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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a surprise baby shower?

44 replies

AnArrowToTheKnee · 11/09/2016 14:23

One of DHs close friends is throwing a surprise baby shower for me - tonight. I never wanted a baby shower, but this friend has just decided to do it, paid for it, invited people, organised the whole thing. DH told me because he knows I hate surprises, but he thinks it's sweet of her to do something nice for me. I just think it's rude and pushy - fair enough if I'd asked her, but she's just taken it upon herself to organise this without even checking with me.

AIBU to be annoyed? I can't really not go as it's all paid for, but I'm not happy about it. DH thinks I'm just being silly, but I really hate surprise parties and people making a fuss over me.

OP posts:
Amelie10 · 11/09/2016 14:25

Well she's hardly done it to be nasty to you Hmmyou may not like it, but it's done now. So you can go there with a miserable face or just appreciate that she has done something kind for you even if you don't think so.

WorraLiberty · 11/09/2016 14:26

I don't think you're being silly, as I find baby showers really quite crass.

However, she's not being rude or pushy either.

She's trying to do something nice for you, but quite why she's assuming you'd like a baby shower is confusing.

How does she not know how you feel about them?

pollyblack · 11/09/2016 14:26

I agree i would hate it too. However its done now so you may as well go in good grace and try to enjoy being spoiled.

IHaveBrilloHair · 11/09/2016 14:29

Oh God, I hate surprises and find baby showers naff and twee, my worst nightmare.
That doesn't really help you and in this case I think you'll have to suck it up but Infeel your pain.

RaeSkywalker · 11/09/2016 14:35

I'd be more annoyed at DH if it turned out that he knew I hated surprises and had colluded in the planning process.

I think she's trying to do something nice for you. Just go and try to enjoy it- I think it's too late to do anything else now.

RaeSkywalker · 11/09/2016 14:36

^ I should add that I would have having a baby shower too!

Original poster
AnArrowToTheKnee · 11/09/2016 14:50

Worra she didn't know because she didn't ask, she just presented it to DH as a done deal - she's his friend, we're not massively close, so no reason she would know how I feel about stuff like this. If she'd asked him, he would have told her not to do it, though that might not have stopped her.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 11/09/2016 14:56

Oh sorry OP

I missed that she was your DH's friend, rather than yours.

wayway13 · 11/09/2016 15:11

I'd be pretty annoyed too tbh. I don't like baby showers or surprises or anything where I'm the centre of attention. I had a surprise engagement party thrown for me years ago. I hated it. I also had three separate hen nights pushed on me. I didn't even want my wedding but did it for DH. I sound bloody miserable, I know, but it isn't my idea of fun and people need to respect that (FWIW I love going to friends' parties and celebrating with them). Your DH should have stuck up for you. His friend is obviously trying to be nice but I'd still be hacked off. Can you be "ill"?

coconutpie · 11/09/2016 15:11

Why should you go? She should have asked first - she's not even your friend! Tell him he can tell his friend that you have plans made and you are unable to attend.

andintothefire · 11/09/2016 15:14

That sounds like one of my worst nightmares, so I really sympathise! I think you have every right to be annoyed and she had no right to organise it without checking with you, especially since she apparently made no attempt to gauge your likely reaction and is not a close friend.

Having said that, I don't think there is anything you can do. Try to enjoy it as much as you can - and don't feel you have to stay for hours if you don't feel up to it! It's one of those situations where you just have to grin and bear it.

QuackDuckQuack · 11/09/2016 15:14

I'd hate it and be very tempted not to turn up. Who has she invited?

britneyscarpoolkaraoke · 11/09/2016 15:16

I know this is a terrible thing to do but either I'd have a prior engagement that i absolutely couldn't cancel or I'd just be ill and have to take to my bed. I hate fuss and surprises and pure stubbornness would make me not attend.

Crunchymum · 11/09/2016 15:19

So basically a random is throwing you a baby shower?

Odd.

I'd be inclined to have a 'headache' and not go.

If she doesn't know you that well and hasn't included DH in her plans how did she contact all your friends and family? Confused

I got wind that my manager was going to throw me a surprise baby shower and I made sure colleague who told me relayed my exact response = 'tell her not to organise me a fucking surprise baby shower'

icouldabeenacontender · 11/09/2016 15:21

That's bloody awful britney.

Op I feel your pain, but I think you are just going to have to be gracious, she appears to have done it with the best of intentions?
Try and enjoy the pampering, there won't be many once the baby arrives Wink

IFailDaily · 11/09/2016 15:23

How odd.
For all she knows, one of your close friends might have also arranged a shower for you.
Very strange!

Original poster
AnArrowToTheKnee · 11/09/2016 15:31

Crunchymum I gather it's mostly the women from DHs friendship group - so people I know, his mates wives and girlfriends, but nobody particularly close to me. My close friends are scattered up and down the country and I don't really have any family beyond DH, DS and the ILs.

OP posts:
wayway13 · 11/09/2016 15:47

Also, who throws a surprise baby shower at night?? I'm 36w and I'm in bed by 7pm. Say you're too ill. Your DH isn't allowed to be annoyed at you.

Thinnestofthinice · 11/09/2016 16:02

It has been done with thoughtless albeit nice intentions...it'll be a few hours of your life and it might be shite but you might even enjoy it. You not going would be so embarrassing for your partner and you wouldn't look very nice. Everybody coming is making the effort to give up their time to do something nice for you, get a grip and go along with it for a few hours.

coconutpie · 11/09/2016 16:29

So basically it's an excuse for your DH's friend and HER friends to throw a party? You aren't friends with any of these people! Don't attend.

VimFuego101 · 11/09/2016 16:31

YANBU - I would hate this.

acsec · 11/09/2016 16:35

My mum wanted to throw me a baby shower and luckily told me as I do not want one. I told her no thank you, we'll invite people round once baby is here so they can meet baby.

If a friend of DH's had organised a surprise one with her friends for me, I wouldn't go!

Alconleigh · 11/09/2016 16:35

What a peculiar thing for her to do if she's not really your friend and nor are the invitees.....I'd not be racing to attend if I were you either.

Artandco · 11/09/2016 16:41

Wierd. I would have hated a baby shower, if somebody organised a surprise one it would have been very awkward and unwanted

A) I don't want to play tacky baby games
B) I want to buy and choose my own stuff, I don't want to need others to buy stuff
C) buffet food provided - my idea of hell

Halloweenbaby · 11/09/2016 16:48

Yanbu. I honestly dont know what id do if I were you, it would be rude not to go but people like this piss me off- and you cant complain cos theyre trying Hmmto be nice. Its like people throwing second hand baby shit at you, theyre just doing it to get rid of their crap not to help you out and this woman is just wanting an excuse to throw a party imo.
A couple of friends of mine wanted to throw me one, I told them both no but they wasnt taking no for an answer, they think im boring anyway- im not, i just find the games irritating and dont feel comfortable forcing my friends especially ones without dc into playing shit kids games for gifts. If someone wants to get me or baby A gift they will I dont need a party thrust upon myself or friends to recieve them. Also im supersticious and feel that recieiving gifts before baby is born is tempting fate. On top of that im a fat hormonal mess with not many friends and family anyway. Told dh and dmum that I would not attend and do not go along with any plans. Think friends have got the picture as I only have 5 days left before induction Grin