Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To upset my parents by asking them to clean their filthy house

129 replies

Oysterbabe · 13/09/2016 17:18

My parents are lovely people but they live in squalor and always have. The house is full of animals; several cats, an enormous long-haired dog, parrots flying free range and that's just in the house. In the paddock they have all manner of creatures. There is grime and dirt everywhere. Everyone wears their shoes inside as if they didn't their socks would be black within minutes from the dirt on the floor. It was always like this when I was growing up and I thought it was pretty normal until I moved away at 18 and realised no one else lived in a house like this. Until recent years they've been healthy and able-bodied. My dad had a stroke a couple of years ago so is a bit more sedentary now but it's no worse than usual. They could afford a cleaner if they wanted one.

Anyway it was never a massive deal, just how they choose to live. A bit embarrassing taking my now husband there for the first time but meh, whatever. They live 200 miles away and we only visit a few times a year. They live in a very rural location, there are no hotels nearby so we just stay there and put up with it.

We now have an 8 month DD. Last time we took her she was 3 months old and we just held her the whole time and insisted that the massive, untrained dog was always shut away and the birds caged. We're visiting again in a couple of months and DD will almost certainly be crawling by then. Even now she doesn't really like being held and likes sitting on the floor surrounded by toys. I don't know how we'll keep her off the floor for 3 days.

The main problem is that DM doesn't think the house is dirty, will be incredibly offended at the suggestion that it is and will certainly cry. I have tried to gently suggest the place could do with a bit of a clean in the past and it did not go well. I can't stand the idea of upsetting her like that Sad But I genuinely believe DD could be at risk crawling around there. They come straight in from walking around in shit in the paddock and shoes stay on. How can I raise this in the most sensitive way?

OP posts:
PacificDogwod · 17/09/2016 09:17

I'm sure you will cope for a few hours, and that there is every likelihood that your DD will be fine. And I totally get that you don't want to upset them and that your DF 70th birthday is of course a big family occasion.

Are your parents also hoarders? Is the house crammed full of stuff to the point that you can barely move? Corridors between stuff to get to the loo/different rooms?
If so, have a look at 'Diogenes Syndrome'. Really not that uncommon - apologies if I am barking up the wrong tree.

I hope your visit goes very well Smile

Capricorn76 · 17/09/2016 09:58

I cannot believe there are people advising you to take your child to a house covered in animal shit including toxic car and bird shit which also houses an aggresive dog.

Tbh if it was me I'd ask them to clean the house or get professionals in and if they refused then my child wouldn't visit their house.

Capricorn76 · 17/09/2016 09:59

cat not car!

Albadross · 29/09/2016 16:37

OP what happened in the end? I'm still at a loss with my almost identical situation...

New posts on this thread. Refresh page