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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to refuse to pay a parking fine out of the child benefit?

115 replies

mendimoo · 08/09/2016 23:09

The car is registered in DPs name and last week he received a Parking Eye letter. A few weeks ago I stayed 9 mins over the time limit because DD (2) had a huge poo that covered her from her bum to her shoulder and so I had to strip and clean her. DS (7 with autism) was with me and was repeatedly sick because of the sight/smell and was then hysterical at being sick. It wasn't a fun morning!

Dp and I have separate finances. I receive child benefit, DLA and carers allowance and he earns around £36k. He keeps referring to the letter as 'my fine' and asking if I've sorted it yet. Aibu to think I should not have to pay it out of what is, essentially, the DCs money and that he should pay it?

OP posts:
Applejack29 · 09/09/2016 08:04

OP, this is financial abuse, LTB, I did and it's the best decision I ever made. Smile

Blu · 09/09/2016 08:08

I agree the issue is your DP and the way your finances are handled (and the attitudes behind that) .

Parking Eye are one of the companies that do pursue unpaid tickets, and be careful about the advice you follow. Definitely appeal, and within the timeframe given. Does your DS have a Blue Badge? Any stipulations about that on the notice? The get

Blu · 09/09/2016 08:13

Any getting in and out leeway should be extended as a 'reasonable adjustment' (that is my opinion, not legal advice!).

MLGs · 09/09/2016 08:20

Shocking financial abuse. Agree with all pps. Fine is leass of your worries here, although in fact I agree - appeal it.

If it helps stbxh successfully got a private company to drop one of these so called fines because toddler was asleep (was in my car - x in car with him) so you could have success.

So depressing all this financial abuse that goes on. Angry on your behalf op. And angry that when I saw the title of this thread I just knew how it was going to pan out.

LyndaNotLinda · 09/09/2016 08:21

For anyone who is unaware, to be eligible for carers' allowance, you have to have an income of less than £120/week. That's the level of poverty that the OP's partner is keeping his family in.

Call Women's Aid mendimoo - you're being financially abused.

And as is so often said here, you don't have a parking ticket problem, you have a partner problem.

I would just refuse to pay it - he will be liable if it is escalated.

Fannyupcrutch · 09/09/2016 08:21

OP, what sort of parking ticket is it? because according to Martin Lewis you only need to pay certain ones and others are just a money making scheme so well worth looking into this

www.moneysavingexpert.com/reclaim/private-parking-tickets

I wont reiterate how others have said your finance situation is totally unfair, I think you may have already gotten the gist of that.

cestlavielife · 09/09/2016 08:24

Carers allowance protects your state pension but that won't be much....

Sit and think where you are if you split.

Jessbow · 09/09/2016 08:31

For anyone who is unaware, to be eligible for carers' allowance, you have to have an income of less than £120/week. That's the level of poverty that the OP's partner is keeping his family in.

Jessbow · 09/09/2016 08:31

For anyone who is unaware, to be eligible for carers' allowance, you have to have an income of less than £120/week. That's the level of poverty that the OP's partner is keeping his family in.

Jessbow · 09/09/2016 08:34

How come she get the allowance then?
Surely the ex partner ( 1st childs father) is adding to this situation?

Totally confused now. If the threshold is £120 clearly partner earns more than this threashold............?

If his money doesn't count towards what she gets , then surely it cant count when she needs additional income for parking fine?

SpagettiNetty · 09/09/2016 08:39

I agree with Jessbow, while finances may not be entirely equal, I don't think OP is being financially abused.

She gets DLA, Carers and Child Benefit plus £300 from her partner towards food. Thats £900 per month, she's stated food shopping is around £450, so she should have £450 per month left for "personal" spending.

Her partner has £500 per month left over, so while he's got slightly more than her, I don't think its enough to be considered abusive.

Only comment I would make is that he should be paying towards the dcs expenses, so maybe he needs to increase the amount he's paying slightly to even out the "spare" money available.

SpagettiNetty · 09/09/2016 08:41

Jessbow carers is paid to the person doing the caring, household income is irrelevant, op would have to have personal income less than £120 per week to be eligible, but they don't include DLA or child benefit in the calculation.

So OP should be getting £33 per week child benefit, £55 per week DLA (assuming her DS is on mid rate), and £60 per week carers.

BarbaraofSeville · 09/09/2016 08:46

Putting aside all the separate finances issues, you say you were fined were overstaying. Where did you overstay and did you spend money there?

If you have the energy, have a look on some of the links suggested here (moneysavingexpert etc) and follow the appeals process. If for example you were at a retail park and can prove you spent money there, start by appealing to the owners of the retail park/significant tenants – there should be details on the parking invoice or retail park website.

If you say that you shopped there, spent money, and are a regular customer, but overstayed by a short period because you were cleaning your DD up, they may cancel the fine. Or it may get cancelled if you appeal to the regulator. It’s worth a shot.

RedSauceAndJellyJuice · 09/09/2016 08:48

In our house whoever could afford it that month would pay or we'd split it

BoffinMum · 09/09/2016 08:58

Have not read the whole thread, but with regard to the parking ticket, just work with the CAB to write a letter explaining the situation and enclosing some evidence of disability, and then they legally have to make a reasonable adjustment.

Jessbow · 09/09/2016 09:05

Everyone is saying she is being kept short by her partner ( I don't think she I , but that's by the by) Why isn't the first child's father contributing equally for his child, then maybe she wouldn't be so short, especially as OP has said how much extra he costs in food ( £450 p/m stated upthread)
Seems partner is paying for pretty much everything, rent bills etc,AND giving her £300 a month, yet he's abusive?

BoffinMum · 09/09/2016 09:11

I think there's two issues. Dealing with the bureaucracy, then addressing the financial imbalance in the household.

Blu · 09/09/2016 09:24

Spagetti: but the OP is paying all the children's clothing, presents, etc out of her £450.

Arfarfanarf · 09/09/2016 09:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spangleknickers · 09/09/2016 09:30

I am in a similar situation to you. Have always worked and paid the bills, but partner has much more money than me and property rights that I am not entitled to because we are not married. At one point I was supporting him financially. It is grossly unfair and the resentment has done irreparable damage and I am now wanting to split but it's v v hard without any money. I think you could talk about it with him, if you can. Not everyone is receptive

Jessbow · 09/09/2016 09:38

Arfarfanarf
She needs to rethink her priorities then possibly.

Her older child is NOT her partners, she appears to not receive any income for him from his father

Has said she HAS to spend £450 a month on food. ( mentioned up thread) because of this childs special needs.

They may not be the best, but surely you can economise within that somewhere find a pair of shoes for yourself within that somehow?

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 09/09/2016 09:41

It sounds to me that you are responsible for the fine. I understand that it was unlucky, but if I was your partner I would get annoyed at you trying to argue that it is not "your fine". Maybe you insisting it is not yours is why he is so unwilling to help you pay.

The other issue is your household finances. I never understood why a couple with children still have split finances, is your DP unwilling to sit down and do a budget with you? The goal would be to have a common pot for all expenses excluding personal ones (but including everything children related). Then you can each have a personal allowance that you are free to spend as you wish, pension, clothes, etc (you will have to accept that his might be a bit higher than yours though, as that is usually how it works when one brings a lot more than the other)

LyndaNotLinda · 09/09/2016 09:48

The OP is going without to feed and clothe her children Jessbow. Her partner meanwhile, after his pension contributions, has £500 spare a month.

And yet you think she should economise. Hmm

I always think the crumbs that women accept on MN can't get any smaller and then another thread comes along

Arfarfanarf · 09/09/2016 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ReallyTired · 09/09/2016 09:51

A you sure the fine was legal? Forget excuses about poverty or disablity and focus on making a really good POPLA appeal. For you manage to get the fine cancelled then you don't have to worry about paying it.

Where was this car park. Did you buy anything in the shop? Have you got receipts? You maybe able to argue that fining you for being nine minutes over the limit is an unlawful penalty. The private parking firm will argue that the fine is a commerical justified, but their arguement would be weak if you have shopped there and the overstay is tiny.

There companies that will write the appeal for you for a small fee.

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