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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a surprise baby shower?

44 replies

AnArrowToTheKnee · 11/09/2016 14:23

One of DHs close friends is throwing a surprise baby shower for me - tonight. I never wanted a baby shower, but this friend has just decided to do it, paid for it, invited people, organised the whole thing. DH told me because he knows I hate surprises, but he thinks it's sweet of her to do something nice for me. I just think it's rude and pushy - fair enough if I'd asked her, but she's just taken it upon herself to organise this without even checking with me.

AIBU to be annoyed? I can't really not go as it's all paid for, but I'm not happy about it. DH thinks I'm just being silly, but I really hate surprise parties and people making a fuss over me.

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 11/09/2016 16:50

Send your DH and stay at home with a good film and a box of chocolates - he's having a baby too, so only fair that he experiences the tweeness that is a baby shower.

Original poster
AnArrowToTheKnee · 11/09/2016 16:59

It's not worth the fight with DH if I don't go, apparantly everything is down to pregnancy hormones these days so I'm automatically wrong Hmm knowing her it could be an utter train wreck - all I got out of DH was that it's at a bar, and something about overpriced fruit juice mocktails.

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 11/09/2016 17:02

Oh dear....Sad

Alconleigh · 11/09/2016 17:05

Get him to go. He's having a baby too. And she's his sodding friend!!

Mamatallica · 11/09/2016 17:08

Sounds awful, I sympathise. Since when were Baby Showers a thing in the UK anyway? Seems like we are getting more americanised by the day.

Beeziekn33ze · 11/09/2016 17:11

Arrive late, leave early, smile a lot, stroke your tummy, rub your lower back, and guide all conversation to your latest and most TMI symptoms. Go to the loo a lot, especially when daft games start.
Thank the pushy madam who organised it, a lot! Take a big bag for presents and just regard the hours spent there, 3 max I hope, as a favour to DH. Sounds as if he has got his ideas about pregnancy hormones fron listening to evil Rob Titchenor on The Archers!
I shan't say 'enjoy' but remember it'll soon be over! 😉

SirChenjin · 11/09/2016 17:41

Set up a Skype link, so that you can attend from afar?

Enidblyton1 · 11/09/2016 17:47

I would forget it's called a 'baby shower' and just enjoyed the fully paid for night out with a bunch of people you don't know very well. It might be fun!
Definitely odd behaviour to arrange a baby shower for someone you don't know that well - is she v keen to be better friends with you? Perhaps knowing that you have few local friends and family locally she is trying to be really nice and give you something you would otherwise miss out on (however misguided that is!!)
I don't like baby showers, but if I was in your position I'd just enjoy it as a night out organised by well intentioned people.

steppedonlego · 11/09/2016 17:48

Can I please steal the friends of people who hate having surprise parties? I love them but I've never had a baby shower or engagement party. It's my 30th this year and nobody's done anything :(

HerRoyalFattyness · 11/09/2016 17:55

Oh dear. I feel your pain. I had a surprise baby shower thrown for me. I hated it. It was just an excuse for them to have a party

I was very big (very large baby) and on crutches thanks to severe SPD, and they laughed about how big I was, told me I'd never give birth naturally, scoffed at my decision to bottle feed rather than breast feed (I was sexually abused as a child. I don't want to have to get my boobs out quite frankly) and slagged off my dp. It was hell. Also my 3rd child so why the hell I needed a baby shower I don't know, especially as there's only 19 months between the youngest two.
Shockingly I'm no longer in touch with them.

SirChenjin · 11/09/2016 17:56

Sad lego

Perhaps your friends also hate surprise parties, and wrongly assume you hate them as much as they do? Or are scared to organise one in case you don't want it?

RandyMagnum · 11/09/2016 18:01

Did your husband find out today as well or has he known for a while and you've only found out today. If he found out before you and didn't tell you till today that's a bit shit.

Discobabe · 11/09/2016 18:01

Seems a bit weird to me. Why would you do that for someone you don't know that well? Does she have a guilty conscience Hmm

mycatstares · 11/09/2016 18:09

I agree it's really weird that she's arranged it. Did your dh have no idea at all?!

Very strangeHmm... I wonder if she's hoping she'll be asked to be godmother to the baby after throwing the partyGrin.

confuugled1 · 11/09/2016 20:04

Was about to say to say you'd already got a previous engagement for the night so apologies that you wouldn't be able to make it and that if only they had thought to ask beforehand you could gave to them not to bother because you don't want to go because you're really not up to it at the moment.

However having read your DH's response and the fact that he thinks it's ok to get angry at you and blame your pg hormones rather than tell his friend the truth (or a polite version to say you already had plans) is a whole different kettle of fish and a whole lot more worrying.

At this point in your pg he should be treating you with love and kid gloves, not expecting to Lord it over you and dictate that you go to something that you don't want to go to. Even if you loved these things usually and your hormones meant you weren't up for it then so what - you are pg, it happens, just like your belly gets bigger or you get morning sickness. Some people suffer more than others. Just because it's pg related doesn't mean he gets to dismiss it. It's real to you. And again, the correct response of a loving husband is to treat you with kid gloves and just maybe when enough time has passed (say 23 years or so) to gently tease you about it a little while you gently tease him back.

I hope he gets his act together and treats you with love and consideration going forward, rather than becoming even more of an entitled arse as he seems to becoming.

(Apologies if anyone else has said this, I started typing this hours ago and have just come back to my phone only to realise I haven't sent it).

confuugled1 · 11/09/2016 20:07

I wonder if the friend has always wanted a baby shower so has organised this one for you to get her perfect baby shower if that makes sense?

Guessing she either hasn't had kids yet or had them a while ago before baby showers started to become a thing...

Original poster
AnArrowToTheKnee · 12/09/2016 07:15

It was at a bar, the music was far to loud and everyone not in our group was giving me funny looks because of the bump. There was more cake than we could possibly eat though, so a win there.

I couldn't really duck out early as I don't drive and DHs friend was the one getting me to and from. Finally made it home around midnight and went straight to bed. I've still got a thumping headache though Sad

OP posts:
MephistoMarley · 12/09/2016 07:17

A baby shower in a bar in the evening? Surely they are meant to be afternoon tea type events? How bloody irritating.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 12/09/2016 07:23

In a bar??? What? I thought they were at home in the daytime.

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