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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to refuse to pay a parking fine out of the child benefit?

115 replies

mendimoo · 08/09/2016 23:09

The car is registered in DPs name and last week he received a Parking Eye letter. A few weeks ago I stayed 9 mins over the time limit because DD (2) had a huge poo that covered her from her bum to her shoulder and so I had to strip and clean her. DS (7 with autism) was with me and was repeatedly sick because of the sight/smell and was then hysterical at being sick. It wasn't a fun morning!

Dp and I have separate finances. I receive child benefit, DLA and carers allowance and he earns around £36k. He keeps referring to the letter as 'my fine' and asking if I've sorted it yet. Aibu to think I should not have to pay it out of what is, essentially, the DCs money and that he should pay it?

OP posts:
Original poster
mendimoo · 08/09/2016 23:45

He always claims to be broke. He has a couple of debts but they're interest free and our rent is low. I pay for everything for the DC, my personal bills, food, petrol I use and days out and he pays his bills, household bills, his pension, the rent and £300 towards food.

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 08/09/2016 23:45

Your financial situation is completely fucked up, OP

stitchglitched · 08/09/2016 23:45

I remember your other threads under many different names. He is financially abusive and a disgrace of a father, neglectful and downright dangerous. You would be better off as a single parent. You would get the same benefits as you do now plus he would actually have to pay child support.

bojorojo · 08/09/2016 23:47

As you are not married you won't see any of the pension either OP, so a relatively small fine is the least of your worries in the future. Also, yes he should pay into a pension. Parking fines are usually about £30 so you will just have to pay but obviously you don't have a very good financial relationship or it would not be quite so black and white as this. Who pays for the food, the electricity, gas, Council Tax, mortgage? Can you go without wine for a few weeks to save a bit, or some other treat that you have, rather than the children? I guess next time, the poo goes in the car for a street or two. Or ask the Dad of your other child?

MyKingdomForBrie · 08/09/2016 23:48

Well it doesn't sound completely fucked up to be fair, he's paying all the rent and all the household bills and (half?) the food costs, but frankly it doesn't make sense that finances are separate at all if he has spare money and you are struggling for money.

I don't think it should be 'he pays or I pay' it should just be 'we pay'.

bojorojo · 08/09/2016 23:48

So eat cheaper food!

ollieplimsoles · 08/09/2016 23:48

Awful set up op,

Was the parking fine from the council or a private company? If it is the latter, don't pay it.

MollyRedskirts · 08/09/2016 23:52

Bojorojo, are you for fucking real?!

OP, I talked about my situation because we're similar, but you are being financially abused. You have a much bigger problem than this fine. It's a symptom of ongoing issues.

trufflehunterthebadger · 08/09/2016 23:54

Sounds like a very fair financial arrangement to me. All OP has to pay for is her own petrol, a small amount of food as he is paying £300 towards it (which is more than i spend in a month on 4 adults and a child) and incidentals for herself and the children. The husband is paying all the big bills

ollieplimsoles · 08/09/2016 23:57

The husband is paying all the big bills

RTFT they are not married...

GoldFishFingerz · 09/09/2016 00:00

What is your income op

Nanny0gg · 09/09/2016 00:00

Oh. Is that the poster who posts and runs?

Is this real and she doesn't listen or is it a long elaborate story?

Original poster
mendimoo · 09/09/2016 00:01

He has about £1900 on payday. I estimate he has at least £500 spare per month. I receive only a little more than that to pay for everything that I pay for.

OP posts:
Glastokitty · 09/09/2016 00:01

How the hell is it fair when the OP doesn't even have a proper pair of shoes to her name while he can afford to sock away large amounts to his pension? And as for the person who said eat cheaper food, you are a disgrace! This situation is totally financially fucked up, and the OP would be better off as a single parent. Living like this must be soul destroying.

Nanny0gg · 09/09/2016 00:02

So why are you with him?

SanityAssassin · 09/09/2016 00:03

You should pay your own fine however this shouldn't leave your children short even if you have separate finances - they are his children surely he would just pay what they need.

You are essentially relying on your benefit money for everything for his children while he does ??? with his £36K If he's not your husband you need to get yourself back into paid employment or you could be left high and dry.

Original poster
mendimoo · 09/09/2016 00:03

As for the eat cheaper food comment - our food bill is at least £450 per month. DS will only eat specific foods and they must be fresh so it becomes expensive.

OP posts:
Original poster
mendimoo · 09/09/2016 00:04

I cannot afford the childcare fees in order to get back to work. He has never bought them clothes/books/shoes/uniform/Christmas or birthday presents.

OP posts:
chicknquack · 09/09/2016 00:08

Why would you pay the childcare fees?

Doesn't sound like you will ever get him to agree, so what are you going to do about it? You can't change him, you can only change you.

JellyBelli · 09/09/2016 00:08

this is a wake up call, he's not really you partner, is he?

RhodaBorrocks · 09/09/2016 00:10

JFC OP. You'd be better off financially if you left him. At least then you'd get tax credit/childcare/housing benefit etc which would enable you to have the choice to return to work..

He's got you completely stitched up in your current situation. What does he actually do for you and DC that's worth staying for?

Willow33 · 09/09/2016 00:12

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/consumer/parking-driving-transport/parking-driving-transport/appealing-parking-tickets/when-to-appeal-a-parking-ticket/

You should definitely contest it. Look on the above link from the citizens advice bureau. There is a section about when to appeal under a 'grace period'. Being only 9 or so mins late and under your circumstances, you should be in with a chance.

JenLindleyShitMom · 09/09/2016 00:13

Fuck him. Don't pay it. Cars in his name, he'll get the shit for not paying.

You'll be too busy sorting out your new home. Right? Cause you are going to LTB?

Bogeyface · 09/09/2016 00:22

You are completely fucked if he leaves you.

You need to either get married, to get fair treatment if you split, or accept that if you split up then he will walk away with a fat pension pot, probably savings that you know nothing about and you will have nothing.

Sorry but there you are.

And dont pay the fine, he will get the summons and not you.

Italiangreyhound · 09/09/2016 00:45

You have no pension? This is a bigger issue than the parking fine.

You need to sort your finances out, you are being royally screwed.

IMHO you should thank your lucky starts you got that fine because it just shows how unfair it all is and will maybe make you address this issue.

I am sorry your dp has put you in this position, it sounds really awful.

You need to get some proper financial advice and sort this out.

You said DP so he is not your dh? Do you know what would happen financially ifyou split up. Sometimes people assume if they are together it is the same as being married legally if they life together. I think it is not (financially, I mean).

You are taking time out of your career (presumably) to raise the kids. When/if you return to work/full time work you will be in a weaker position than you would be if you had continued working full time. Your dp has the pleasure of being a dad, carrying on working and he will be in whatever position he would have been in otherwise, or as near as possible to that, in later life. In an ideal world you would be together for life and share his pension, but what if you are not together or he does not share his pension?