to refuse to pay a parking fine out of the child benefit?

[mendimoo]

The car is registered in DPs name and last week he received a Parking Eye letter. A few weeks ago I stayed 9 mins over the time limit because DD (2) had a huge poo that covered her from her bum to her shoulder and so I had to strip and clean her. DS (7 with autism) was with me and was repeatedly sick because of the sight/smell and was then hysterical at being sick. It wasn't a fun morning!

Dp and I have separate finances. I receive child benefit, DLA and carers allowance and he earns around £36k. He keeps referring to the letter as 'my fine' and asking if I've sorted it yet. Aibu to think I should not have to pay it out of what is, essentially, the DCs money and that he should pay it?

This is sooo not about a fine... This is about financial unfairness and inequality within a relationship.

Blu I did say that the partner should increase her £300 per month so that he's paying towards the kids expenses.

What I don't understand is what expenses the OP/her kids have that add up to £450 per month? She's getting £900 per month, and paying out £450 on food, so where is the rest of the money going to?

If the OP is going without in order to provide for her kids, then of course something is seriously wrong and she needs to talk to her partner. But I can see that her partner may not actually realise how short of money she is, if he thinks she has £450 per month to cover her and the dcs needs.

I'm actually in a similar situation, in that DH pays everything, all I get is DLA and Carers, and DLA gets spent on private SALT, so that leaves me £240 per month for mine and 3 dc's personal spending, and I manage ok, even have money left each month so don't really understand why OP is struggling.

This man must have a solid gold cock and shit unicorns, because he sounds like an epically piss poor partner and father.

How did you get into this situation, OP? Are you ready to change it yet?

you appeal these invoices(not fines) now theres more info on pepipoo

they will help u write an appeal

a for the finances-i thin u need to discuss this with your partner if u cant even afford shoes

Ok I could be wrong but 36k gives take home of about 2.2k a month. After council tax utilities 300 for food and the other household bills could easily take most of that so just because he earns his net income may not be much more than yours . Either way though I agree with others that a chat over finances is needed. I would also appeal the fine

The sad thing about this is that the OP doesn't seem to realise what a perilous position she is in.
At any time her DP could leave her to look after the two kids and with no future provision other than minimum financial support for his one child.
It happens every day.

Yabu.

I think you should pay the fine. Then if you're short that month ask him for more money.

I don't think you're financially abused unless your dp would refuse to hand over some of his money if you needed something? (and yours had gone for genuine reasons and not on a £200 pair of shoes). If he would refuse then I'd agree you were financially abused. You have roughly £450 a mth after food? (Do you claim tax credits btw? You may be eligible even with your dp's income due to receiving dla). I pay for all mine and my 3 dcs clothes/presents/unforms/shoes etc etc off just under 500 a mth plus save for all of us, pay into a pension, pay my dd's phone bill, pay our landline/broadband and do small top up shops.

GladAllOver Are you suggesting that if such a couple splits the NRP should be liable for the child who is not his?

The abusive element of this isn't even the amounts involved; it is the dictatorial and divisive stance taken by her partner about money in general. I imagine that some months he has more money and some less, same with her, but he thinks any expense relating to the children should be 'her problem'... This could mean the children and his partner going without while he spends money he could be using to meet the needs of his family. Why would any person with children behave in this way? It makes no sense.

You are being financially abused.

Op you would br better off financially leaving him as you have a disabled child who already receives DLA you would get a fair amount in tax credits and maybe some housing benefit i gave up work to be my disabled childs carer i was a nurse so in an average wage since giving up work ,m not massivley worse off dh still works but in a low wage.

Sack him
Go through the CSA
Pay the fine

He sounds a knob but I can't see how this would come under any definition of financial abuse - it's not nice but he isn't taking money from the OP, controlling her spending, fraudulently claiming money on her behalf or spending her money. He pays the rent, all household bills and 2/3 of the monthly food budget. OP receives all the state benefits. The situation is unequal and that needs to be addressed but it isn't abusive. Shit; but wouldn't be deemed financial abuse.

And women's aid will have no role here. They're a charity that helps women escape from violent relationships and OP hasn't said she's experiencing that. I think a lot of people see womens aid suggested on MN and think it's some kind of help and advice service for women and it isn't.

I echo what a lot of PP have said OP. If your DP won't agree to a more equal sharing of finances then you need to consider if you want to be in this relationship.

Personally I wouldn't even acknowledge the fine and I'd put all reminders in the bin.

You need to sit down with your DP and sort out finances. I never understand his & her finances when you have children.

You also need to get a pension.