Was my GP reasonable?

[Dakin1]

This was a couple of years ago...

Went to ask my GPs advice about NHS funding for assisted conception.

I do not have a problem with my fertility but my partner and I are unable to conceive together. We wanted to find out what options (if any) were available to us on the NHS.

The GPs response: Why don't you ask a male friend to get you pregnant?

Is this a normal response from a GP?! I was slightly taken aback.

Yes, it's completely normal.

They run a scheme in my area called Fuckers-R-Us.

That just about sums up my response.

Is that all your GP said or was it mentioned in the context of using a sperm donor?

It was in the context of using a sperm donor.

I had suggested we buy our own donor sperm and was enquiring whether the NHS would be able to do the insemination (private clinic near us quoted over £2k).

The answer was no btw... And why didn't I just go and ask a male friend.

Thou forgot to NC back OP

You*

Did he wink at you as well?

A real gp said that?!

I found this regarding same sex couples conceiving and what the NHS guidelines are. It sounds like you need to attempt it yourselves first (using donor sperm), but the NHS will assist after that if not successful. You probably need to find your local authority's specific guidelines.

www.stonewall.org.uk/help-advice/parenting-rights/donor-insemination-and-fertility-treatment-0

I would agree it's not the most appropriate thing to say. In some areas it's almost impossible to find a source of sperm to buy. In my area the NHS won't fund any fertility treatment for a same sex couple - I'm not assuming you are BTW but just highlighting his difficult it is to avail of funded fertility treatment for any couples. I've known of quite a few couples who have ended up having to use a friend as a sperm donor which I'm sure wasn't ideal for them

Ah thanks Avenge.

GP was a woman actually, just found it odd.

How bizarre, what was your response?

I think it's awful that same sex couples don't get the same treatment on the NHS that a heterosexual couple would get if they had fertility problems. My friends had to pay privately twice (1st lot didn't work).

However another couple I know literally did do the turkey baster thing and it worked

Thanks for the info. Fortunately we managed to scrape together enough for private iui and have a lovely little DD :)

Yes we are same sex, I didn't mention in original OP as I highly doubt a GP would say the same to a straight couple!

Bit of a relevant miss out there.

It is actually one of the most common ways that lesbians couples have a child. I was at a presentation about exactly this a couple of months ago.

Maybe she was just making sure you had considered all the options, but it sounds like she could have asked more sensitively and and any conversation about different options should really have involved a discussion about pros and cons including screening a sperm donor friend for STIs and legal implications. A half hearted suggestion with no in depth advice to enable you to consider whether it really could be an option for you was never going to be much use.

Well if the treatment isn't available, regardless of the rights and wrongs, she was trying to be helpful, surely? It's really a little different to your OP which implies another scenario.

Not a very original suggestion perhaps but well meant?

Totally irrelevant. Why would a gay women be any more comfortable asking a male friend to get them pregnant than a straight woman?

That's some drip feed.

No, this isn't appropriate. It's not a medical choice. It's an ethical choice. Her job was to give you the information that you were asking for. She doesn't have the expertise or training to venture into those very murky waters. She could have offered you counselling to give you a space to talk through your options, perhaps.

They wouldn't feel any more comfortable Dakin however the options are unfortunately a lot more limited for gay women, so it's more likely that they would have to consider this in the first place. Which I feel is completely unfair - I think all couples should be considered for funded treatment.

Totally irrelevant. Why would a gay women be any more comfortable asking a male friend to get them pregnant than a straight woman?

The evidence shows that some are. You may not be and that's your right, but some are.

Doesn't make the way this was presented to you appropriate however.

Completely inappropriate. And I'm a GP.

Fertility treatment for gay couples is available on the NHS; insemination is available, though not IVF. This may be dependent on area, but it certainly should be. Some couples can opt for IVF (I've come across a couple who had IVF using one partners egg, implanted in the other partner with a donor sperm). I would have a look at the NICE guidelines for fertility treatment and see what is recommended, then go back to your GP with that

Bit of a drip feed there OP. Was about to say it was outrageous but to be fair if there's no man in the equation you're not going to get pregnant. A bit like expecting to lose weight but not wanting to go on a diet.