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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think these Facebook photos and maybe the content are inappropriate (possibly triggering)

129 replies

Smartcub · 18/09/2016 00:04

There's a couple I know, acquaintances, and they have their dgds to stay most weekends. 3 girls.

If it's relevant the children are the grandmothers sons children and stay at the grandparents during his access time while he goes out, he's not with their mum. The grandfather is a step grandfather (not the sons real dad). The grandchildren are primary school age and one is a toddler.

The grandmother posts absolutely everything on Facebook and her relationship with ex dil is very bad to non existent. They don't like each other at all.

Recently there's been loads of photos of the 3 girls in the bath. I thought I wouldn't post those especially as a grandparent but none of my business.

More recently though there are photos of the eldest girl in bed asleep with the grandad with him spooning her. He's fully clothed but she's only got her pants on. What's more is the grandmother has over 1000 friends so hardly a private page.

I'm not saying there's anything going on but a few things crossed my mind.

Is it ok for a step grandad to sleep in bed with his primary school age dgd particularly cuddled up to her in just her underwear?

Is it ok to post the photos on Facebook?

I've no doubt it's completely innocent but to me it just oversteps the grandparent relationship, I'm thinking in terms of teaching children boundaries and privacy.

There is also that niggling doubt in the back of my mind, there was some abuse that went on in my own extended family and it does make you suspicious because you know even the nicest, loveliest people can do terrible things.

OP posts:
kali110 · 18/09/2016 00:57

But it would be going for 'real' granddad to post pics on fb?
( as loadsssss of parents and grandparents do everyday)

Original poster
Smartcub · 18/09/2016 00:57

Watcher well he was asleep as was the girl. He doesn't have a Facebook page it's his partner (the GM) that posts all the photos with jokey captions that she's kicked out of her own bed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Smartcub · 18/09/2016 01:02

No Paul I quite clearly said two things.

Whether it was appropriate to post the photos

Whether it was appropriate for a girl to be sleeping in her granddads bed in her pants being spooned by him.

I said it might be relevant that he's step grandad.

Btw I have a son similar age to this girl and I wouldn't want his grandad to sleep like this with him.

OP posts:
WatcherOfTheNight · 18/09/2016 01:06

Personally I wouldn't post pics like that anyhow but then I am a very private person.
Also I think it depends his long SGF has been In the children's lives,my DC have only ever known their "step" GF as Bampy so they have a a grandfather & that's that he's always been there & he loves them.
Blood doesn't come into it.

WatcherOfTheNight · 18/09/2016 01:10

*how not his!

Smart if you are worried then there is nothing wrong with asking,I understand that.
It's hard sometimes to work out what upsets us because of our own circumstance & what might be a warning sign.

Original poster
Smartcub · 18/09/2016 01:20

I just think even if it is all entirely innocent (which it no doubt is)). It's not going to teach the girls boundaries to have them sleeping like this. Outside of her own mum and dad.

The gm massively over shares everything which is how I know her and ex dil can't stand each other.

OP posts:
kittymamma · 18/09/2016 01:25

My mum tells me that our generation is a little over the top with privacy of children in her opinion. She does however respect this and go along with my wishes.

So GPs aren't doing anything wrong by their standards but I would go absolutely mad if this was my children. I caused minor offense to my inlaws when I got irritated with them and responded with a firm "no" when they tried to take a picture of my son at nappy change with his willy out (he was 3 weeks old at the time). My mum said I needed to apologise as it was a generational thing and explain myself so they understood my boundaries.

My point being, that this really is none of your business however I wouldn't want to see this on my fb feed. If the mum has a problem with it she should take it up with the gp and she has every right to.

WatcherOfTheNight · 18/09/2016 01:27

If you feel that strongly about it then I would speak to the mum.
She may be blocked if she & the father are separated?

FluffyPineapple · 18/09/2016 01:29

YANBU. I wouldn't be happy if I thought my dad was "spooning" my dd in her nightclothes never mind pants. Why is your dd in the same bed as her granddad? That alone would be good enough reason for you to ban contact with her grandparents. Maybe you should discuss this with SS r Childrens Guardian (If you have one) just to be certain it doesn't happen again

JaneJefferson · 18/09/2016 01:31

I don't think it is ok to post pictures as the OP describes. The children are entitled to more privacy.

kali110 · 18/09/2016 01:32

Omg ss for gc sleeping in beds with gp? Grin my god.
I used to get in the bed with my dad and share a bed with my aunt when i stayed with her when i was young!

FluffyPineapple · 18/09/2016 01:32

YANBU. I wouldn't be happy if I thought my dad was "spooning" my dd in her nightclothes never mind pants. Why is your dd in the same bed as her granddad? That alone would be good enough reason for you to ban contact with her grandparents. Maybe you should discuss this with SS r Childrens Guardian (If you have one) just to be certain it doesn't happen again

IveGotCheese · 18/09/2016 01:37

OP I agree with you, I think it's inappropriate. If I saw photos of my ex's step dad cuddled up in bed with Dd who was just in her knickers, I would not be happy at all.

TheLastHeatwave · 18/09/2016 01:39

What a load of clap trap.

I used to sleep with my grandparents at any possible opportunity, well into going up to the senior school. We probably only stopped because there was no longer enough room for all of us to sleep comfortably, or it might have been when my Grandad got cancer.

It would not have made one iota of difference if my grandad was my biological grandad or not I loved HIM, not his blood.

It would not have mattered what I was, or wasn't, wearing either.

My nana would have posted a photo like that on Facebook had it been invented because she loved both of us & would have thought it was lovely.

The Grandkids now all fight over whose turn it is to sleep with Nana & I'm bloody sure there'd have been as many arguments over sleeping in their bed if my Dad had still been alive.

Boundaries - yeah. Learning that you are loved, treasured & wanted. That really screws with your boundaries. Hmm

Don't be so nasty & sully other people's relationships.

DesignedForLife · 18/09/2016 01:41

YANBU about the photos, kids deserve more privacy than that. There is a court case going on at the moment where s child is suing the parents for putting too many private moment photos on Facebook. Classic overshareing for attention and likes.

The Step grand father sleeping in the same bed, I don't know. How old is the child? As a mother I'd only be happy if I really really comfortable around him. Sorry, but some things aren't worth the risk.

TheLastHeatwave · 18/09/2016 01:44

For the love of little fish. I really do hope it's just MN that's gone this batshit over perfectly normal, loving things and isn't actually a sign of the world going to hell in a handcart. It's reactions like this that really make me want to go cold turkey with MN.

Original poster
Smartcub · 18/09/2016 01:44

It wasn't even just that they were in the same bed it was the spooning (only way I can describe it) and her not in pyjamas.

How is she going to learn any privacy and personal boundaries?

I don't know their mum I only know the gps.

OP posts:
Original poster
Smartcub · 18/09/2016 01:46

The eldest girl is 9 afaik.

OP posts:
NoahVale · 18/09/2016 01:51

even still, Why do people post photos of people sleeping? how do ou know she just her underwear on, why dont they have a cover on the bed?

NoahVale · 18/09/2016 01:51

i know, come back tomorrow, in the day time

Original poster
Smartcub · 18/09/2016 01:54

Thelastheatwave that's lovely that you had that kind of relationship and memories of your GPs.

Sadly I've known a few cases of abuse close to home. It happens.

OP posts:
BasicMadeira · 18/09/2016 01:56

I agree with you Op. The sharing and the photos are inappropriate and the fact that he is a step does make a difference.

Original poster
Smartcub · 18/09/2016 01:56

Noah they just didn't have any covers, there were photos of the other girls sleeping alone with no covers on either.

OP posts:
Mynestisfullofempty · 18/09/2016 01:57

FluffyPineapple why are you replying as if the OP is the mother of the children?

SoozeyHoozey · 18/09/2016 02:01

What have people commented on the pic? Has anyone said how odd it is?