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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think these Facebook photos and maybe the content are inappropriate (possibly triggering)

129 replies

Smartcub · 18/09/2016 00:04

There's a couple I know, acquaintances, and they have their dgds to stay most weekends. 3 girls.

If it's relevant the children are the grandmothers sons children and stay at the grandparents during his access time while he goes out, he's not with their mum. The grandfather is a step grandfather (not the sons real dad). The grandchildren are primary school age and one is a toddler.

The grandmother posts absolutely everything on Facebook and her relationship with ex dil is very bad to non existent. They don't like each other at all.

Recently there's been loads of photos of the 3 girls in the bath. I thought I wouldn't post those especially as a grandparent but none of my business.

More recently though there are photos of the eldest girl in bed asleep with the grandad with him spooning her. He's fully clothed but she's only got her pants on. What's more is the grandmother has over 1000 friends so hardly a private page.

I'm not saying there's anything going on but a few things crossed my mind.

Is it ok for a step grandad to sleep in bed with his primary school age dgd particularly cuddled up to her in just her underwear?

Is it ok to post the photos on Facebook?

I've no doubt it's completely innocent but to me it just oversteps the grandparent relationship, I'm thinking in terms of teaching children boundaries and privacy.

There is also that niggling doubt in the back of my mind, there was some abuse that went on in my own extended family and it does make you suspicious because you know even the nicest, loveliest people can do terrible things.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 18/09/2016 02:08

If it was my kids then I would be fucking fuming and there would be no way they would spend another night there. Its not about the step grandfather but that the grandmother cheerfully shared pictures of my almost naked daughter on the internet. FFS who does that?! Given that she has 1000 odd "friends", most of whom she will never have actually met I bet, what are the chances that it wont be found and shared by some real nasty perverts?

I would go fucking nuclear.

kali110 · 18/09/2016 02:09

Oh yes ofcourse she won't learn any boundries Hmm
thelast we haven't learnt any clearly Grin
Wonder if this will even be here in the morning!

Original poster
Smartcub · 18/09/2016 02:10

Soozey from what I've seen no one ever comments on any of the stuff she posts. She has the occasional argument with someone but that's it.

She posted photos of all the girls asleep saying peace and quiet Shame I've been kicked out my own bed.

OP posts:
mmmuffins · 18/09/2016 10:42

If my dad or DH's dad ever spooned DD, clothed or not, I'd be incredibly uncomfortable. An unrelated male? No way. Seems like some people have quite a different family dynamic though, reading above.

That aside, the photos themselves are not appropriate for social media. You could report them if you felt inclined.

kali110 · 18/09/2016 10:46

mmmuffins
And fb would do nothing. Fb don't care. They don't care if a person is posting vile pics or comments on there as it doesn't contravene their 'guidelines' Hmm

Seeyouontheotherside · 18/09/2016 10:49

I wouldn't worry about the step grandad. I would worry about the grandmother plastering naked pictures of the children all over Facebook and if someone was doing that to my kids I would be livid and want to know.

What you should do is contact the mother to make sure she is aware of the content granny's posting. If they hate each other the grandmother could be hiding all the posts from her or they may have each other blocked.

VladmirsPoutine · 18/09/2016 10:51

So what course of action do you propose to take?

ILoveMyMonkey · 18/09/2016 10:55

Yanbu, naked photos on fb - forever in the public domain thereafter - not on.

Spooning while practically naked - massively overstepping the boundaries imo and I would be questioning overnight visits from then on!

Original poster
Smartcub · 18/09/2016 10:57

I can't believe the reaction to this thread last night.

I don't know the girls mum on speaking terms. I know who she is because the gm has tagged posts about her in the past but they're not fb friends anymore.

I did consider reporting them purely because of the girls privacy but thought probably none of my business.

I really wondered whether people thought it was ok for a girl to sleep with her grandad like this and whether her photos should be posted on Facebook like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Smartcub · 18/09/2016 10:59

All I know is I would not be happy for my dc to be sleeping naked with grandparents past starting school.

I definitely wouldn't post photos of them sleeping in their pants.

For their own privacy more than anything else.

OP posts:
NoahVale · 18/09/2016 11:08

but 9 is still so young.

NoahVale · 18/09/2016 11:09

the whole scenario is odd
no nightie, just pants, in a 9 year old girl.
no bed covers
granddad fully clothed.

asleep, pictured on facebook
and op posting in the middle of the night.
nonsensical

NoahVale · 18/09/2016 11:10

do what you think best op.

coconutpie · 18/09/2016 11:11

YANBU. Posting photos like that are completely inappropriate. Children deserve privacy. Do you know the mother of the DC? She could demand Facebook to take down the photos. You also could report the photos to Facebook. The grandmother in question sounds like a right pain in the arse. It drives me fucking crazy when people over share like that when it comes to DC on Facebook.

Sienna29 · 18/09/2016 11:12

Smart cub, that was semi-my fault. I name changed (which I do ALL the time due to a strange woman I know who posts on here - if she ever recognises me she sends me loads of texts and messages saying YOU WERE POSTING ON MUMSNET!) and I was thinking about some paintings I know some people have in their homes because of ANOTHER thread on chat.

There were some who thought the thread was started for sinister reasons (it wasn't.)

So apologies. Op and I are not one and the same.

GenerallyOffended · 18/09/2016 11:14

I don't think yabu op. I'd be horrified if someone posted that sort of thing to fb. Wtf is wrong with children being granted basic privacy.

It's attention seeking

ayeokthen · 18/09/2016 11:14

What does step have to do with it? DP has 2 stepdaughters he's raised as his own since they were tiny, he's raised my DS since he was 4, and makes no difference between them and his bio kids with me. Maybe the wee girl had a temp so was in her pants and wanted grandad to give her a cuddle for comfort? Granted I wouldn't stick it on Facebook but it sounds completely innocent to me.

Original poster
Smartcub · 18/09/2016 11:14

Oh think what you like Noah

I was up late last night because I slept for 2 hours during the day and was having a nosey on Facebook late last night.

The grandad was wearing a vest and shorts like pyjamas. There were photos of all the girls in bed and none of them had pyjamas on. The toddler did have a pull up and a tshirt, the toddler was in bed with the middle girl and the eldest girl was on the bed with the grandad. The grandmother was taking the photos.

No they didn't have covers over them, the two little ones looked like we're asleep on top of the quilt and the eldest and gf looked like the quilt was crumpled up by their feet.

I've got better things to do than make up stories.

OP posts:
NoahVale · 18/09/2016 11:16

there is either one issue or the other
posting nearly naked pics on facebook
sleeping nearly naked with unrelated male, albeit extended step family,whateveryoucallit

i know which i would be more concerned about and reporting to facebook wouldnt be my course of action.

GenerallyOffended · 18/09/2016 11:18

just think even if it is all entirely innocent (which it no doubt is)). It's not going to teach the girls boundaries to have them sleeping like this.

I agree totally.

Original poster
Smartcub · 18/09/2016 11:18

I actually got the impression the gm had been lying on the bed with the two little ones to get them to sleep and perhaps the eldest had gone in gm and gds bed.

The way she posted 'peace and quiet at last' as if they'd struggled to get them all to sleep.

OP posts:
Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 18/09/2016 11:20

This reply has been deleted

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MuffyTheUmpireSlayer · 18/09/2016 11:22

I'm surprised at the responses here. I wouldn't be happy at all if it were my DD. It's not so much about the step-granddad, but about the sharing of such private photos of children that are not your own, with 1000+ friends and limited privacy settings.

I agree that YAB(a little)U because it's not really any of your business. Perhaps the children's parents are fine with it in which case fine, each to their own. But I am surprised that so many people on here would be ok with this kind of photo sharing too.

Sienna29 · 18/09/2016 11:23

Because that's completely inappropriate in the context of a child bearded?

RebelRogue · 18/09/2016 11:31

The grandad thing ,step or not,wouldn't bother me. The pictures would. As would the fact that the kids spend contact with dad with the grandparents instead(depending on the frequency)

Neither of my grandfathers were blood. The one whose house i was at most holidays,playing and messing about,sleeping with him and grandma etc was amazing,and some of my best childhood memories are with them. The one i had little contact with,and only saw at bdays and xmas(if that) is the one that tried it on...in my own home.