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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think some commenters on the AIBU threads are just bitchy

124 replies

Wittowoo · 11/09/2016 15:17

Some posters really are just plain nasty. Bitchy keyboard warriors. I'm actually gobsmacked by the level of vitriol in some of them. Why do people do it?

OP posts:

Original poster

Wittowoo · 11/09/2016 19:56

Yeah sorry I haven't read any myself but I haven't gone further than p3. Maybe you could be helpful and link some then I won't duplicate anything.

OP posts:

JellyBelli · 11/09/2016 19:56

This site is a target for people who like to take the piss. Dont take every post you see at face value and dont assume every poster is genuine.

babbafishbabe · 11/09/2016 19:57

Wow you're bum looks big in those pants!

ingeniousidiot · 11/09/2016 19:58

I think it's bloody rude to join a forum and then tell everyone on it that they're behaving badly.

Jog on to somewhere more unicorns and fluffy bunnies where everyone is 'hun' and stop being so gobsmacked and judgemental.

Kanga59 · 11/09/2016 19:59

yanbu. There are lots of keyboard warriors with too much time to mumsnet who have forgotten how to socially interact. and some seem to love to pull posts apart. learn to ignore and sift responses as you go!

dollylucy · 11/09/2016 20:00

Yanbu
I'm thinking of hiding it
But not sure how

TutanKaDashian · 11/09/2016 20:01

Have you only just noticed OP?!!

I got a right roasting once. Basically, I asked one thing and there was a minor point within my post that was barely relevant to the main point IYSWIM. The idiots on there who love derailing threads wouldn't stop going on about this small point and ruined it and made me feel very upset.

Original poster

Wittowoo · 11/09/2016 20:01

ingenious that's a great example. Sweeping generalisation and bitchiness in one. I didn't say anywhere in the OP that 'everyone' was behaving badly.

OP posts:

ClopySow · 11/09/2016 20:01

AIBU is a fucking vile place on the whole. Some of the responses on this thread are proof of that.

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 11/09/2016 20:01

The brand new posters are clearly socks.

NickiFury · 11/09/2016 20:02

I couldn't agree more OP and I usually do post to say so, if I can be bothered with a bun fight.

MerchantofVenice · 11/09/2016 20:04

I think most of us are grown up enough to rise above it/take it with a pinch of salt... but that doesn't make it right.

I can filter out enough of the vitriol to make the site worthwhile and tolerable. But I am now finding it hard to understand people coming on a thread like this and actually defending the culture of bullying. Disagreeing with someone is fine, but mounting an unprovoked atrack on them is not. It's allowed but it's not right.

It's all very well to say 'people can be more honest versions of themselves' on an anonymous site, but I think people should still think about how they affect others. It's actually dishonest to function as a decent, polite member of society and then turn into a complete arsehole once you're behind a keyboard.

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 11/09/2016 20:04

IYSWIM - that is a really annoying abbreviation. I dislike it.

Bloopbleep · 11/09/2016 20:06

People become big and brave (and bullies) when they have the protection of a screen and keyboard and anonimity.

I must admit I have a good laugh at some of the unhinged who like to go off on one at totally minor points of a post. I don't have the time to invest to get involved properly but in my younger days I'd have great fun winding these people up. Never vitriol or downright nastiness just a bit of piss taking. I learned the error of my ways by having a child that likes to cuddle and to spend time with me.

fastdaytears · 11/09/2016 20:07

merchant I'm not defending bullying. I think there is a lot less bullying on AIBU than people say. A lot of people claim to be being attacked and I don't think there's always much basis for it.

Personal attacks are deleted pretty quickly.

Original poster

Wittowoo · 11/09/2016 20:08

merchantofvenice I agree. It's a bit like "choose your battles" with a toddler...

OP posts:

Doggity · 11/09/2016 20:10

The trouble with the type of threads like this is that we've had an influx of newbies coming in and telling us how horrible we are and that we swear too much. It seems to be a few a week at the moment. People will get defensive when you open with a post like yours. I'm not excusing outright vileness but I am explaining why some people feel quite attacked.

Would you into a restaurant and complain about the entire menu when you're only half way through starter?

If you hang out solely on AIBU, you'll get caught by flying buns. If you browse the forums, you'll find a wealth of accurate advice, genuine support, signposting to useful places and words of sympathy. You'll meet people who are kind and caring and who will become your friends.

TrojanWhore · 11/09/2016 20:11

I think it's bloody rude to join a forum and then tell everyone on it that they're behaving badly.

This with bells on.

It's not as if this is the only chat site in cyberspace. Pick ones you like and participate. Swerve those you decide you don't like.

And, despite pearl-clutching and 'won't someone think of the children?' The basic fact that some sites (and some topics within sites) are more robust than others and sometimes tip into nastiness, has no bearing whatsoever on the world anyone will grow up in. No single website has that much influence.

AuntieStella · 11/09/2016 20:14

Nastiness and bullying are not synonyms.

And there is an (oft deleted) PBP who used to start 'you're all bitches' threads of this kind frequently. Not remotely nice.

MerchantofVenice · 11/09/2016 20:17

Trojan Perhaps no single website has that much influence, but taken together as whole, the Internet is a nasty place. Have you ever read through a string of comments on any random news story or article on fb, for example? The Internet is a massive bun fight. Parts of MN are lovely,but AIBU is basically a microcosm of the fucked up world of internet chat

It is a force to be reckoned with.

Crunchymum · 11/09/2016 20:17

Fuck me if you are teaching your child to be as 'kind and honest online as in real life'....

MerchantofVenice · 11/09/2016 20:19

No, nastiness and bullying aren't synonymous... but they're also fairly strongly linked. I'd say bullying is repeated,systematic nastiness. Do you disagree?

wasonthelist · 11/09/2016 20:20

I've never bought into that "you wouldn't say it to my face" stuff either. I've never known anyone push in front of me in the Post Office queue or openly pick their nose there either, but it happens to me all the time when I am driving" A lot of people do what they can get away with and you might as well get used to it, because moaning isn't going to change it.

Having a heavily moderated MN might give the impression people are nicer, like when they slam on the brakes and drop their phones when they see a Police car, but I quite like it that MN tells it how it is, rather than how I wish it was.

fastdaytears · 11/09/2016 20:21

No I wouldn't say that was the definition of bullying.

MerchantofVenice · 11/09/2016 20:26

Oh whatever, fastday.

This thread is doomed, I'm afraid, because there are some who will go to the ends of the earth to defend their right to be objectionable. And yes, it is your right. Enjoy.

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