To ask if men have 'Wendys'?

[spamten]

I just wondered whether men have their own version of a 'Wendy'. I see on so many threads on MN things like "I think I'm being Wendied" - or "she sounds like a Wendy" etc etc. Do men have this phenomenon? If so, what is their 'Wendy' called ?
Would you be surprised if your OH came home one evening after a night out or whatever, and you asked him if he'd had a good day and he said "Not really, I think I'm being Garied" .

Does it seem funny to picture this scenario?

To respond to a point from Pan earlier about how easily it seems to happen.

I haven't had it happen to me (yet) but an ex-friend of mine was a Wendy.

First she hurt a mutual friend by wendying her from a group of friends. They were all still friends but Wendy very much assumed the role of everyone's new bessie.

She would invite people she had just been introduced to out. Just the two of them. She would laugh hysterically at their jokes. Lavish them with attention. She even referred to these one on one meet ups you didn't know about until afterwards as dates.

People would fall flat at her feet as she lavished them with attention. People do.

She stole my boyfriend eventually.

And you know what defence she used whenever people pulled her up on her behaviour? 'Well it wasn't that strong a relationship then was it?'

I've been Wendied once and Helened once.
My Wendy experience was horrible and really shocked me as it was someone I'd known for years and thought was really good friend. I have a core group of local friends, we all live within 5-10 mins walk and spend lots of time together both with and without kids. We were going to a festival and it was the sort of thing Wendy would enjoy so I invited her to join us. She got on well with everyone and I was delighted. I felt proud I'd brought a new person into the group who everybody liked.
A few weeks later she decided to host a little party for those who'd at the event and canvassed for dates. There was ONE date I couldn't do and a couple that everyone could do. She picked the date I couldn't do. I was a bit put out but once she had got everyone's numbers she pretty much dropped me except when it suited her. She particularly latched onto one girl in the group as they both had the same day off. They'd meet up and Wendy would quiz her about what we were doing at the weekend and then turn up uninvited. I realised later that the others thought I'd invited her so it didn't come across as stalkerish as it actually was.
One time she saw a FB post of us in a pub for someone's birthday drinks AND TURNED UP half an hour later and snapped at me "you didn't tell me about this!". It wasn't my bloody event!
I did carry on trying to make an effort for a few months as I wasn't sure if I was just being huffy/jealous. One weekend we'd arranged to see a play and I had booked us tickets. A couple of days before she said she couldn't make it as her partner has been working away all week and she was knackered looking after kids on her own was looking forward to spending time with him now he'd returned. Ok. I didn't want to go on my own so I returned the tickets. A few days earlier I'd been invited to a birthday dinner for another girl from the group so now I was free I decided to go.
Was at the house having a lovely drink and a chat.doorbell rang. I answered it. It was Wendy who'd obviously had the same invite, decided to cancel on me and presumed I'd be conveniently out of the way. She said "oh god". We've hardly spoken since.
The friend she used to quiz for info now works full time so (though it took 2-3 years) Wendy has sort of dropped out of the group as she'd lost her other connection (me) and she isn't as local as rest of us. So it was a sort of failed Wendying eventually. Really horrid while it lasted and hurtful. I had thought she was a good friend but it made me realise she only "made do " with me until she found some cooler friends. The stupid thing is if she hadn't dumped/tried to exclude me she would still be in the group too and we'd all be friends. It's schoolgirl type stuff but we're in our 40s!

God that was long. Sorry. I'll tell my Helen story another time!

What's a 'Helen'

Helen is from the film Bridesmaids. It's where a new friend joins a group and/or particularly latches onto one person, and tries to oust older friends from their position as best friend/part of the inner circle. The difference is that a Helen is not introduced by the person who becomes sidelined.(that would be a Wendy).
My Helen came into the group quite suddenly, latched onto two people she chose and engineered ways of shutting out others.She did a lot of organising/hosting and just didn't include those who didn't make the grade. The chosen ones didn't really realise it was happening and thought she was life and soul of the party etc. Until she shagged one of their husbands. Bye bye Helen!

I remember the original Wendy thread. Sighs happily.

I've been Wendied in the past. It is horrible when it happens to you.

DH has been sort of Garied but gives not one shit cos he's a bloke.

Just asked my DH out of interest.

To summarise his reply - 'nah, too much effort'.

I don't think men feel the need for the exclusivity or pecking order in relationships. Besides that, typical men, IME, like larger groups and 'bring your mate' actually means that. Wendys don't need to compete and are either included or excluded but don't have the ability to manipulate or be promoted.

I think boys and young men jostle for a pecking order within a group more than women and girls do. Funny how we all have different experiences

I don't think men get Garied! they are just a bit different in the relational issues they have- men can be mean too though

What I want to know what the men's version of LTB is male Mner mentioned up thread. This site with the 'Rod' sounds quite intriguing.

It was me, WomensNet, and sorry but I can't reveal the LTB equivalent. I fear for my safety if I am outed

Re the 'other' forum - there is only one discussion thread out of over 14,000 that is dedicated to Mumsnet. The rest is a mixture of football-related tribalism (the worst aspect of the whole place), politics, news, music, other sports and random stuff. A bit like here, really, only sometimes more childish. Most of us use it as an amusing diversion from getting any work done.

I just pray that no-one from the feminist board on here ever stumbles across it. We'd have a crisis on our hands that would dwarf the Syrian conflict.

Don't worry Grim, we'll find it.

Ooooh! Might it be Piston Heads fascinating men's forum, lots of slagging off MNers too and instead of LTB they have something called 'SWT'.

Wendying does happen for men. Men aren't the same as the old common sexist sport, pubs and boobs analogy anymore.

The thread linked upthread isn't the original one.

The original described the scenario you have all mentioned but the OP gave the frenemy the name "Wendy" to make it easier to read. She was posting asking if the same thing had ever happened to anyone else.

People replied saying "Oh yes Ive fallen foul of a 'Wendy'" and by the end of the thread people were saying "I've been wendied too." That's all that other thread is, someone using that expression.

I think the original was in chat and has disappeared.

Yep Balloon that link definitely wasn't to the original.