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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Engagement Ring Missing

122 replies

facepalming · 16/09/2016 00:30

So we have been having our boiler replaced, 2 day job first day today.

3 guys working in the house for a fairly big well reviewed company. All seem pretty pleasant and chatty.

DH has been at work so just been me and my two dc (toddler and baby) so set them up with tea and coffee making facilities and declared that we would stay out of the way in the living room.

I stupidly kept the door shut and left them too it. I only be ventured out for a walk to the shop and to make lunch.

as I went to bed today my jewellery box caught my eye on the windowsill in our room and something made me check. My engagement ring is gone. I know for sure it was there on Sunday and I can't think of any other possibility than that one of these guys took it.

I feel totally sick.

They are back tomorrow - aibu to confront them or should I report it straight away?

OP posts:

Original poster

facepalming · 21/09/2016 07:00

I found him on Facebook.

I know i have to leave it alone now. Eurgh there are some horrible people in the world

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 21/09/2016 07:34

You don't even know he did it!

This demonstrates quite nicely why it is difficult for offenders to put their past behind them.

Original poster

facepalming · 21/09/2016 07:51

Soup dragon I don't get your point at all. I'm not saying he did, I'm saying that the owner is saying he did it.

If he had given me the other two guys information I would have looked them up too!!

I think it's quite admiral of an employer to br openminded enough to provide employment to a rehabilitated offender but at the same time I think he has a responsibility to appropriately vet his employees when he is sending them to people's homes.

Would you choose to let an ex offender into your home when you are alone with your children? Or to your elderly grandmothers house for example?

OP posts:

WaitrosePigeon · 21/09/2016 08:13

Even if one of them has taken it, it's not like they would have taken it home and kept it in a drawer, they would have sold it for some quick cash.

Or hopefully it's still in the house somewhere. Behind the radiator? I'm always dropping earrings behind the Radiator!

allsfairinlove · 21/09/2016 09:33

Do you have a photo of the ring OP? It might be worth circulating to pawn brokers/2nd habd jewellery shops around the areas you think it might have been sold off to.

witsender · 21/09/2016 09:44

You have no idea what he was convicted of. At all.

Original poster

facepalming · 21/09/2016 09:50

Exactly witsender.

I do allsfair, that is a great idea. I will do that.

OP posts:

SuperFlyHigh · 21/09/2016 10:04

by the way OP - I do feel your pain re losing something like this - it happens (I've been devastated when a sentimental piece of jewellery was lost (for good i think).

Only thing you can do is claim on insurance buy a new ring and hope the old one turns up (it could do) and ring round pawn shops/jewellers in the area where you think its gone - the latter may not bring much fruition though. Good luck.

milkyface · 21/09/2016 10:15

But you're saying would you want an ex offender in your grandmothers home... Well for me it depends what he did.

People can change you know.

I think his boss is shit for giving you all his personal details to be honest, and I think you're being naive if you think he's doing that for your benefit.

DailyMailPenisPieces · 21/09/2016 10:17

All very fishy. Employ an ex offender and nick what you like so you can blame him, maybe?

Sorry you've lost your ring, OP.

SerenDippitee · 21/09/2016 10:19

to add to allsfair's excellent idea, you can also post on local FB selling sites, perhaps noting that there is a reward for its safe return.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 21/09/2016 10:20

The ex offender could be a scapegoat. . Poor lad.

Innocent until proven guilty I thought?

Original poster

facepalming · 21/09/2016 11:56

he could indeed be a scapegoat. I don't doubt any of them could of done it.

I still don't feel comfortable with an ex offender in my home though without all the full details. I think there should be an obligation to disclose when someone is coming into your home.

Of course he may have only done something relatively minor and non violent but on the same note he could have done something horrendous and he was sent to my home when I'm alone with my young children..

OP posts:

milkyface · 21/09/2016 12:10

Maybe you should ask for dbs checks on everyone you hire then?

If you are so uneasy about it you should do the relevant checks yourself.

Original poster

facepalming · 21/09/2016 12:34

Absolutely milkyface I will be asking more questions for sure in future.

OP posts:

user1473282350 · 21/09/2016 12:35

I still don't feel comfortable with an ex offender in my home though without all the full details. I think there should be an obligation to disclose when someone is coming into your home.

There would have been a full risk assessment.

He would have been selected and vetted to do the rehabilitation work program and his job would have been vetted before he signed it. If he was deemed to be any risk he most likely would still be locked up.

I've met many ex offenders and most of them have just made a stupid mistake after being dealt a bad pack of cards in life. The fact he's employed means he is as least trying to get himself back on his feet and move forwards. He's done his time inside, now he needs to get on with on the outside.

Shame some members of society totally shun people who are trying to better themselves.

SoupDragon · 21/09/2016 12:39

Soup dragon I don't get your point at all

That's a shame.

witsender · 21/09/2016 12:41

I think you were under the impression I was agreeing with you...which I wasn't.

WannaBe · 21/09/2016 12:42

This thread is awful.

So, OP, your ring went missing while you had workmen in the house, but instead of going to the police you approached the workmen first, then the company owner, even considered offering them money to give it back, with no consideration for the fact that by doing so you are essentially encouraging them to do the same elsewhere.

And only at the point when you called the company owner and he (illegally) gave you the personal details of one of his employees did you go looking for him on Facebook and found out that he's an ex offender, and now you're offended that ex offenders are being employed to do work in your house whereas previously you didn't care and had no consideration for who else might fall victim to these crimes just as long as you got your ring back. .

Did you not research this company before you employed them? Because it sounds as if you've employed a firm of Cowboys and now you've paid the price.

It's a hard lesson to learn, but I'm afraid that at the point when you were playing detective yourself you seemed to have no consideration for anyone else who might be victims of these workmen in future. You're complaining that ex offenders are being employed to go into your house with you and your children, but you didn't seem to care about that when your only thought was your ring.

Finding it really hard to be sympathetic here TBH.

SoupDragon · 21/09/2016 12:43

Would you choose to let an ex offender into your home when you are alone with your children? Or to your elderly grandmothers house for example?

My home, yes. I have no idea of the history of any workmen who come into my home. They could all be thieves who have not been caught yet for all I know.

Although I would not let anyone Unknown into my (non existent) elderly grandmother's home at all without someone else being there.

Original poster

facepalming · 21/09/2016 13:39

OK im going to drop out now.

I think there are some very self righteous posts her.

if you want to use the thread to show how non judgemental you are and how you would put the potential threat of someone else losing their property above gaining back something so precious to uou then go ahead.

OP posts:

SuperFlyHigh · 21/09/2016 16:19

well like I said earlier in the thread OP you were very quick to blame the builders, and then look up their details etc on social media or get it from their boss' etc...

Leave it to the police if anyone!

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