To ask if men have 'Wendys'?

[spamten]

I just wondered whether men have their own version of a 'Wendy'. I see on so many threads on MN things like "I think I'm being Wendied" - or "she sounds like a Wendy" etc etc. Do men have this phenomenon? If so, what is their 'Wendy' called ?
Would you be surprised if your OH came home one evening after a night out or whatever, and you asked him if he'd had a good day and he said "Not really, I think I'm being Garied" .

Does it seem funny to picture this scenario?

I've become friendly with the friend of a friend but never lost touch with the "pig in the middle" except twice; once when he moved away and once when he died.

HTH.

Off topic but when I was little my mum told me that my downstairs was called a Wendy. Imagine my shock when we got a new NDN with the name.

But no, DPs friendships seem to be fairly simple.

Now I'm intrigued about the men's forum. Do spill LookMore

It's a football forum Jed, and they have a 'Mumsnet' thread, where they watch us and link to some of the more ridiculous posts on here - if anyone is reading from over there - hello!

It can be quite misogynistic, I think most mumsnetters would be horrified to read some of it.

No, we don't, in my experience. The men I know don't get possessive about friendships.

I suppose if a man is lonely and has very few friends, then he might get annoyed if his best friend spends time with his other friends, although that's probably more of a schoolboy thing than a grown adult.

This does happen only most blokes don't actually notice.

I don't think they have wendies as such, but they can be quite bitchy.

They certainly exclude each other and have top dogs within the groups and that sort of thing.

I think it DOES happen in mens groups, but men don't necessarily talk about it or acknowledge that it's happened, because bullying between men isn't always physical either, usually one man accepts that in order to be a member of the group he accepts that he's the laughing stock of it that kind of thing.

I have been wendied, sort of, she wasn't my friend to start with, but entered the group and made it her mission to heave me out from the off and when it happens, it literally feels like you are the only one who can perceive it.

I did think that the 'Wendying' thing would happen less in female friendships and I suppose it's for reasons similar to what a lot of PPs have said - men's relationships are more straightforward, less game playing and the nature of those friendships is more casual iyswim. I also think females seem keener to have a circle of friends etc if they move to another area - because I know that both men and women use MN, for example, but the friendship posts - I sense that these are practically all posted by women - or the vast majority. It is interesting that so many other MNers agree with my perception!

LookMore - that's a new one - a Rod!! - but interesting that he steals a girlfriend and not a friend.....

BadLad - interesting to get a man's perspective on here - and yes - it was my educated guess that men aren't as possessive with friendships.

I don't know if you remember - a few years ago there was that thing out on social media about Americans not understanding what a 'Cheeky Nandos' was - and out of it sprang the whole 'Archbishop of Banterbury'/Bantersaurus Rex thing - it was supposed to be humorous but as they say 'many a true word spoken in jest etc ' and I think the whole nature of that thing did show imo the nature of a lot of male friendships, casual, banter etc.

""Like you? Let's have a beer.
Dont like you. Let's not. ""

They're even more simple as that.
Like you? Let's have a beer.
Don't like you? We're meeting in the X at X, but there'll be enough of us, that I don't have to speak to you unless it's football related.

It is tied in with male and female behaviour expectations and sexism, though, as well as biological reasons.

And my commiserations to everyone who's been Wendied - it's one thing to talk about it from a safe distance - but when it's happening to you - it's horrible!!

I don't agree that men lack psychological complexity - I have sons and I work in a school. Difference is, I think, that they don't talk about it or analyse it together

What men/boys have is someone dominant, often very competitive, who dominates the group by being a complete piss-takerand cowering some in the group into submission. They are often funny and charming

It never tips into overt bullying

I see EverySongbird has said similar to me

Interesting, NotYoda . Your description makes me glad at end of day that I'm female!!

I also know a few adult men who struggle with relationships. They may actually feel more comfortable with female friendships and how to maintain m,ale group friendships. They are men who are functioning well in their daily lives

You're right NotYoda about men's convos and thought patterns being dominated by football! - or a lot of men - not all!!

My husband is not really interested in football, nor is my DS1 (16), but they have both learned enough to take part in conversations about it.

I realise I've taken it off-topic. I don't think Wendying happens that much, but I just wanted to comment about my perception of meal friendship. It does men and boys no favours to repeat stereotypes about them, like "Oh they just have a fight and forget about it" IME, they might seem to forget about it, but then go home to their mum and be quite distraught

I'm in Liverpool, so I picked football, but it could be any Sport/hobby/music.

I think that it's the lack of expectation, from each other and within general behaviour.

Notyoda interesting use of the word 'confident'. Sounds like a Queen Bee.

How often are they explained as dominant and confidant I wonder

male friendship