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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boys school football team should have boys in??

41 replies

plastique · 13/09/2016 20:57

So son has come home from school, disappointed not to get in the yr 8 school football team. Ok fair enough, there must be better players than him.... Well that's life move on etc!!! Oh no that's not the case. Two girls are in the boys football team.. Fair enough too if boys are allowed in girls football team... But oh no girls only... Trying to teach equality etc but this goes against everything!! Thoughts please....

OP posts:
Sandsnake · 13/09/2016 21:03

Presuming that the girls team exists for the majority of girls who enjoy playing football but wouldn't get into the school team as boys at that age tend to be getting quicker / stronger. The two girls who got into the team must be pretty good. Don't see an issue, although they maybe should have a school 'B' team, to enable footballers like your son who might not be good enough to get into the school team a shot.

SanityClause · 13/09/2016 21:07

There are loads of opportunities for boys to play football. I'm sure you can find a suitable team for him.

Original poster
plastique · 13/09/2016 21:08

My issue is girls in boys team, but boys not in girls team. Over 70 boys tried for 16 places in the team there was plenty of choice.

OP posts:
Smrendell · 13/09/2016 21:08

Why've you posted this twice? Hmm

Original poster
plastique · 13/09/2016 21:10

Yep he's in a team out of school, any mum of boys who like football know how important the school team is. I'm not actually saying mine should be in it instead of these girls, just feeling a bit meh!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
plastique · 13/09/2016 21:10

The app was playing up, saying post had failed... Obs not!!

OP posts:
MrSlant · 13/09/2016 21:19

As a mum of footballing boys I can totally understand your frustration, a place on the school team is such an amazing thing to have and such a confidence boost no matter what team they are in out of school. To not get in when it seems that there are different rules for each team and girls have beaten him to a place would make me temporarily VERY cross. Then I would have a think and realise that the girls team will be seen as a very secondary team (not that it should be but most people's heads work that way). To get into what in most people's eyes is the 'school team' (not boys team) must mean that the girls are the absolute best and as girls and boys can now play mixed teams up to 18 the school has picked the athletes it feels will give them the best chance of success.

If it were my son I'd put a happy face on it, say 'the best athletes made the team' and stomp very hard on the bit of me that wants to shout 'NOT FAIR'!

TheMidnightHour · 13/09/2016 21:25

Women's sport is dramatically under funded. Girls have the right to play on boys teams because in many cases (not this one) it's the only team available and even where it isn't the investment and infrastructure is unequal. This runs all the way up the sport - the women's England team members mostly have another job (eg banking, postie) while the men are all football millionaires. It's not reciprocal to avoid girls getting even further crowded out. Yes, YABU.

Original poster
plastique · 13/09/2016 21:27

The girls team won the county cup last year, so they are a talented bunch, which is fab!! But my issue is its a bit soul destroying for the boy footballers going for the boys trials and being overlooked for girls...who are definitely not boys

OP posts:
MrSlant · 13/09/2016 21:37

That's it though, at the moment there is (an outstanding) girls team and a 'school team' who have the benefit of a big pool of talent from boys and girl athletes in the school. Chances are if they had a 'girls team' the boys could try out for an awful lot of the places would go to boys and girls who miss out at club level, in development squads, in county teams would miss out right at the bottom and never find out they could be good at football, the infrastructure just isn't there for them in any way shape or form like it is boys in the sport. I'm not saying it isn't frustrating but right now it's the fairest way of doing things.

I think not calling it the 'boys team' but the 'school team' to yourself and DS would probably help because it obviously isn't a boys team if it contains girls, just the best football players in the school irrespective of which bathroom they use.

Original poster
plastique · 13/09/2016 21:40

It was advertised as the boys football team trials....

OP posts:
MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 13/09/2016 21:43

Then it's not a school team. They are two seperate teams: Boys and Girls teams. So why have the school gone and put 2 girls in the boys team? Hmm How annoying.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/09/2016 21:47

'Boys football team trials' could be interpreted two ways - either as 'try-outs for the boys' team' or 'boys try out for the team (where the team is mixed, but this isn't stated).

So if they said 'boys and girls team try-outs', it could be that you understood it one way when they meant it the other.

However, if they said 'try-outs for the boys' team', that is very different, and to say that, and if they said that and then created a mixed team, I can understand why that would seem unfair to you, OP.

tigerdriverII · 13/09/2016 21:47

Isn't Y8 about the last year girls can play with boys? I'd assume these two girls are there on merit so it doesn't really matter what gender they are. But they won't be next year. I say this as a mum with a footballing son who has always respected the girls in opposing teams.

cexuwaleozbu · 13/09/2016 21:53

The school team has 16 places which are normally filled with boys because for genetic reasons the male physique at the top end of the scale is typically faster and stronger than the female physique at the top end of the scale.

It is good that the school has a girls' team so that the 16 best female footballers could compete for the school.

If the two best female footballers are better than the 15th and 16th best male footballers then it is right and proper that they get the spaces in the main team.

No, boys should not be able to try out for the girls' team - there would be no point having a girls' team if they could. However it would be fair for boy 15 and boy 16 to be offered the 2 spaces in the girls' team if they want them. However I would guess that the deeply entrenched sexism which is completely endemic in our culture would mean they would turn the offer down for fear of bullying.

MrSlant · 13/09/2016 21:56

They can play together up to 18 in Wales now. If they billed it as 'boys team only' then they cocked up with the advertising but even as a mother of footballing boys who could miss out to very talented girls in a school team I'm actually very proud of your school for being broad minded enough to field the top players whatever.

We've found the girls that play on opposing teams now are the ones to mark and keep an eye on, if they keep going past about 10 they are normally pretty good and not intimidated easily going for a 50/50 ball.

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 13/09/2016 22:10

Then it's not a school team. They are two seperate teams: Boys and Girls teams. So why have the school gone and put 2 girls in the boys team? hmm How annoying.

Those two girls have probably been playing with boys since they were very young and are much better than the all girls team, many of whom may have only started playing in the last couple of years. When my son played against a team with a girl in they were invariably one of the star players, otherwise they wouldn't have lasted long.
Why should they not play in the team worthy of their skills?

MissPattie · 13/09/2016 22:16

Is your son called Gregory?

Original poster
plastique · 13/09/2016 22:32

Gregory??

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 13/09/2016 22:38

A reference to "Gregory's Girl" I imagine.

Elisheva · 13/09/2016 22:43

But surely by putting the best girls in the boys' team they are reinforcing the image that the boys' team is better and more important?

Aeroflotgirl · 13/09/2016 22:43

I agree op, a boys football team shoukd have only boys in it. The girls have a football team of their own!

LRDtheFeministDragon · 13/09/2016 22:47

This reminds me of my primary school. There was 'the football team' which was generally made up of boys, with the odd girl. A group of us decided we wanted to learn to play, but we didn't have dads who'd taught us the rules. So we formed 'the girls' team' and asked the only male teacher to teach us, which he did. The teams were duly renamed 'the boys' team' and 'the girls' team'.

I remember very well when this obnoxious wanker of a supply teacher came in to replace our teacher, and sneered at the fact that girls could be in the boys team, but there were no boys in the girls' team. He told us we were all being unfair.

So we stopped playing.

I am not saying this is a parallel situation, but it really sticks in my mind.

If your son is feeling so left out, can't you and some other mums start a second team? Or a knockabout weekly meet up? Or petition the boys' team to institute a wider rota, so they include more children and play them less often?

Why does the solution have to be asking the girls to budge up and make room?

funfunapple · 13/09/2016 22:47

FA rules are that girls can play on boys teams until quite late, certainly until U14 if not later. My DD plays at a high level, she's certainly as good as the boys so why shouldn't she play with them. At some point they will get bigger and stronger than her and she won't be as good and that's fine as she will lose her place on merit but in the meantime I can't see why she shouldn't play on the boys team. Football is a competitive game, and if there are boys who don't make the team because there are girls who are better than them then that's life.

Elisheva · 13/09/2016 22:54

If girls are allowed on the team then it shouldn't be called 'The boys' team'. I don't think that describing the top girl players as being 'as good as the boys' is a particularly positive message for girls.