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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what your age cut off point to have a baby is?

404 replies

Mummyyummy2012 · 13/09/2016 21:32

I'm 43 and figure I am probably too old for any more children but deep down in my heart I'd love another...aibu to ask how old you think is too old?

OP posts:
MalbecAndLindt · 14/09/2016 09:07

I'm expecting our first baby. Conceived in June, turned 30 in August, due in Feb. Still undecided about having 2 or 3 children but will reevaluate after each child. That being said, I can't myself wanting to be pregnant past 36.

I think it's all down to personal choice and circumstances.

ImAMorningPerson · 14/09/2016 09:22

As the child of an older parent, I was a mid teen whilst my dad was in his 60s, I can genuinely say I really resented having older parents.
My siblings were all much older and I was clearly a happy surprise for my mum and dad but yeh, if I'm being really honest, it's one of the reasons I made a decision not to try for anymore children after 30...

DrDreReturns · 14/09/2016 09:25

For us we wanted to finish having kids before DW was 35. We just managed it. I'm a couple of years younger than DW.

Mari50 · 14/09/2016 09:27

It's quite obvious from this thread that we're all very different, to those horrified by the idea of parenting a teenager at 60, I am equally horrified by the idea of having a baby under 25! Horses for courses.

ImAMorningPerson · 14/09/2016 09:44

Let's be honest, parenting a hormonal 13 year old in your 60s whilst your friends are all on there SAGA holidays isn't ideal.

I'm just messing, of course Hmm

tinyterrors · 14/09/2016 09:48

I think it's personal and dependent on life circumstances and there's nothing wrong with saying you wouldn't have a child past 30 just like there's nothing wrong with having a cut off of 40 or even 50.

I always had a rough idea of a cut off at 30. I had my dcs between 19 and 24 and my youngest is nearly 5. I couldn't go back to the baby stage now that we're getting a bit more freedom and I'm starting to build my career.

If I'd not been so young when I had my first I might have had a different cutoff bit as it is I'll have spent my 20s and early 30s with babies and young children and I don't want to still have young children in my 40s.

Snowflakes1122 · 14/09/2016 09:51

If you are in good health, I'd say go for it!

SugarMiceInTheRain · 14/09/2016 09:56

Previously, I'd have said 30, as I had my first at 24, second at 26 and after a few years trying for #3 called it a day. Then DD came along when I was 33. During the pregnancy with her I thought I might have #4, but due to a complicated delivery with her involving a ruptured uterus I am calling it a day for a second time. Trying to encourage DH to have the snip (he offered to when she was born but 2 years on hasn't got round to it Hmm )

I have noticed the difference in my energy levels - even though DD is an easier toddler than the first two, I just don't have the energy in my mid 30s that I had in my mid 20s. Also, before she came along I was excited about getting back to work, having a career of some description and being able to do things which are difficult with a toddler. Having to postpone that idea for a few more years but definitely worth it Grin

Unfairestofthemall · 14/09/2016 10:01

I had DS at 21 and DD at 23. She's six months old now and I'm pretty sure I'm done. But then again I said that after DS and I'm still pretty young, however I think late 30s before I really call it a day because you never know what could happen Smile

drspouse · 14/09/2016 10:02

we're getting to the zone where university and retirement would clash.

My DH is also older and we're in the zone where primary school and retirement will clash. I may be retired before they both finish secondary (I'm unlikely to want to work long enough not to be). I see this as a major advantage - we should have savings/pension but our income (as opposed to our savings) means that if there's any financial help going at the time the DCs should get it.
DH can do a lot of the school/activity pickups after he retires and I'll be able to go back to full time. Then once we get into GCSEs and A levels at least one of us will be on hand.

I don't understand what's shocking about a teenager in your 60s
Me neither. The only thing I'm a bit about is still having to stick to school holidays for post-retirement travel, but if they are sociable children then perhaps we can persuade them to have a week with a friend while we take a break, and then entertain the friend from home during half term kind of thing.

drspouse · 14/09/2016 10:04

Let's be honest, parenting a hormonal 13 year old in your 60s whilst your friends are all on there SAGA holidays isn't ideal.

I can think of nothing worse than a SAGA holiday but a nice adult break in Italy maybe.. as I say I can take the DCs and their friends out and about during half term in exchange for a few days sleepover so we can have a long weekend (I actually did this when I was a child - my DM went on a work trip with my DF while I stayed at a friend's house - my friends spent holiday days with us because my DM was a teacher).

MermaidTears · 14/09/2016 10:04

I think it's more to do with what age you started.
Had my first at 20 so my cut off was 30, to have three kids, not because any older is wrong but because I didn't want to be having kids over the course of fifteen years etc

If I'd started at 30+ I would say 40 would be cut off

Funnyface1 · 14/09/2016 10:09
  1. Just had my second and last baby at 31. Very happy decision, I will have as long as possible with my children and will have some time for travel with my husband by my 40's. I would be worried to have a child in my 40's from a health perspective for both me and baby.
balletcats · 14/09/2016 10:16

IAm

I also had older parents, and would be lying if I said being an older mum didn't worry me.

However, I think it's more a state of mind. From mid forties onwards my dad in particular hated his job and started to 'wind down' for retirement. They committed other heinous crimes (Grin) like playing 60s music and all in all I think it's fair to say were a bit out of step with 90s life, when I was a teenager.

For my part, I still have Oasis and Blur and Stone Roses and Nirvana on my iPhone, but I also have Beyoncé and Fifth Harmony and 1D. I have an iPad, I watch things on I player, I am part of the twenty-teens. It's a state of mind.

No parent is perfect, all parents embarrass their teens, but ultimately a child who is loved and well cared for isn't going to raise any objections from me.

LBOCS2 · 14/09/2016 10:22

In an abstract sense, the menopause. I was the child of an older mother and I never felt like it was a problem, and I don't think there's an upper limit.

On a personal level, 30. As I had my second at 30 and have no intention of having any more!

bibliomania · 14/09/2016 10:35

I never had a rigid plan. It worked out that I had my first and only at 33. I'm 42 now and I can't realistically see myself going back there again. I'm a little bit sad that dd doesn't have any siblings, but otherwise I'm fine. It's not so much the physical part that puts me off, more the sheer work involved in looking after a baby/toddler. I have lots of ideas about what I'd like to do when dd is independent, and I wouldn't like to postpone them even longer.

shins · 14/09/2016 11:04

I agree that it varies hugely what's right for you and each to their own. My point was re those who said "mid 40s" is that a baby after that isn't something most people could count on so it's a bit academic. For every superwoman breezing through having babies at 48 I could point you to several more going through IVF hell at 39.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 14/09/2016 11:06

For me it was 25.

But that's no judgement on anyone else.

3littlebadgers · 14/09/2016 11:18

Op if you want to try for a baby, try for a baby.

What the rest of us would, or wouldn't do, is not important at the end of the day. If you feel like everything is in place in your life and you have the live to give, why not?

My first was born when I was 25 and my baby when I was 35. Physically and mentally I found it harder but I suffered a full term stillbirth 10 months earlier so I'd been through a lot anyway.
Now my baby is here I am finding him a joy. I can't get enough of him.
Good luck with whatever you decide. Flowers

BettyCrystal · 14/09/2016 11:28

Mari, same here. Babies didn't even enter my head 'til after 35. Met DH at 36 & married at 39. Most would have "got on with it" but for some reason we were still in no rush...
I'm not desperate now, but very aware that time has almost run out. It will have to happen now, if at all. But I don't regret not jumping in when I met him.

NickiFury · 14/09/2016 11:31

Mid 40's. But I know it wouldn't be for everyone. I've got a 10 and 13 year old. I know I have enough energy for another but I am single and no prospect in sight so that's that.

WhooooAmI24601 · 14/09/2016 11:31

30 was my cut off. 24 when DS1 was born, 29 for DS2. I'm 35 now and couldn't imagine more because the DCs are so far from babies that going back to it would be impossible. I can't have more now because I've got dud ovaries, but wouldn't be willing to have more regardless.

stopgap · 14/09/2016 11:43

I always had about 38 in mind. I had mine at 34 and 36, and wish I'd TTC a couple of years earlier. I'm now 39.5, but wouldn't consider another given that I have a couple of health issues.

Conniedescending · 14/09/2016 14:14

I had mine at 25,27,29 & 30.....cut off was 35. Am 39 now so cut off moved to 40! Suddenly desperately broody again but reluctant to broach with DH!

2016Hopeful · 14/09/2016 14:20

I had 40 in my head but now I am 40 and I see people having babies at all ages (oldest was a friend who had a baby at 44). I don't think it really matters. If you can do it in your 40s why not.

In the past when women had more children they would start in their 20s and go on until they couldn't anymore.