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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About dds weight

96 replies

Purplesky2 · 14/09/2016 14:38

I'm getting stressed about dds weight.
She is 5 next week and very tall 122cm. She weighs nearly 25kg (24.7kg on my scales). On then nhs bmi calculator that is just about fine but in some of the others she is overweight. She looks solid - no fat on body but I would like to help her drop 1kg or stay static for rest of year. I've started watching her diet a lot more and she has started school now so not with me constantly asking for food and I think school dinners are less than the hearty meals her private nursery gave and loved to feed her seconds. She has a hearty appetite and loves food. It makes me sad to be stricter but it is for her own good. AIBU trainable to be so stressed. My slightly older boys are skinny but different build so I have never had to worry before!

OP posts:
JaniceBattersby · 14/09/2016 17:36

If you can't walk to school can you drive to about half a mile away, park, then walk the rest of the distance. That would start the day with some exercise at least?

WorraLiberty · 14/09/2016 17:44

Good lord.

I'm quite sure the OP is capable of watching her child's weight/exercise without 'giving her a complex'. She doesn't have to make it obvious.

OP, bmi aside, would you say your child is overweight when you look at her without her clothes on? Does she carry a lot of weight on her stomach for example?

If she really doesn't look overweight then just continue to be mindful of healthy eating and making sure she gets lots of exercise, wherever possible.

george1020 · 14/09/2016 17:58

Maybe a dietitian appointment would be a good idea?
It sounds like she is fine weight wise but maybe you need the reassurance from a professional.

I do have to agree that from your post you could well give DD a bit of a complex about food. She is 5 and average on the bmi scale but you want her to drop some weight. Hmm there are worse things than being an average size you know, she doesn't have to be skinny.

ittooshallpass · 14/09/2016 18:17

Interesting thread. My daughter is teased for being fat at school.

She eats loads of fruit and veg and eats less crap than other children in her circle. Parents we socialise with have told me their (skinny) kids eat way more than she does.
She has plenty of exercise and is very fit. Runs everywhere and wins races at sports day.
I watch her portions and limit access to sweets, etc. But I am at a loss at what to do. She is fat. Her clothes are for children twice her age. I am mortified for her and (shame on me) feel embarrassed by her size and constantly feel I have to justify myself/ her.
I hope to god I don't give her a complex. I just emphasis healthy eating. I am slim.
Dr said that she should balance out after puberty but i am going to get a second opinion.
If anyone has any stories of how their child went from fat child to slim adult I'd love to hear it.

ClopySow · 14/09/2016 18:51

This thread is really fucked up.

Original poster
Purplesky2 · 14/09/2016 18:52

Thanks for your opinions. She is noticeably bigger than her peers. I know she is much taller than them. I don't want her to struggle with bullying etc and she is quite greedy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Purplesky2 · 14/09/2016 18:53

See the above photo she is solid but no rolls of fat.

OP posts:
Original poster
Purplesky2 · 14/09/2016 18:56

Really this thread is fucked up when I could be getting a letter from the school saying her bmi is too high by the end of the year?!

OP posts:
ClopySow · 14/09/2016 19:01

I looked like that when i was a kid. Taller and bigger built than everyone else but no fat. My mother was obsessed with my weight and i knew it from a very young age. Huge life long complex based on someone elses body issues.

Yes. Fucked up. And if the school send you a letter based on that photo, they fall into the fucked up category too.

SovietKitsch · 14/09/2016 19:02

Purple you can see her ribs! She is a healthy weight for her height, just clearly heavier than her smaller peers. Stop worrying! But no harm in encouraging healthy eating and exercise in the normal gentle way.

Biscuitsneeded · 14/09/2016 19:05

If that's your daughter in the photo then I don't think you have anything to worry about. She looks lovely. I wouldn't even describe that as a 'solid' build! If you get a letter saying her BMI is too high then bin it, because there's nothing wrong with her!

Rhythmsticks · 14/09/2016 19:05

She does look a bit chubby, but not overly so. I think it would be easy to sort with a strict eye on what she can eat and more excersise.

PrettyBlueDressForTheXmasBall · 14/09/2016 19:08

That's not fat. NHS bmi says she's fine. She is fine. She is taller than lots of her peers so of course she will be heavier than lots of her peers. As long as its proportional, which the pic and NHS bmi suggest it is, then you really don't need to worry.

Children who are an OK weight should never be made to loose any weight. By all means watch what she is eating (as in not lots of sweets, chocolate, crisps, etc) and encourage active play at home not just sat in front of a TV - that's good for anyone. Just do not try to make her loose and do not try hard to prevent some gain - she will after all still be getting taller and thus gain steadily.

Mistigri · 14/09/2016 19:10

OP, your DD is still very young and as someone remarked above, there is a wide variation in the age at which children hit "peak skinniness". Some kids at 4/5 are still losing their toddler chub. Some are already very skinny.

Your DD isn't noticeably overweight, so you need to stop worrying, and just focus on making sure she gets enough exercise and not too much sugar.

Yourface · 14/09/2016 19:11

My eldest son has a shape like that. He's quite a bit older though. I worry quietly (in my head), I sort of think he is just on the OK side of ok. I find it hard as the rest of us are really skinny.

You can see her ribs, she is fine and it is good not to be too skinny I reckon, in case of illness.

imwithspud · 14/09/2016 19:13

Honestly she looks absolutely fine, you can see her ribs, there are no 'rolls' of fat. If she's tall then naturally she will be heavier but she's in proportion.

Like a pp said keep an eye on what she's eating and encourage lots of active play at home. But you don't need to do anymore than that.

ClopySow · 14/09/2016 19:14

She does look a bit chubby

On what planet?

gingerchick · 14/09/2016 19:15

She's fine! I think you're the one with the problem not your daughter

TattyDevine · 14/09/2016 19:29

This is tricky. My son is just overweight on BMI using NHS calculator and daughter is about one cupcake away from being it. They both "look" fine. Wear clothes for their age, etc.

But I am aware, without giving them a complex, that I have to watch their intake.

When I increase their activity they seem to just demand more food to compensate. If I say no they seem to visibly suffer. They love fruit and veg, we literally never have crisps, white bread, fried stuff, oven nursery food, nothing like that, and sweets are when they come home from school or the occasional treat, which they don't seem to demand any more than any other thing they like (like fruit).

Parents of rib baring lanky types probably assume I feed them McDonalds regularly and milkshakes for a snack, I don't.

They were both worryingly fat babies on milk alone.

Both are unusually tall for their age (like a head above the average child in their class) so I cling on to this hope that they are just "there early" and if they just maintain they will be okay.

I was the same and if someone told me at age 12 "this is the tallest you will get and if you just maintain this weight or thereabouts into adulthood that will also be fine" I would have been okay but nobody said that, it was all doom and gloom, and the result was a plethora of issues.

Boo.

pointythings · 14/09/2016 19:31

Both my DDs looked like that at rising 5 years old - one very tall, the other a bit above average. By 6 they both hit peak skinny and stayed there until 10-11. They are now both very tall - DD1 is 5'10'' aged 15, DD2 is 5'7'' at 13. They are both a healthy weight and fit. I really think OP needs to take a step back, this obsessive scrutiny of her DD's weight just isn't healthy.

TattyDevine · 14/09/2016 19:34

I've seen nieces and nephews on the in-laws side of the family go through chubby stages and they are now mainly devastatingly slim and amazing, but they have height on their side and without that, who knows. It's a minefield because you are damned if you do, damned if you don't, and for everyone who says they are fine there will be people saying they are not.

Thefitfatty · 14/09/2016 19:35

She's fine. She has a wide frame. That's doesn't mean she's fat, it means she's built to be athletic. My DS and DD and myself are the same way. Thank goodness my mother never checked my BMI or I would have had worse eating disorders than I do now.

KellyElly · 14/09/2016 19:40

Are people looking at the same photo as me?? She looks slim, not even solid!

ittooshallpass · 14/09/2016 20:08

She looks slim to me too! My DD is way, way bigger... I have had the 'your child is morbidly obese' letter from school. And the Fit for Life team positively stalked me for months! Couldn't move for letters, emails and phone calls...
It's all very well saying this thread is depressing, but when you have 'the professionals' on your case and raised eyebrows from family and friends and DD being teased... what do you do??

aintnothinbutagstring · 14/09/2016 20:17

Looks fine to me too, really surprised you think she needs to lose ANY weight. She looks like she'll have a strong, athletic shape, maybe tall.