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Original poster

WAS I WRONG TO SHOUT BACK AT WORK BULLY

125 replies

user1473872482 · 14/09/2016 18:09

Today I did something that I probably should not have done as it is totally out of character for me. I have been in my job for just over 4 years which has been made miserable by the work bully. I did tell my Manager and the Area Manager 3 years ago and they spoke to the bully. Well since then I have had to speak to my Manager a further 3 times about the bully's behaviour. Today though after keeping quiet for 4 years I stood up for myself and shouted back at the bully and told her she has a attitude problem and is very rude and I will be telling Area Manager of her poor behaviour towards me. She said to me I just spoke to you nicely but I told her not to look at me and to go away and leave me alone. I told my Manager as she asked me what had happened and I explained to her what happened leading up to me shouting back at her. She then straight away got on the phone to Area Manager and told her about situation. My Manager last time I told her said she is on my side and if next time the bully bothers me she will tell Area Manager to sort things out. Was I in the wrong for speaking out and shouting at the Bully?

OP posts:
PoppyBirdOnAWire · 19/09/2016 20:15

You were absolutely right to speak out. Well done. Bullies are disgusting specimens of inhumanity so yay you.

ThisAintALoveSong · 19/09/2016 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
user1473872482 · 19/09/2016 20:43

ThisAintALoveSong
I did not post about my husbands cut arms from work
You must have me mistaken for someone else

OP posts:
Original poster
user1473872482 · 19/09/2016 20:44

ThisAintALoveSong
I am not a troll either
I am a new member and this was my first post

OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 19/09/2016 20:52

There are a lot of posters with the name, "User..numbers" so it's easy to get them confused.
Could you change your name to something more recognisable?

fraggle500 · 19/09/2016 20:54

Hi
Sorry not had time to read full postings. But just wanted to say " well done " I'm sure not everyone will agree, but it sounds like you are a conscientious employee who has been pushed too far, once too often!
I would have a witness with you , make notes and if management ask why you shouted, state " behaviour breeds behaviour "
You should speak up for yourself and start asking questions of your employers.
What are they doing to stop this bullying. Also get advice from CAB.
Good luck Smile

Original poster
user1473872482 · 19/09/2016 20:58

There is no offense taken but I was just wondering what the other poster meant and yes maybe I will change my username

OP posts:
ThisAintALoveSong · 19/09/2016 20:58

Really sorry. There was a new poster today under a very similar username who was trolling (and badly might I add).

Real sorry to have offended Blush

Original poster
user1473872482 · 19/09/2016 21:00

Don't be silly you have not offended me in any way

OP posts:
Original poster
user1473872482 · 20/09/2016 16:07

Normally my Manager would say something to me about what happened but she hasn't this time and she just keeps looking at me from time to time. It's hard to know what she is thinking and I wish I knew. Maybe she is thinking that I should not have shouted back?

Could she not have said something because she feels sorry for me or because she is thinking of firing me/transferring me when the Area Manager comes in?

My husband last night told me to keep my head down at work.

OP posts:
GarlicMist · 20/09/2016 16:16

YOU HAVE DONE THE RIGHT THING.

All you need to do is stay focused on your work. Rest assured you're in the right and are behaving correctly :)

If "keep your head down" means do your work & don't get sucked into any silly games with mysterious looks and so on - yes, it's perfect advice.

Original poster
user1473872482 · 20/09/2016 16:41

One of my work colleagues today asked me if the Manager had said anything to me and I said to her no and she said to me that it is not like her to not say anything. I said to her well yes it isn't and she said to me we'll see what happens when the Area Manager comes in then.

Another work colleague thinks I will get transferred and another thinks I will get a verbal warning but at the same time thinks that I should speak to my Manager. The others don't really know what to think. One work colleague thinks that because I shouted back I have lost the battle and puts me in a bad light.

So now I am sat here thinking that although the Bully deserved it, I could easily be given a warning.

Is talking to the Manager a good idea or should I still hang on for the Area Manager to come in?

OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 20/09/2016 16:54

I think hang on until the area manager comes in or they ask to speak to you.
Try not to speculate on what will happen as it will just cause you extra stress and worry and you'll start imagining the worst case scenario!

It's horrible if people are gossiping about it but it's probably best not to get drawn into discussing it.
Your husband's advice sounds fairly sensible.

Original poster
user1473872482 · 20/09/2016 17:00

If the Area Manager decides to transfer me what should I say?

OP posts:
Original poster
user1473872482 · 20/09/2016 17:18

My Manager spoke to four of us on Monday about some part of our work that wasn't getting done properly and said to me and another work colleague that there is too much lazing around from us and that if we don't like it we can go and find ourselves another job.

I was so shocked. From the time I go in to the time I leave I work hard - the other girl is the one who is lazy. So why my Manager should say that about me I do not know.

Maybe she is looking for a extra excuse to fire me maybe?

So much going on in my head about work.

OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 20/09/2016 17:22

A transfer might be a good option unless it will involve a nightmare journey or drop in pay? This whole situation sounds awful and has been dragging on for four years! I would be tempted to walk away.

However, if it's not do-able then you can explain why. You sound like a hard worker so I'm not sure that will even be suggested.

Good luck.

Original poster
user1473872482 · 20/09/2016 17:24

Do you think that is likely?

OP posts:
mum2Bomg · 20/09/2016 17:27

This is a symptom of a badly handled situation in my view; not by you but your manager. She should have sorted this out ages ago instead of leaving it to the point where you snapped. Hugs X She deserved it X

GarlicMist · 20/09/2016 17:28

What you've just posted about your manager suggests she's picked sides - with Bully. You mustn't let her undermine your confidence or your reputation. If this accusation comes up again, ask for specifics of how you are supposedly "lazy" and counter them with your good outcomes, performance reviews and so on.

But I wouldn't raise this yourself. The main thing is what happens when you see your area manager. If she raises this as well, get outraged Grin

Is there any possibility that your manager might have put her boss off coming to talk with you? I can recall if you've been given a specific appointment.

GarlicMist · 20/09/2016 17:29
  • can't recall
Original poster
user1473872482 · 20/09/2016 17:30

That is exactly what happened. All she did was speak to the Bully and when I offered to sit down with the Bully and sort things out she said to me that the Bully does not want to talk to me or be my friend and she can't force her to talk to me if she does not want to.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1473872482 · 20/09/2016 17:33

My Manager since telling Area Manager last Wednesday has not said anything to me about her coming in.

OP posts:
GarlicMist · 20/09/2016 17:34

It could be worth phoning Area Manager yourself to arrange the meeting.

Got to say your line manager sounds - erm, a bit weak. You've been a proper hero, dealing with this crap for so long!

GarlicMist · 20/09/2016 17:37

I'd also drop your manager gently in it - tell A.M she was going to organise a meeting between you & A.M but that was a week ago and she says she's heard nothing. So you wondered if you could fix a time with her, as last week's situation is still unresolved?

Someone else may be able to word this better, my brain's clocked out Blush

IceIceIce · 20/09/2016 17:43

Not wrong no. It's the only way bullies learn. The reason she acts this way is because she's always been allowed to. No different than any animal if you let a dog chew your stuff up all the time it will carry on chewing you stuff up.

Do not allow this creature to make you feel bad. She deserved it.

I had one recently when i was cleaning at a car showroom. Now bare in mind she knew that if she asked me nicely I would do anything (example she asked me nicely to wash the bins out as the bags kept coming loose. Not a problem. A few times she asked me to do things I was happy to).

Now. I had been basically dumped at this place by the agency and told basics. It was a two person job and they never sent anyone else so obviously I wasn't working to the standard of someone who's been doing the job longer and has the required two people. The boss understood this and was supportive of me and praised me for doing what I could do.

But she took exception to my hoovering and decided to scream at me in front of a room full of people. Obviously intended to humiliate me (plenty of opportunity to quietly ask if I'd mind going over the rug in question again).

So I screamed right back at her. She's lucky I didn't lamp her tbh. Then I told my boss what I'd done and why and that I'm not the sort of person she will be able to bully.

Boss was sympathetic but remarked that she "comes across a bit nastily but she's really ok" so I just said well the only reason one comes across nastily is because they are being nasty.

Anyway I went about my job with my head held high and smiled manically at her every time I saw her and she didn't do it again.

These sorts of people need a sharp shock each and every time they attempt their crap. It's the only way. I'd go as far as to say I'd drive someone out if I had to. I really hate bullies.