Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what your age cut off point to have a baby is?

404 replies

Mummyyummy2012 · 13/09/2016 21:32

I'm 43 and figure I am probably too old for any more children but deep down in my heart I'd love another...aibu to ask how old you think is too old?

OP posts:
nightandthelight · 14/09/2016 06:01

Before meeting DH and having DS I planned to have 3 DC and be finished by 35 (I had a strict schedule and everything, painfully naive about ttc etc). So far schedule has actually gone to plan but at 27 and one DS I won't be having anymore. I love DS more than life but it is so hard and I can't wait till my 40s when DH and I can go travelling :)

Rozdeek · 14/09/2016 06:08

I'm 27 and have one. IF I have a second I want one before I'm 35.

FFTransform · 14/09/2016 06:17

For me 40 if children are already in the family, when you want if not.

I had my 2nd when I was 39, conceived at 38

During the discussions about fetal testing I learned that the chances of downs and other chromosomal abnormalities gradually increases until at 38 it is for the first time higher chance of downs than a miscarriage through amniocentesis . After 40 the risks stop gradually increasing and get more exponential - so rapidly much higher chance of something going wrong.

If I already had kids it would be harder to take that gamble as it would impact them too - they'd probably end up being responsible for their sibling in my old age etc. if I had did not already have kids Id take the risk

honkinghaddock · 14/09/2016 06:17

I always hoped to have had my children by 35 but it took longer than we thought it would and we didn't have our first and only living child till I was 37. We needed ivf so would possibly have kept trying till around 42 which is when the chances of ivf working become very small.
I'm 47 now and we have a child who is in many ways still a baby/toddler and we manage ok.

honkinghaddock · 14/09/2016 06:21

I wouldn't have a child much past 40 though, if I already had children because of the increased risks and impact on the other children.

Blackfellpony · 14/09/2016 06:41

I'm another that wouldn't consider it past 30.

Lots of my family have died young (50s) and I wouldn't want to be leaving behind a young child if I could reduce the risks of it happening. Ive also had older friends 35-40 who have struggled with pregnancy and had babies with complications, more so than when younger.

Wouldn't judge others though its just personal choice!

Mari50 · 14/09/2016 06:44

I had my DD at 36, gave up trying to conceive a sibling for her at 43 so I guess that's my cut off. However I think if it's an age where you can fall pregnant 'naturally' then it's fine. To clarify I don't mean you should have to conceive naturally just that it should be an age where women in general are still fertile. So my cut off is probably mid 40's. Majority of my friends had their babies in their late 30's.

Mari50 · 14/09/2016 06:46

And to turn it around slightly having a child didn't even enter my mind until I was 35.

insancerre · 14/09/2016 06:49

For me it was 30
Dd was born when I was 29 and 1/2

Idliketobeabutterfly · 14/09/2016 06:50

OUr original cut off was when my husband was 40, I would have been 29 at the time. DS was conceived three months before. After having him we said we'd try for another until he was 45 and that happened in April so no more babies.

ImAMorningPerson · 14/09/2016 06:58

My reasoning for saying 30 has nothing to do with health reasons
I had all 3 of mine before 30 and quite frankly, I'm knackered and I don't have to patience for anymore...I had mine all pretty close in age so as you can imagine, I'm absolutely haggard.
Thank god for school...

waitingforsomething · 14/09/2016 06:59

It was 35 for me but actually I was actually done by 30. This is because I thought I wanted 3 but after we had number 2 (when I was 29) I felt like we were complete and still feel like this now he's a toddler so there won't be any more. I find it pretty exhausting to be honest and couldn't imagine doing it in 10 years time, but cut-offs are pointless, everyone is different.

AlwaysNeverOnTime · 14/09/2016 07:04

I had my first when I was 20, second at 22. I'm now 25 and my personal cut off age is 26 as I want to do some of the things I missed out on once the DC are older. I always wanted 3 but had a mc recently and don't know if can potentially go through that again.

SquedgieBeckenheim · 14/09/2016 07:06

I will have our second, and last, child at almost 30 (as long as all continues to go well). For us, this is what is right.
Age for becoming parents has so much to do with personal circumstances. I wouldn't personally have wanted to start my family after 35, and certainly wouldn't want another child past 40. To me the risks are too great. However, if my circumstances were different, my opinions would be different!

Jibberoo · 14/09/2016 07:10

Wow so many young age replies! Makes me feel ancient. Then again the average age for your 1st in England is 32 so having one at 22 and 42 is actually not that strange

BodsAuntieFlo · 14/09/2016 07:10

I had 4 children by the time I was 25. I'd always thought I'd have a career and travel before having children at around 30. It worked out the other way round, had the children, got a career and we started to travel all the places we wanted to see when we were in our 30s. I'm loving being in my 40's and it just being DH and I again. when we don't have the DGC I don't think there's a cut off age tbh. SIL had her first child at 40 and her second at 42.

AmyInTheBoonies · 14/09/2016 07:12

I come from a family on both sides who had late babies. My maternal grandma had her only baby at 43 and my paternal grandma had her last baby at 44.

So for me it feels normal to have babies in your 40's. Im 36 and would like one more (I had dd at 32).

whoopiedoo · 14/09/2016 07:14

I had my first at 42 and I'm just about to have my second at 43. If I feel the urge to have another (undecided atm) I will wait at least 18 months as I don't think I can handle 3 babies/toddlers under 3 years so I'll be around 45 by then. I won't let public opinion sway me though, you get judged for being 'too' young you get judged for being 'too' old. Thankfully I've had easy pregnancies and felt great throughout.

ITCouldBeWorse · 14/09/2016 07:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

heron98 · 14/09/2016 07:18

I don't have kids. I'm 35 now and think I am too old. I wouldn't want to start now.

onecurrantbun1 · 14/09/2016 07:21

I'm nearly 28 and have 3 DDs - my personal cut off if we have #4 is 30, but that's more about the age spread than my age.

In our friendship group I am one of only 3 women to have had kids - there has been a definite trend of marrying / settling down in the last 4 years though. We are all late 20s/early 30s.

I wouldn't go setting arbitrary age limits - if you feel healthy and circumstances are right then go for it. This is important to me anyway but perhaps would be more pertinent if we were older: I would want gold-plated life insurance until kids finish uni plus plans to help them financially keeping in mind my own retirement plans.

RebelandaStunner · 14/09/2016 07:24

My aim was to have any dc in school by the time I was 40. Which I did.

I have two friends who gave birth at 42 and 46.

Feelingkenty · 14/09/2016 07:29

I had my first days before turning 35, and my second is due not long before I turn 37. I haven't ruled out a third but realistically if it doesn't happen by 40 I wouldn't. I spent my twenties and early thirties studying, working, and travelling (and in an 8 year relationship that didn't work out) so it's just the way it has worked out for me, and I have no complaints. I had a younger mum but my grandmothers both had babies into their early 40s and a couple of my (female) cousins had their first (and only admittedly) at 40+ despite being with their husbands since their early twenties

brasty · 14/09/2016 07:29

35, I would be happy to have a baby in my early 40s. But I don't want a 15 year old in my late 50s/60.

AVY1 · 14/09/2016 07:39

Moonrise, that's a really interesting point that has made me think a bit this morning .

I obviously was lucky enough to have known DH since 18 ( got together at 22)

I wasn't actually sure children would be a possibility for me at all so DD was a very merry surprise at 24.

Now, I would have liked to have finished already as I had a really awful experience being pregnant and know I'm getting to a point where I won't be able to cope with pregnancy. But if we hadn't had DD yet and were trying I would still stop at 35. Or if I hadn't met someone and was on my own, I would still have 35 as a cut off. Which I think proves how personal and subjective this is: it would be a risk to myself to go past that age.

It's actually an issue for me that DH hasn't wanted to TTC until now because ideally for me there:

1.would not be at least 6 years between our first two DC (and I think DD would have benefitted greatly from a sibling of a similar age)

  1. We won't get to have an empty nest until we're much older. (I watch my parents who are 49/50 with these huge adventures ahead of them, enjoying their grandchildren, and running businesses they love and just think WOW)

Not even sure he had any real reason other than he seems to have the decision making process and speed of an Ent.

Swipe left for the next trending thread