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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About dds weight

96 replies

Purplesky2 · 14/09/2016 14:38

I'm getting stressed about dds weight.
She is 5 next week and very tall 122cm. She weighs nearly 25kg (24.7kg on my scales). On then nhs bmi calculator that is just about fine but in some of the others she is overweight. She looks solid - no fat on body but I would like to help her drop 1kg or stay static for rest of year. I've started watching her diet a lot more and she has started school now so not with me constantly asking for food and I think school dinners are less than the hearty meals her private nursery gave and loved to feed her seconds. She has a hearty appetite and loves food. It makes me sad to be stricter but it is for her own good. AIBU trainable to be so stressed. My slightly older boys are skinny but different build so I have never had to worry before!

OP posts:
Sirzy · 14/09/2016 14:39

How active is she?

mycatstares · 14/09/2016 14:41

What are you worried about? You said she was ok on the nhs one so why did you keep checking? Bmi is a load of crap anyway. She sounds fine, leave it. She's 5 don't make her self concious about her weight.

Original poster
Purplesky2 · 14/09/2016 14:42

Well she does swimming lessons but no other clubs yet but when more settled at school will try dance or something. Over summer we have been out nearly every day We have to drive to school as miles away but hopefully will move in new year and walk.

OP posts:
GoldFishFingerz · 14/09/2016 14:43

School dinners are more then adequate calorie wise. What would you give her in a packed lunch.

Original poster
Purplesky2 · 14/09/2016 14:46

Yes I agree about school dinners but the nursery she went to enjoyed feeding her seconds - more that school dinners. I'm saying they will be less and that is good thing.

OP posts:
BoboBunnyH0p · 14/09/2016 14:46

She is 5 please don't give her a complex, it will lead to life long issues. Agree with a pp bmi is crap. Only suggestion I have is look at her sugar intake and try to reduce that. My kids no longer get those Yoghurt tubes after I realised how much sugar they contained.

someonestolemynick · 14/09/2016 14:47

Please leave the poor girl alone. She sounds a healthy weight and other than feeding her generally healthy diet it doesn't seem like you need to moderate her diet.

LeonardInTheArgosBag · 14/09/2016 14:49

You said she has no fat on her body, so why are you worried?

imwithspud · 14/09/2016 14:52

BMI, especially for children is a load of nonsense in most cases.

Does she look overweight? If no then leave her to it. There's no harm in encouraging her to do another sport/activity but other than that it doesn't sound like you need to do anything to drastic.

KinkyAfro · 14/09/2016 15:06

Way to go, give the kid a complex

BitOutOfPractice · 14/09/2016 15:11

Not sure why OP is getting such a hard time. She is concerned about her DD's weight and is taking small, reasonable steps to try and address it. She's not body shaming her daughter in the street. She trying to subtly adjust diet and lifestyle to address a concern

And as for people saying "does she look overweight" and "you can't see any fat on her" have you read the research which shows that parents are actually very poor to spot when and if their child is overweight

shallichangemyname · 14/09/2016 15:16

When my DD was a baby she was really chubby. She was also tall for her age and was on the 90-something percentile. I was at a party chatting to a girl who happened to be a nutritionist at the Portland Hospital (the private maternity place). I remember laughing telling her about my chubby baby (then about 1) and she really rained on my parade - told me that if my baby was her patient she would be put on a diet. Still upsets me to think about it. DD now 16 and not overweight and not suffering by virtue of being a chubby baby. I can't think it would be right to put a baby on a diet - any more than you need to worry about your 5 yo who is clearly not overweight!

rightsforwomen · 14/09/2016 15:18

It sounds like she's in proportion, just tall for her age.
My 7 1/2 year old son is just about the same height and weight and he's fine.

Mistigri · 14/09/2016 15:20

You shouldn't be focussing on having a 5 year old lose a kg :-/ That's very inappropriate for a child of this age who is not clinically overweight.

It never hurts to keep an eye on sugar consumption and activity levels, but that is all I would do at this stage. Forget about her weight for 6 months then check again.

It's concerning that you say you are "so stressed" as it's very easy for children to pick up on these things. Without wanting to be rude or goady, do you have any eating/ weight issues yourself?

IceBeing · 14/09/2016 15:26

I think subtly managing her diet is a good idea in this case. Not ever refusing food (because that is a terrible idea for the future) but substituting lower sugar things...or rearranging the order of meals.

Eg. If we know there is going to be cake (because of a brithday) we eat that first, then main meal after....because the cake will get eaten even if DD is feeling full....but boring potatoes won't....just by doing that kind of swap and making sure there are lots of tomatoes (DD's favourite food and low in caolries/fat) around at meal times we got DD out of the overweight and into the middle of the green band for BMI....and she doesn't know anything about it.

RubbleBubble00 · 14/09/2016 15:30

My eldest needed to put on weight. I sent him to school dinners and he has put on weight. Unfortunately his younger brother has also put on weight thats made him heavier. Iv gone back to healthy balanced meals and cut unhealthy snacks back. I'm just adding butter ect to eldest meal

pointythings · 14/09/2016 15:31

You would not be unreasonable to improve her diet - and the whole family's in fact - but you would be very unreasonable to try and put her on a diet or get her to lose weight. By all means have a family lifestyle overhaul. Most of us eat far too much crap. But you do need to let go of the BMI calculators and the weight issues you have in your head, otherwise you will set your DD on a lifelong path to an unhealthy relationship with food and with her own body.

MargotLovedTom · 14/09/2016 15:31

Why would you want them to definitely eat the cake, and not the more nutritious food IceBeing? Or do you mean when it's a one off and you don't want them stuffing in cake when they're already full?

carefreeeee · 14/09/2016 15:35

Could she be more active by playing out every day for an hour (maybe instead of TV?) it shouldn't need to be a special club or lesson

Rhythmsticks · 14/09/2016 15:37

My dd likes to eat dessert first too-she is a pretty good eater but I don't like saying you have to finish before you get dessert so I generally put everything out together when we have dessert ( not always!). She will eat the dessert and then most of the other stuff too but will finish when she is full ( where as she would always eat a cake even if she is full!

I know this approach annoys other mums though when we eat together but I genuinely don't see the problem with the order children eat things as long as they have a balanced diet overall.

CheerfulYank · 14/09/2016 15:54

Oh knock it off with the giving her a complex Hmm

If she just ignored it and let her gain and gain the OP would be judged for that too.

OP she sounds fine but I think it's fine to make sure kids are getting enough exercise and having healthy portions etc. We all should! However I don't think at this age they're supposed to lose weight unless there is a serious problem, which it doesn't sound at all like there is. You just help them stay the same or gain a bit more slowly as they grow.

Sirzy · 14/09/2016 16:00

Realistically there is no need for the child to be aware of anything.

At 5 other than school dinners - which tend to be pretty balanced - the parents are in control of what is eaten and activity. If the op takes a step back and looks at things like portion size, types of food (plenty of protein and filling foods?) and daily activity - even just parking a bit further away from school, or stopping at the park on the way home. Then small, subtle changes to lifestyle at this point can prevent a problem developing.

It doesn't need to be diets, or anything drastic and it certainly doesn't need to give the child a complex!

Longtalljosie · 14/09/2016 16:00

Margot - Icebeing said that was on a birthday when cake would definitely be eaten.

Pythonesque · 14/09/2016 16:25

I was going to make this my second point but actually it's incredibly important. Never try to get a child to lose weight prior to puberty (the unusually extreme situation where it might be necessary should involve medical supervision). It is not necessary because even if genuinely overweight they can grow into their weight, and their nutritional needs must be met for them to grow properly.

So now to the other thing I wanted to say ... If you have ever looked at a chart showing children's BMI against age, you will notice that it starts high and drops down before gradually increasing towards adult ranges in later teens. The lowest "normal" BMI is around the age of 6 (off the top of my head).

I have a strong suspicion that if you were to regularly calculate the BMI of an individual child and plot it, there would be a lot of variation in when they hit their own "minimum" BMI, perhaps between the ages of 4 and 7. And my own theory is that taller children are more likely to have a later turnaround, so they may look more solid for longer though they are still slimming down healthily. A child who is right at the top of the height charts or off them completely is going to be much harder to assess by means of average BMI and I don't think you should be worrying about your daughter at this point. It will be easier to assess whether she is growing appropriately in 2 or 3 years' time, and that is soon enough to consider anything more than generally healthy eating habits.

OP, your daughter may look "solid" but that is very normal and OK at her age, and very common amongst tall children who are probably built more broadly than their shorter classmates. She will grow into her size and continue to "slim down" without you doing anything other than allowing her to eat what she needs and encouraging her to enjoy playing outside etc. Both my children would have been described as "solid" at 5, and now they are 11 and 14 look quite different, and I've never worried about what they eat. The youngest has just had his PE shorts replaced from when he was 4 ... because they were wearing out ...

MargotLovedTom · 14/09/2016 17:10

Interested to read that Pythonesque - what about when they're quite obviously chubby? Dd is 8 and is averagely tall, size 13 feet and is noticeably plump on her stomach and she has fat pads on her chest. Her arms and legs are slim.
She's had a growth spurt in recent months height-wise, but I had to return a button waist school skirt which was in the next size up as it was uncomfortably tight when she tried it on.

Should we be concerned? She wasn't as chubby when she was younger. Sorry to hijack your thread OP.

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