Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to refuse to pay a parking fine out of the child benefit?

115 replies

mendimoo · 08/09/2016 23:09

The car is registered in DPs name and last week he received a Parking Eye letter. A few weeks ago I stayed 9 mins over the time limit because DD (2) had a huge poo that covered her from her bum to her shoulder and so I had to strip and clean her. DS (7 with autism) was with me and was repeatedly sick because of the sight/smell and was then hysterical at being sick. It wasn't a fun morning!

Dp and I have separate finances. I receive child benefit, DLA and carers allowance and he earns around £36k. He keeps referring to the letter as 'my fine' and asking if I've sorted it yet. Aibu to think I should not have to pay it out of what is, essentially, the DCs money and that he should pay it?

OP posts:
SianSteans · 09/09/2016 00:47

Your partner won't contribute for clothes/books/shoes/gifts for the children? Nor will he support you with necessities like shoes despite you being an unwaged stay at home mother which enables him to earn his salary without paying for childcare. This fine is the lease of you problems. Financial abuse isn't something you should have to live with. If you choose to leave and need support women's aid can help you www.womensaid.org.uk

Italiangreyhound · 09/09/2016 00:52

PS " In an ideal world you would be together for life and share his pension, but what if you are not together or he does not share his pension?"

I do not mean you should stay with him, he doesn't sound very nice but it is your choice. I meant in an ideal situation in a couple the couple will share their income and resources for life and they will live together on the pension one paid into while the other worked and it will be fair. This sounds anything but fair.

BabyOleg · 09/09/2016 01:08

I know this really isn't the point of the thread but don't ignore the fine. It is outdated advise to ignore Private Parking firm tickets. You need to appeal, there should be a buffer zone when parking, giving you time to find a space, park and then at the end leave. This would cover the 9 minute overstay. Go over to Pepipoo website or moneysavingexpert and search "Parking Eye overstay appeal" or something like that, they will give advise on the procedure to appeal.

As to your financial set up, as others have said there is something very wrong here.

Ilovecharliecat · 09/09/2016 01:27

Mendimoo you really need to have a good hard look at your relationship, and I mean this in a concerned way not condecending. You don't work, yet all your outgoings pay bills etc? And yet he earns £36k. When DH and I decided to live together we jointly decided to have a joint bank account. I have two DS's and not once have I ever been questioned about how I spend our joint income on my or his step sons. I've never had any money from their father, we've provided 90% of all they need. What I'm trying to point out to you is that, you take a woman and their kids on unconditionally - they come as a package. Speak to him Mendimoo and sort it out, if only for you and your kids xx

rjay123 · 09/09/2016 02:53

It's an invoice. Not a fine - only the council and police can issue fines.

Does it have the exact words "penalty charge notice" on it? If not, bin it. They'll send a few more letters and then give up.

Canyouforgiveher · 09/09/2016 03:00

The ticket is the least of your problems. You deserve better than this.

ZenMom · 09/09/2016 04:45

Wow separate finances in this day and age?? I'd suggest having a chat - you're both equal regardless of the jobs you do (work or cater or full time mom etc) - all income should be totalled, all expenses totalled incl fines :) whatever's left either joint bank or split if you feel the need. My dp thought the OP 's way was how it would work - quickly put him right lol.

Is there more value to what your other half does as opposed to raising and nurturing your children?? I think not.

Good luck x

Imperialleather2 · 09/09/2016 05:20

I think you need to be very upfront and say that you can't afford it and that he.needs.to.pay it.

You can then raise the whole issue of how the finances are split. Op.do uou actually have enough.money or are you sinking into debt every month?

Trifleorbust · 09/09/2016 05:35

This financial situation is laughable. Parking fine is the least of your problems. So your DP keeps his money and all the money you have is for the children to the point that you don't want to pay a fine you incurred because you would be taking their money. Where is YOUR money, OP? What do you do when you want a new pair of knickers or a glass of wine? You are basically living like unpaid help in a family.

phillipp · 09/09/2016 06:54

I was goin to say the same as trifle. Paying this fine is the least of the problems.

Me and dh earn the same and have joint an separate finances. We put money for bills and savings in the joint accounts. Then what's left is ours. But we wouldn't think twice of paying for something out of our own money for the other one.

When we go out for the day we never plan who is paying what. We both just pay for whatever. Sometimes he pays more, sometimes it's me. It only works because we are both on the same page and neither of us are mean with money.

Op you really need to sort this whole situation or leave.

ConvincingLiar · 09/09/2016 06:58

Contest the fine.

LTB.

LIZS · 09/09/2016 07:04

It's not about whether you can afford to return to work. childcare should be another shared cost. When will your toddler qualify for nursery funding? It would offer independence as well as stop you feeling so oppressed. It isn't the parking company's issue that your dc delayed you, perhaps your p could share the cost? Do you claim mobility for your Ds ? How involved is your p in his care?

Kr1stina · 09/09/2016 07:07

You are being financially abused. Please speak to womens aid

DollyBarton · 09/09/2016 07:10

The problem is not the fine (which is yours to sort out), it's your family finances. He's a jerk not to help you out with this cost. It should all be family money.

Sootica · 09/09/2016 07:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/09/2016 07:22

mendimoo

The parking fine is the tip of a bloody great iceberg. Contest it as well.

Your DP is not your DP at all; do you have full access to money he earns. I doubt that very much.

It is not easier to stay with someone like this man out of fear of the unknown and being a parent to two children. He is no parent to his children by leaving their mother (and in turn them) short of funds.

What is in this relationship for you now, what do you get out of this?.

Womens Aid are well worth talking to in your particular circumstances on 0808 2000 247.

00100001 · 09/09/2016 07:38

Your H is a disk, he has plenty of money and he'd see his children go without over a parking fine??

IN fact why is he not paying for the kids activities??

Why is the money not shared??

what a knob.

SarahMused · 09/09/2016 07:43

Look at this website it has excellent advice on fighting these charges. The penalties have to reflect the actual cost to the company of you overstaying. I think they would struggle in your case. www.parkingcowboys.co.uk/parking-eye/

NerrSnerr · 09/09/2016 07:52

Why are you with someone who would treat his partner and child so bad?

Theoretician · 09/09/2016 07:55

How the hell is it fair when the OP doesn't even have a proper pair of shoes to her name while he can afford to sock away large amounts to his pension?

Perhaps he's read "The Richest Man in Babylon" and is following the advice to prioritise saving above all other spending. If the pension is the last priority it will never get paid.

Jessbow · 09/09/2016 08:01

Why/How Is he being financially abusive if he pays his bills, household bills, his pension, the rent and £300 towards food.

poster gets child benefit, DLA and carers allowance + £300 per month

OK, so she has to pay her own bills- what bills? Mobile phone?

coconutpie · 09/09/2016 08:02

This is financial abuse. The parking fine is the least of your worries. And don't pay the fine. He can pay it.

AyeAmarok · 09/09/2016 08:03

Given his financial treatment of you, I'd tell him you're not paying it as you can't afford it, with a shrug.

It's his car, so he'll get the fine.

Arfarfanarf · 09/09/2016 08:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jessbow · 09/09/2016 08:03

Sorry, pressed send too soon.

Who supports the child that isn't his? Where is that money?

Swipe left for the next trending thread