood or blood relative sleeping in the same bed as a partially clothed 9yo. Full stop. And I don't give two shits if that makes me a judgemental prude.

FWIW, I would not be ok with a male non-blood or blood relative sleeping in the same bed as a partially clothed 9yo. Full stop. And I don't give two shits if that makes me a judgemental prude

I agree.

Smartcub I have just read your first post, no you aren't being unreasonable, the pictures that you've described do sound very very inappropriate.

Hasn't anyone else commented on them?

Agreed. Probably 'harmless' between the SGD and GD but hardly appropriate and the girl should not have semi nude photos of herself plastered all over social media.

I agree entirely with everything AnyFucker said.

My niece was abused by her step grandfather when her father left her with him, on her contact weekends. Turns out he's also abused other little girls, and he's now in prison after pleading guilty to all charges. So it's not impossible and I think YANBU to be aware this kind of thing happens.

I just wonder how many of these "sweet" family photos have been explained away as harmless and if people raise an eyebrow they are jumped upon.

I would take no reassurance by the fact they have been posted publicly. Some very bad people like to hide in plain sight. I am sure we all know the high profile example of that in recent years.

Point very well made AnyFucker.

Rather raise an eyebrow than bury my head.

It's shit, isn't it ? But a fact of life

Did you say GM has 1000 Facebook friends but no one ever comments? Who are these silent spectators she is sharing photos of semi nude children with?

The photos and the bed sharing you describe are both totally inappropriate to me.

She posts every day but no one hardly ever comments. Yes she's got over 1000 friends. For example I'm her Facebook friend, she's added some of my family that she's never met but were part of a Facebook group. So perhaps she just adds anyone and everyone.

She literally posts everything, everyday, checks in everywhere she goes, she's always had some kind of dispute with someone in the supermarket or a neighbour or ranting about her ex dil. She's always trying to sell some ropey old furniture.

But no, despite all this hardly anyone ever engages with her.

I won't say how exactly I came to know her but it requires that I remain civil with her. She's never said a cross word to me and loads of her photos are of her taking the dgds on lovely days out and things she's bought them.

It's only recently I've noticed a few like in the bath and then these ones.

I just wonder how many of these "sweet" family photos have been explained away as harmless and if people raise an eyebrow they are jumped upon.

I had to anonymously report someone in quite a senior gov position when I became aware of inappropriate photographs of children on a laptop. He had a Facebook page plastered with photos of one of the children who was obviously a family member. Hiding in plain sight has happened and does happen.

Even if this isn't the case, op I understand the many issues you have. From your own experience, to the lack of privacy and the question of the fathers presence. Also the public dressing down of the children's mother.

I'd report the photos for sure.

Who would you report photos to though?

what are you concerned about?

I think taking photos of people when they are asleep is pretty invasive in any case. My parents took a picture of me, my sister and one of my parents' friends' dd when we were asleep upstairs at a party. I hated that picture. And that was just 3 children, all wearing nighties.

Throw in semi-nakedness, a non-related adult and posting to all and sundry on social media and the whole thing sounds horrible.

And she's nine! I had tits when I was nine. She's a long way from being a baby.

Photos of sleeping semi naked little girls resulted in police questioning of a man in our village. Back in the days of film processing at Boots. Turned out he had plenty of questionable material and went to prison in the end.

Extremely inappropriate, OP. Children have a right to privacy and not to have photos of them displayed without (presumably) their knowledge to 1,000 strangers, anyone of whom, one imagines, could share it with their contacts.

I think it's completely out of order on both counts

I don't think people should post any photos of anyone but themselves on FB unless they are fully dressed and looking civilised.

Some friends recently had a baby and aren't posting any pics at all on FB. Private photos are shared via other methods to close family and friends. That's how it should be for everyone I think.

I would not like someone to post photos on Facebook of my nine year old asleep in just pants. If it was my ex Mil who hated me I would feel like I couldn't talk them to ask them to stop. I would be very unhappy.
I would not like my ex's step father to be spooning my nine year old in bed.

(History of abuse in my family too though.)

Op I think it's weird too! YANBU in my opinion, I've seen similar things and found them to be very creepy. No, close relationships don't signal abuse, but you're right that children(and adults) should be modelled appropriate behaviour.

I wouldn't be happy with my parents/inlaws posting pictures like that on fb for everyone to see - I barely post pictures of my dc on my own fb page and definitely not unclothed. I would imagine the gm ex dil wouldn't be at all happy.

Of course it's dodgy - am baffled by the responses

Regardless of step granddad it's 1000 shades of dysfunctional

• dad can't be bothered to look after them
• gran is clueless enough to post inappropriate photos on social media

Yup red flags for me

Photos of older men "spooning" with little (asleep) children is inappropriate no matter what the relationship etc. The lack of "likes" on FB speaks volumes, gross.

FWIW, I would not be ok with a male non-blood or blood relative sleeping in the same bed as a partially clothed 9yo. Full stop. And I don't give two shits if that makes me a judgemental prude

^^ this with bells on.

I'm always amazed on threads like these how many people trot out the lines 'I've known them for ages / since birth, I trust them implicitly, I know them inside out' blah blah blah - it's high time people realised that the vast majority of abuse is carried out by a close friend / family member Not complete strangers and that part of the abuse process is to groom the parents / guardians into trusting them so that no doubt or suspicion arises!

Seriously you can't trust anyone 100% and if in any doubt then concerns should be reported because your tiny bit of information could add a large and relevant piece to an incomplete puzzle and possibly save a child from abuse - everyone has a responsibility to help safeguard children.

OP I think you need to report this to the authorities.. It's just not right, it makes me wonder what is going on behind closed doors!