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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think home schooling should be better monitored?

676 replies

Mollymoo78 · 09/09/2016 21:05

One of my FB friends from my toddler group days has announced on FB that she's home schooling her four year old. She was always very very attached to him and never had a moment away from him ie a night out. She breast fed him well into his fourth year and carried him in a sling when he got tired. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm genuinely wondering if her decision to home school has more to do with her being reluctant to let him go.

Her comments on FB are "well I have no precise plans as to what I'm going to do but they learn through play at this age anyway so it doesn't matter". I just felt quite uncomfortable reading that. It all sounds very vague. My dd has started school recently and loves it - the socialisation with her peers and older children, the physical activity, getting independence and rewards for her achievements. She's playing yes but she's also being taught to read and write. But what if this boy isn't given these things - who is going to be checking up on the education he's being given?

I don't mean to put a downer on homeschooling - I've no doubt it's the perfect option for those whose children don't gel with school but shouldn't you at least try school first? Am I wrong to question this in my mind?

OP posts:
WhateverWillBe · 10/09/2016 08:28

I hope for your kids sake then Trifle that you're a decent sort.

Which is half the problem - you could be giving your dc the most amazing, robust education which will set them off to a grand start in life. Or you could be plonking them in front of the TV everyday and doing nothing. Or you could be doing a lot, lot worse. How would anyone know?

SpinningTotem · 10/09/2016 08:29

witsender I don't know how unusual it is. We were completely invisible (off-grid indeed), and to this day will never be included in any numbers or statistics re: abuse because none of us can actually open our mouths to prosecute. My father is free (single and family-less, but free).

I don't think anyone knows how unusual it is, because no one is looking.

My father was the issue in our family, but HE was a tool he used to isolate us and empower himself. It might be uncommon, but I do not believe there is any way he is a singularity. There are others out there.

Again, I absolutely believe/know that there are lovely HE'ers out there whose children are thriving. But HE is also a great tool for the malicious, and there should be more in place to find/stop them.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/09/2016 08:33

"You need to know precisely zero, zilch, and squat about whether my children are being educated appropriately."

What a dangerous and arrogant statement. Your children (who are not your possessions by the way) live in OUR society, in our country, benefiting from out taxes. They are our compatriots and will be our work colleagues in later years. The welfare of ALL OUR children is the business of all of us.

Trifleorbust · 10/09/2016 08:33

They wouldn't know, Whatever. I am not accountable to them.

As it happens, my kids will be attending school. Despite a reasonable level of education, my idea of an excellent education for my children doesn't involve me teaching them Physics 😂 But it remains my decision if I want to remove them from mainstream school education.

SpinningTotem · 10/09/2016 08:34

they're arguing as to why they don't agree that checks are needed

Checks are needed. I'm sorry but you are 'standing in the way'. Protesting voices do have power, even if sometimes this is over-ridden by the government.

You seem to feel that because no checks are needed for you, that no HE families need or should submit to checks. This attitude from the public/government directly contributed to many years of abuse for me and my siblings. I do blame your action (not your motive, which I'm sure is full of good intent for your own family).

NickiFury · 10/09/2016 08:34

The thing is with this argument that only school can provide a decent education is that it ignores, as always, the many children who are unable to access that education within a mainstream environment. I wish I could see that level of outrage on behalf of the 1000's of children with additional needs currently being failed by our school system. In fact I don't think I have ever seen a thread discussing and focussing on those children and what an outrage it is that there are not enough places available for them and that families are forced to HE because of this and that the local authorities don't care and in fact actually fight parents through the courts to prevent their children accessing suitable educations.

I'd start a thread but I know I wouldn't get the level of interest that people are showing here.

Trifleorbust · 10/09/2016 08:35

They are our compatriots and will be our work colleagues in later years.

Fucking hell, I hope not.

GingerIvy · 10/09/2016 08:37

i'm not "unaccountable" to the LA regarding my children. My children regularly see medical professionals as appropriate. They socialise regularly with children both in their age groups and in wider groups. I turn in a report yearly to the LA detailing what we've studied and what resources and activities we utilise, and they agree that my children are receiving a suitable education and have stated in writing that they are very happy with our situation. If they were not, then they would be looking into it further, involving SS, and so on. These steps are what the law has in place.

I teach the children what I am comfortable teaching, and outsource what is needed.

I didn't enter into home education lightly. As my ds2's school utterly gave up on him and were letting him steadily fall further and further behind in year 1, claiming that they didn't have the time or resources to put someone with him to bring him up to speed with the rest of the class or even differentiate his homework for that matter, I was not about to let my child's education fall by the wayside. My ds1 was in a specialised school, and in order to withdraw him, we had to turn an educational philosophy as well as an educational plan into the LA to show how we intended to meet his needs at home. The LA panel agreed that we were capable of doing so, and approved the move to home education. Children with an EHCP are also still required to have an annual review each year (hence "annual" review) to go over their needs and progress with their SEN caseworker. So my children are about as far from "invisible" as humanly possible.

The "Mrs Spry" comment was utterly uncalled for and insulting as well. You know absolutely nothing about our situation, and just because I state that "you" or "we" as in the general public need not know anything about my child's education doesn't mean that they are "invisible" to the LA or that I make any attempt to stay "under the radar."

We've recently moved, and one of the first things we did was contact the old LA to advise them while contacting the new LA to sort things locally, as well as registering immediately with a new GP and dentist and making appointments for continuity of care. Hardly the picture of someone that is hiding their children from the authorities.

Most parents that home educate are normal people that are simply doing what they feel is best for their child, and most of the home educators that I have met are doing a very good job of educating (and socialising) their child. The very few I know that aren't have already had run-ins with SS and/or the LA and are known to them.

Testing of the parents is ludicrous. Only on MN, where people go on about making people take a test prior to having children, to home educating, hell even to vote! And then bemoan the nanny state! Hmm

Testing of the children would only put them at a disadvantage and destroy the good that home education provides, especially for children with SNs. Many children with LDs and SNs cannot cope with the pressures of school, the forced socialisation, the teaching methods, the testing. Home education means their parents can tailor their education to their needs, help them socialise in a safer and less stressful environment (and without them being bullied as often happens in schools), explore what teaching methods work best for them as individuals, and avoid unnecessary testing (such as SATS). Both my children are happier, healthier (both mentally and physically as they are also now able to participate in various clubs which they weren't allowed to participate in at school because the school couldn't provide any support so that they could attend and join in) and their education is actually progressing better now that they are home educating.

I don't think they need more checks, I think they simply need to utilise the checks they have in place now and follow up more as needed. When they've eradicated abuse by having it all caught in school 100%, then I'll consider whether or not school is the ultimate safeguard.

NickiFury · 10/09/2016 08:39

Your children (who are not your possessions by the way) live in OUR society, in our country, benefiting from out taxes. They are our compatriots and will be our work colleagues in later years. The welfare of ALL OUR children is the business of all of us.

This always makes me laugh. This idea that school is constantly turning out decent, achieving individuals. My work in my life before kids brought me up against many, er, colourful characters. They all of them without an exception attended school.

Chikara · 10/09/2016 08:41

My Ds has been HE'd for three years. Apart from a single letter to the LA which I wrote, and to which I never got a reply, there has been no contact from anyone since. I find that terrible.

Actually what I really needed was help - but the LEA are not interested - at all. I needed money, I needed access to some resources, I needed specialist help for my son and I got nothing.

So yes there should be some sort of supervision or someone who looks out for kids who are being home educated.

I have never got this "My kids, my choice" attitude.

We hope to get him into school this week - but still so far no place.

witsender · 10/09/2016 08:42

Testing wouldn't work when the teaching environments are so different. Ofsted etc are there to check that the establishment set up to provide the education for parents (schools) are not failing. They are there to test that the mechanism for providing mass education works.

The same cannot be applied to a family dynamic. Parents are best placed to work out how their children learn best, as they know them and the family best. So how would an 'outside' body determine what should be learned and when? Especially as the govt (not experts) set the curriculum, change it seemingly monthly (am a teacher) and it is at odds with what many sets of research state is appropriate for children. I.e: learning to read too early, better results/easier to learn if learn later. So what curriculum are parents supposed to follow? And will the govt then pay the parents the amount that a school would get to educate them?

Do we penalise the many because a few fuck up?

NickiFury · 10/09/2016 08:43

Perhaps if the local authority actually offered resources and plans to assist home ed families instead of threatening and fighting them they'd be more inclined to engage voluntarily? I would have been all over that when I first started out.

GingerIvy · 10/09/2016 08:44

What a dangerous and arrogant statement. Your children (who are not your possessions by the way) live in OUR society, in our country, benefiting from out taxes. They are our compatriots and will be our work colleagues in later years. The welfare of ALL OUR children is the business of all of us.

Utter rubbish. I'm not required to outline my child's education to randoms on the internet or the general public. We give a regular report to both the EHE and the SEN departments of the LA. That is sufficient. I'm not answerable to you at all. I've never claimed my children were possessions "by the way." Hmm Let me guess, you also go on about those on benefits and how you're entitled to know what they're spending because after all, it's YOUR taxes they're spending. Talk about arrogance! You have NO idea what's best for my child, therefore no, you don't have any say in how he is educated.

GingerIvy · 10/09/2016 08:47

What a dangerous and arrogant statement. Your children (who are not your possessions by the way) live in OUR society, in our country, benefiting from out taxes. They are our compatriots and will be our work colleagues in later years. The welfare of ALL OUR children is the business of all of us.

Utter rubbish. I'm not required to outline my child's education to randoms on the internet or the general public. We give a regular report to both the EHE and the SEN departments of the LA. That is sufficient. I'm not answerable to you at all. I've never claimed my children were possessions "by the way." Hmm Let me guess, you also go on about those on benefits and how you're entitled to know what they're spending because after all, it's YOUR taxes they're spending. Talk about arrogance! You have NO idea what's best for my child, therefore no, you don't have any say in how he is educated.

Perhaps if the local authority actually offered resources and plans to assist home ed families instead of threatening and fighting them they'd be more inclined to engage voluntarily? I would have been all over that when I first started out.

This. I know LOADS of parents of children with SNs and LDs that home educate because the schools/LA failed them in a big way, and home education was the only way to give their children a suitable education at all (as they certainly weren't receiving it at school!).

GingerIvy · 10/09/2016 08:47

Apologies for posting twice, not quite sure how that happened. Ah, the joys of MN and computer lag. Grin

Chikara · 10/09/2016 08:49

GingerIvy - I took my son out of school for similar reasons but have not achieved what you have. I cannot afford it. I have spent all my money and damaged my career. I need to do more work, to earn.

If the LA would provide access to school resources on a Saturday or access to tutoring for a reduced fee or specialised workshops for Home Ed pupils at weekends - anything other than this all or nothing approach - it would be better for everyone.

Chikara · 10/09/2016 08:49

X-posted -

WhateverWillBe · 10/09/2016 08:50

They wouldn't know, Whatever. I am not accountable to them.

That, in direct response to me suggesting you could be abusing them (doing 'a lot worse'...I think my meaning was clear)? Whatever? Hmm

Your attitude is scarily arrogant and controlling.

Trifleorbust · 10/09/2016 08:52

Whatever is your name Confused

Am full on peeing myself here.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/09/2016 08:53

" Let me guess, you also go on about those on benefits and how you're entitled to know what they're spending because after all, it's YOUR taxes they're spending."

You guessed wrong.
It's not just about the taxes. I explained a bit more why your children aren't just yours.

NickiFury · 10/09/2016 08:53
Grin
NerrSnerr · 10/09/2016 08:55

I do see checks as punishing home educators. Surely if checks every year or term prove to be pointless for the vast majority but find one or two families like Spinning's or a couple where they clearly have no agenda for education (for example have NT 9 year olds who can't read) then it must be a good thing.

I can't see how anyone can read Spinning's story and say it's a good thing that HE families can go completely off the grid. I know he didn't abuse because of the HE but you must be able to see how it was easy because of it.

If there is a minority of children out there still being isolated and uncared for, not educated or abused don't we as a society want to try and help protect them? Is having your own HE set up checked on such a bad thing to help protect others?

Gwenhwyfar · 10/09/2016 08:55

"Fucking hell, I hope not."

You hope your children never work Ginger? Or what exactly did you mean by that?

Gwenhwyfar · 10/09/2016 08:56

"I do see checks as punishing home educators."

Would you be happy for schools not to be inspected? Is an OFSTED inspection a punishment for a school?

Geraniumred · 10/09/2016 08:56

So does the LA have any legal responsibility toward home educated children?

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